Why I need somebody

[sad_watermelon]

I released that all my life I've needed someone close to rely on, so I can share my feelings to, my worries, my thoughts...I never had such a person until I met my ex boyfriend who was like a miracle for me. But after a bit more than a year of relationship he completely changed, stoped being loving and supportive. This and some other reasons made me end the relationship and now we are friends.

I don't have romantic feelings for him anymore, but nostalgic feeling for the old him, the person he was. Now I will be moving abroad for university and I will be all alone in a new culture and having someone to talk to who understands me and supports me would've been so great.

I am feeling so down, so desperate. I don't think I will find anyone there, I will always be a plan B because I am a foreigner. In my own country I was plan B, so I am pretty sure it will be even worse abroad.

I always believed that either my first or second relationship would be with the right person, because I'm quite selective about the people I let close in my life and I don't develop feelings easily.

You will say it's way too soon, but I've heard so many stories of happy families who met in highschool or university and I still want that to be my case too, but I am actually losing hope. All my life I've lived with the idea that nobody would love me because of my past (3 cancers, lots of scars because of surgeries, now a lymphedema that makes me wear a compressive sock....) and even when I met my ex, my family said "it's nice, now you know that after all you can be loved". Yes, but by who? All my friends got in a relationship in a young age (I didn't find that normal) and I was happy that I got into mine when I was a bit older. But now I feel like I won't find another relationship, because I am too afraid of picking the wrong person or that he's great, but will again turn bad with time.

I also have another problem - I don't know how long I will be able to have children, because the doctor told me that there is a chance for my periods to end at a much earlier age because of the treatment, which may have killed more cells and it could be tested, but since I have a "V-card", they can't even test it on me, and really, I really don't have time to waste with meaningless relationships, because I want one person with whom we can stay until the end and after a long period of relationship to be sure he's the one and to have children if it's not too late...

[b1b1b1]

It happens for some people earlier and for other people later. It is not possible to force it. What you can do, though, is put yourself in situations where there are possibilities of meeting people who interest you. Don't try to force relationships, however. As to children, it is possible to freeze your eggs.

[Fefe09]

I did not marry till was was 31. And had my first child after. So don’t beat yourself up. It’s when you’re not looking it will happen. Don’t settle. And when you do find Mr right he may not be able to have kids himself. But that doesn’t mean you can’t be happy. You can always adopt. Just take one day at a time. I always say scars are Gods beauty marks from healing a wound . You are a strong young lady. Don’t worry about the future . Focus on today. I was told by a doctor I probably wouldn’t be able to have kids from a car wreck I was in and it broke my pelvis. He said i probably wouldn’t be able to carry a baby. But guess what?

[Raggedy-Ann]

It is good to have a confidant but your relationship partner should not be expected to carry the load of your trials. It wears people down to hear about illness, sadness, poor me. You need to discuss those things with a doctor, a therapist a friend. Family, friends, and partners wear down and it is frustrating for them because they can't fix the problem, and they want you to be happy. I am very selective about who I share my negative personal issues with. Ask yourself what is important to you to have in a love relationship. What do you have to contribute that has to do with the interesting , fun creative, smart parts of you. I think learning about effective communication will help you attract your next love. I hope this is helpful.

[sad_watermelon in reply to Raggedy-Ann]

I never wanted people to feel sorry for me. I just explained why I think people don't like me. In my experience, every time they ask about the sock (it's pretty obvious to see and to be honest I got tired of hiding it, it's part of me and I accept it), when I explain why I wear it, they step back. I never expressed anything but a worry to my closest people. Friends, family and partners should be there to hear you. I don't expect from anyone to solve my problems. I just want to know that somebody cares how I'm doing, what's on my mind, what scares me. Maybe you don't need to share with people, but I do and I actually like that, I don't want to be indrawn and keeping everything for myself. I don't have friends in the general term. I have true friends. They are 3. The others are people I know, but I can't call them friends. So that's what I mean when I say that I am selective. I don't share with anyone, but my friends and family. And actually that's why I write here, because by friends and family won't always understand me or will have other things in their lives so I won't want to add up. I tough that I could at least share here, but I guess it was a mistake

[Raggedy-Ann in reply to sad_watermelon]

I wasn't trying to criticize. I am sorry it came out like that. I was offering some advice based on my experiences.

[sad_watermelon]

I am also sorry if I sounded rude.

[Timas]

One of the things you've mentioned a few times is that you feel like you're a plan B to everyone but your ex. It sounds like maybe your friendships don't feel very close to you?

Maybe I'm wrong but I wonder if you had some friends that understood you better could that help? Or do you feel like the kind of understanding and support you need can only come from a boyfriend?

[sad_watermelon in reply to Timas]

The problem is that I had a lot of friendships in my life and only in my relationship I found what I truly needed

[Timas in reply to sad_watermelon]

I think maybe I'm understanding more now. On top of the completely understandable stress you're feeling about moving and starting University, you feel like it probably isn't possible to find a future husband there because of the cultural and language barriers. I could be misunderstanding. If so, I'm sorry!

[sad_watermelon in reply to Timas]

You actually do understand me pretty much. My fears come from the fact that I don't really have a lot of people I can rely on at 100% in my own country

[Timas in reply to sad_watermelon]

And so in going away to school you're putting off meeting someone until you move back home. Which causes a big conflict about going to school.

[sad_watermelon in reply to Timas]

I hope I'll meet someone, but I don't think I will

[majones_0608]

I almost have the opposite problem. I let 2 people get close to me and they totally betrayed me. They used me and now I am not sure when I will be able to forgive them. They are a married couple into some weird things. I met Christina way back in high school and am now 41. We were friends more than 20 years and she threw that all away. I feel so alone now that they are out of my life. I had to get them out of my life so I can have a better life of my own. Now, I have a feeling it will be hard to let anyone get that close to me again. They ruined that for me.

I hope things work out for you.