I have been with over 60 people I try to find love but I know that people only want to use me for sex. But I'm so lonely I have never had any good friends and I have no motivation to go out and just find activities to make me happy I live with the constant intrusive thought that I'm a slut and no one will ever love me or understand me I have had a shit year I stayed with my ex who did nothing for me for three years purely because I didn't want to be used and now it's over and it ended badly I had to have an abortion because he was to drug fucked and lazy to take care of our child. I know your thinking wow just stop doing it but it's like I'm so obsessed with needing company or someone to talk too. I try to arrange things with people but they never want to see me. My mum left when I was young and chose her partner over me. I was put in a bad area where bad things happened to me sexually. I never lost my virginity in a positive way it was pretty much rape and I just feel like the only thing that keeps me alive is my dad but even he doesn't make an effort to come visit me I always go in to see him :(( I don't know what to do anymore I sleep all the time or I drink or abuse weed to stop my mind from thinking so much. I enjoy nothing and havnt for years it's like everything is an effort I try to be positive but I feel people are pure evil. :((
Men : I have been with over 60 people I... - Anxiety and Depre...
Men
There is a 12 Step program called Love Addicts Anonymous.
1st you need to Love yourself, who you are and your body. Everything else will fall into place.
Agreed 10000%, time for some good self-love and kindness.
Not all people are evil and not all men are pieces of shit like the ones you have had to deal. Talk to everyone on here we are willing to help. Slut? Nah just bad at seeing the truth about who the guys are. They see the bad part and run because they are scared and dont want to handle the rough patches. I enjoy those moments because it only makes the bond stronger. Keep your head up it will work out and any questions you need help with hit us up we all have love and compassion here and for me I enjoy talking it helps so hit me up if need be.
What it sounds like is that you don't value yourself and the Men sense that too? You're attracting those men. Maybe get some counseling so you can learn Why your attracting these kinds of Men and change it. You deserve better.
If you haven't already, I think it would be helpful to find a counselor or group that can support you locally as well that are in similar situations. You have had a lot of experiences I think that make it very reasonable not to trust others. Your mother, your ex, and those who have taken without reciprocating any form of true affection. I think you need to hear that there isn't anything wrong with you, that you are not the negative things you have felt equated to, and that you are a human being worthy of real love, affection, and kindness.
Perhaps by talking with a good counselor if you have the means or resources, you can work through the situations you have experienced. It would do so much good to see and hear that you are not all of the negative things. It should reduce the desire to cover or temporarily relieve the pain you feel with drink and drug. You are worth more than you think and believe. Truly.
I felt for you having to deal with the many things and I'm truly sorry that this is where you are left. You have done what seems to be the best for yourself to protect yourself from hurt and harm. In the end, you seem to be left picking up the pieces. This is where I think self-kindness...allowing yourself to love yourself and to forgive any and all aspects of guilt...will really go a long way. If you can't see a therapist, there are plenty of self-kindness YouTube videos.
Again, I truly feel for your situation and empathize as much and best as I can. It's a delicate life you've had and it deserves the same attention. Please, truly, remember you are worthy of the things you desire and want. Have no shame in the decisions you've made. I wish you the best, am always around for support, and am sending all the best positive vibes/thoughts. You came here and told a very moving story which is extremely brave and a step forward. Keep that momentum and take care. Some great advice in here as well offered by others. Please let us know if we can help any further or how you're doing.
Great reply Veritas. x
Honey I am so sorry. Please start to tell yourself that life WILL and CAN get better. Please reach out. Find strength for a NEW day for you! Sending prayer and love
Not all men are the same some of use long for a real connection also....
What do you do for work? Find a place to volunteer and put your energy to work. Sounds a little like a self-fulfilling prophecy because you are "spinning". Think about what goes through your head before you make the choice to have sex or not. There is nothing wrong with being alone. There is nothing wrong with wanting to be loved. You have to love yourself, first.
Everyone says you have to love yourself first the reason I don't love myself is because of my past actions regarding men aha so it makes it hard. I try to do well and good at work (nurse) but when you have constant bad intrusive thoughts all u really want to do is to sleep and even then sometimes my dreams are negative so I just wake up tired I have no energy. I feel like someone is in my head just putting me down always :=/ I try to be happy but I'm just exhausted. I always watch videos on YouTube seek professional help all the things you know or are told to do but it's like the circle aver ends
Dont worry about past focus on future. You are a young beautiful woman,hold on to that and keep your head up and better days are to come
You do have to love yourself, but you also have to be capable of forgiving yourself. Who you were or the decisions you made don't define who you are. If that were the case, I'd be a total piece of crap, an alcoholic, terrible with money, and absolutely selfish. Self-kindness...your mind is constantly reminding you made bad decisions (self-perspective) because it is festering with the past. To get better, we need to forgive that. It's best done with a professional, but it's making medicine with yourself. You don't have to look back and say..."Voila, I am completely absolved of this." But you can look back and say, "I went through a rough time and did the best I could in a bad time...and I'm done living the past in the present." You focus on the positive energy....you literally help people through difficult times but I wonder if maybe you don't give yourself the same benefit or credit. As a nurse, maybe you see an alcoholic with cirrhosis...I mean you could spend all day lecturing the guy or gal...had you just stopped drinking, you wouldn't be here!! But instead, you treat the patient with dignity, thoughtfulness, and the present. That is the true therapy.
