I have a hard time feeling joy

[YellowxMango]

I have a hard time feeling high ends of emotions such as "excited", "thrilled", and feeling "passionate". I am mostly just "content" or "pleased". I feel like I am missing out a lot in life and it bothers me that I can't enjoy life to the fullest such as others. I notice I have a hard time having "fun". I end up "enjoying" things and liking things but I ask "myself am I having fun though?"

I am also in a loving relationship, and this person is dear to me. But I feel so black and grey sometimes that I'm afraid it could ruin the relationship. We spend time together and play video games. My partner would ask me if I'm having fun. I would hesitate to say yes because I don't truly feel it myself, but I do love spending time with my partner.

[LoveforAll41]

Hmm, this is interesting YellowxMango. Are you in therapy or taking any drugs for mental health? I feel the mood stabilizer I am on brings the highs a little lower and the lows a little higher I guess. Mostly I find that the way I am thinking about things changes the amount of fun I am having. A big fun-sucking habit I have is getting caught up in all the things I have to do and I can't enjoy leisure activities or doing the activities I want to get done because I am just thinking about the next thing. A dumb unfun way to live 😬☮️

[Beavis2022 in reply to LoveforAll41]

I feel for you - it's not a "fun" way to live. What ruins things for me, always, is worrying about what everybody else thinks of me. A real joy-sucker. Do you think you do this, also? How I envy people who don't care what others think. Can't seem to do it myself. Probably low self-esteem. Thanks for writing.

[Arabianhorselover in reply to Beavis2022]

So you have Social Anxiety?

[Beavis2022 in reply to Arabianhorselover]

Yes, I really don't much enjoy being with anybody. I live with my BF; feel sorry for him. I think he just wants companionship and to share expenses. And to take care of each others, since we're no longer young. He deserves some fun and more activities. There seems to be no answer.

[YellowxMango in reply to LoveforAll41]

thanks, I haven't thought of it that way. Honestly I have a hard time staying present. Being in the moment more.

[Arabianhorselover]

I get it. This has been a problem for me for as long as I can remember. I have no trouble feeling hurt, sad, angry, etc., but joy, excitement, etc.? Extremely rare. I hate it, also.

[Beavis2022 in reply to Arabianhorselover]

I'm the same. I remember it starting in childhood, after an abusive incident. I was amazed that I could look around at the things that used to bring me joy, and just feel flatness, I wonder if anything like that has happened to you? It's depression, for me, and I can find no cure for it. Tried everything. I'm also always afraid and worried about what everybody - or anybody - thinks of me. Do you have this? Drinking used to help when I was young, but I'm not so young anymore! Thanks for writing.

[Arabianhorselover in reply to Beavis2022]

I have suffered from anxiety and depression since childhood due to a couple of very difficult situations at that time. Also ended up with OCD which was not diagnosed for many, many years.

[Beavis2022 in reply to Arabianhorselover]

Sorry about the OCD. I'd have a cleaner house, maybe, if I had it! Have you talked to counselors about the difficult situations back then? I've talked and talked for years - nothing changed. Seems like once a thing happens, there's no going back. Can't speak for everyone though. Just have to muddle through every day, and not compare to people who don't have this. So hard to do.

[Arabianhorselover in reply to Beavis2022]

Actually, to people who have OCD, that is not a funny joke. It is about so much more than a clean house. Contamination OCD is only one of many ways it can show up.

[Beavis2022 in reply to Arabianhorselover]

So sorry - I meant no harm. I've never had it, so I don't know the appropriate comments to make about it.

[Arabianhorselover in reply to Beavis2022]

It's okay. These types of comments are very common. It is a very misunderstood condition.

[YellowxMango in reply to Arabianhorselover]

I def agree with this. Sort of finding myself being the gloomy type or emo type. I recently learned that our diet can also affect our brain health which can impact our mood. By proportionating our omega 3 fats, having colorful veggies and fruits, proteins, and limiting our carbs and sugar we can naturally have better control over our hormones. This may help me with my emotional "flatness" and support my happy hormones instead, and maybe, reignite the sparks in me to have stronger positive feelings. Other than that, I'm taking DBT to help build better life coping skills.

On a side note. My behavioral therapist sucks. I would explain what's bothering me and 95% of the time he would ask me "why do you think that is so?", like I haven't already asked myself that hundreds of times already. Ai does a better job giving me insights.