ashamed and angry

[MommyBro]

I am feeling so ashamed and angry. ("angry and ashamed" makes me think of that TV show "Naked and Afraid". hahaha) I'm unemployed, had a number of job interviews over the past several years, but no job offers. Maybe I sabotage myself during the interview; how can I sell myself as the best one for the job when I feel like I'm such a loser? So I am a financial burden on my family and I feel ashamed about it. And I can only see how I failed my husband and my children, I don't see that I've done any good. So I feel ashamed.

I also feel angry. How many times do people say, "If you would just blah blah blah..." or "you only need to ___"--fill in the blank. What, try harder? Don't feel that way? Stop being so critical? And on and on. Well, gee, thanks a lot, I never would have thought of that if you hadn't brought it up. What exactly do you think I've been doing all these years? Growing up I was told that if I was nice, if I followed the Golden Rule, if I cared for others, if I studied hard, got good grades, worked hard, etc., I would be rewarded with a loving family and friends and a good career. This didn't happen, so all these people have lied to me over the years, and I'm angry about it! But maybe it's all my fault, maybe I didn't do enough, wasn't enough, squandered all that was given to me? So, right back to being ashamed. Then angry. Then ashamed. Then hopeless.

I did read that it will help if a person changes his/her language. Instead of saying, "I AM angry, I AM afraid", etc. say instead "I FEEL angry, I FEEL afraid". You are not your emotions. And feelings just are. Sometimes this helps a little, when I am a little calmer.

P.S. My children are mostly young adults now. They struggle, but are doing okay, and most people in the community think they are good people. But I think that is because of their father, and their own hard work and resilience. My husband says he loves me, I don't know why he does. But we don't really do much together, I keep thinking that if he wasn't so committed to his marriage vows he would get the heck away from me.

[hypercat54]

Hi what you have been doing is following the American Dream and believing in it. I am in the UK but we are told the same thing here. It does work for many people but not for a lot more. One of my sisters believed in it too but the system let her down and she not only lost her job with no recourse but she nearly lost her house as well. She now doesn't believe in the dream. She is not angry though and has come to terms with it getting good jobs and having a nice life anyway.

You can too you know. Everyone is lied to about it and there are lots of people left disappointed. If everyone could follow it there would be no one to serve us in shops or empty our dustbins so it's obviously a failure.

What you have got to do now is move on past your failures and look to the future instead. Life is what happens whilst we are planning it. x

[MommyBro in reply to hypercat54]

Thanks for your reply. It's nice to know someone out there hears me. Sometimes I feel I'm in Dr. Seuss's [children's] book "Horton Hears a Who" (spelling?), where at least one character shouts "We are here, we are here, we are here!" but no one hears them [for a long time].

[hypercat54 in reply to MommyBro]

I remember seeing a postcard once with a picture of God in one corner and a man in the others. The man said 'No I don't want life, haven't you got anything else'. I understand that and wish there was. Having said that you have a husband who loves you and children who all do as well so you do have a lot of good things in your life don't you? Try and concentrate on the positive and not the negative.

I am sure your husband would leave you if he didn't love you so the fact he sticks around speaks volumes. I wonder if your previous belief in the Dream has shaken your world to it's foundations and now you aren't sure what is real and what isn't? Is this possible? It's a chance for you to reinvent yourself so try seeing it like that. x

[MommyBro in reply to hypercat54]

Thanks, I will try to do that. 🙂

[Hidden in reply to hypercat54]

Hi darling, it's hard when we are between jobs, me 5 years on sick, God I'm bored to death with life, I went for several interviews and nothing, it's wrong, when u want a job, u don't get one, when u single u attract the opposite sex, confidence gets you threw life, but if we had this in 1st place life would be dandy.

Anyhow be happy X

[MommyBro in reply to Hidden]

Thank you

[cgarff]

Hi mommybro.. I completely agree with everyone else. You have to stop thinking the negative and focus on tje positive, start with different things. Were you ablw to get up out of bed by yourself without someones help? Could you get dreased on your own, make a meal? Do you have a roof over your head? We know you jave a family, so feel blessed for them. So many people cant have them. Are you healthy? Can you walk and talk, read and write? I bet you didnt think of these things. Sit down with a pen and paper, and list out the pros and cons of your life. REALLY. Think about it! I bet that you can come up with more pros than cons if you really try.

I got a cold 8 years ago that messes up my voice, and started a movement disorder which turned my life upside down. It has brought on alot of pain, frustration, docs that dont know what to do for me. Etc.. Etc.. But you know... I can see, I can hear, I can still love my kids, I havent been able to work for 3 1/2 years now and its frustrating. But... I am grateful for what I can do. I am not stuck in a hospital, I can still drive most days, I am not having to have massive surgeries to correct this so far.. I am really fortunate! Am I angry that this has happened to me? Sure I am at times, but there is something that I need to learn from it. There is a purpose for me to go through this trial. I just have to figure it out. I keep patiently trying, keeping a smile on my face, because a frown and tears suck! I'd rather try to be happy than depressed. That doesnt mean that I do,t get there, because I do, but I do my best to keep from staying there! Sorry so long, but I hope this helps. Do me one thing befor I sign off, take a post it note, or a piece of paper, or maybe a few, and write on them, I am happy! I am with it! I can succeed! On them, and post them around the house. Read them often, so that your mind can retrain its self to remember and believe that you are! Best of luck!

Cheryl

[MommyBro]

You all are right, I need to focus on the good things and my blessings. Some days it's tougher to do than others. My 92-year-old aunt was telling me about her morning routine: "When I wake up I say my prayers, and then I do my gratitudes...." If she can do it, I sure should be able to do it. My pastor says the Lord uses our tough times to draw us nearer to Him. I wish I could feel sure about that. But even Mother Teresa had difficult times (years!) in her life when she could not feel God's presence, but she just kept on keeping on anyway. And she changed the world!