All of that said, I understand why you feel devoid of energy, depressed, tired, exhausted, and negative. That's depression and I think it would be great if you could talk to a good professional or maybe others who are in a similar place. You need to understand you have made human mistakes and that dwelling/living next to it on a daily basis isn't your place. It's today. One day at a time. No more time travel to the past or too far ahead. Forgiveness, kindness, and understanding. As you crack the shell around you and let some light in, I think some of the symptoms you mention start fading. Healthy relationships forming. So on. Trust me, I know hearing cliches make you want to smash your head into the keyboard with a, "Yeah, yeah, yeah, I know....I KNOW!" But there is a method in there. You could even begin by focusing less on what you've done and more on what you do: you help save lives everyday in your profession. Small steps...it's a delicate place that could use delicate steps. I hope you're able to keep your head up like those above state. Take some stock in the fact that there's hope for you.
The past is in the rear view mirror. No one you meet in the future needs to know a thing about it. If you can’t love yourself at least forgive yourself for reacting to what you were born into. I highly suggest you join the ptsd group for rape. I was raped. It’s very helpful.
It sounds to me that you have been abused and maybe using sex for love but they are definitely not with you. You could try for sexual abuse support groups online ( don't I've never found one) or you could try counselling. You're better than that to sleep with all of those men. Start with trying to love yourself x
Sometimes when we have no motivation to push ourselves we have to anyway. How bad do you want to get well? I had to ask myself that. There are things that happen to us we can’t change and had no control over. Then from that pain there are choices we made and have to own that have kept us in defeat and pain. Depression. Life is hard, but it can be better.
I consciously look for the good. Start a gratitude list. It may be as simple as I had food today and slept. The sunset was beautiful.
Also, when we’ve been through a lot we get mad, bitter, and resentful sometimes at ourselves, others, and God. I was. I couldn’t forgive myself. I even like myself now. You can too.
Until I surrendered my life and sought and prayed and gave all of my wounded ness to Christ...that’s when I began having peace and healing. I’m still healing but I don’t fight from defeat. I looked for help and got out of bed and kept looking until I found it.
Recovery programs are good. Regeneration, Celebrate Recovery
*Healing for Damaged Emotions by David Seamands
Books by Brené Brown
Sometimes with counseling it’s finding the right fit. I’ve struggled with counselors. I did 5 sessions of Splankna Therapy bc counseling itself wasn’t helping. Splankna helped. Also realizing the lies I believed verse the truth.
I’m so sorry for your pain and what you’ve been through. You are loved just as you are. There is a Healer who’s love covers all and can bring meaning and healing into your life. This journey for me has been 15 years grasping for wholeness. The last 10 months I’ve surrendered bc my way wasn’t working.
Much care and love to you.
You’re an amazing survivor. I’m so glad you posted. You might want to try out the ptsd group on HU.
Every day is a new one. You are displaying ‘reactive’ behavior. I hate the word slut. Your actions show a need for love. There’s a hole in your heart you want someone to fix.
Here’s how. Stop seeing men. Get healthy. Get independent. Get full of yourself. Men are not necessary. Be the amazing woman that wants to come out of you. You can do it.
When you are healthy you will attract a healthy man. You’re smart now. You’ve learned. You know the red flags. You get healthy and make a man earn you. You deserve it. You’ve paid your dues.
Please please please no more derogatory terms. You are a blessing and gift to the world. I’m so glad I saw this. You are worthy.
I have a similar problem. I've been with many partners who used me for sex and, honestly, the only thing that helped me was to find a partner who was willing to commit long-term. Let's be real: I had to find him online and then had to travel across the country to be with him but for me it was worth it. It helped increase my confidence which gave me the ability to quit my vices (including drugs).
I also find absolutely nothing enjoyable. Most things are boring to me but it's been that way for years so I'm pretty used to it by now. If you lived near me we could at least be bored and lackluster together. Maybe we could go try different things to see if anything Sparks our fancy? Haha There are people out there that can help you...you just have to find them I guess ❤️
If you're ever in New England/Vermont area send me a message. I think we have a lot in common.
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