Running out of fight!

Hi everyone! I'm basically new here, have made 1 post introducing myself and explaining my issues. I suffer from severe depression, OCD and many of the anxiety disorders. Over the last month things have been SO bad. In that time, I have switched meds from Luvox to Prozac. I felt I wasn't doing good on the Luvox anymore so my Dr. put me on Prozac. I have been on it in the past with good luck as I've dealt with these issues since the age of 16, I'll be 40 next month. I'm up to 40 mg of the Prozac which I know can be increased but I'm really wishing I didn't make that med change now. Im having the worst anxiety attacks of my life. I literally don't know what to do with myself and things feel and seem like they couldn't get any worse. I have the strong thought of "I wish I was dead" and find myself wishing that was the case. Suicidal thoughts do run through my head although I'm quite certain I would never act on them. Scary!! I have a wife and my family is great, although none of them understand and I don't expect them to. I feel so alone and I'm sure a lot of that has to do with me isolating myself. I've tried therapy several times in the past and even went to a out patient day program with little to no luck. I feel like I'm un-helpable, that when I see these therapists and Dr's, that they don't know what or how to help me. I currently can't afford therapy as my insurance sucks and I haven't worked in over 5 years due to a work related injury where I easily could of been killed. That has lead to multiple surgeries and countless other procedures. The work comp battle alone is enough to beat anyone down. It's really sad how the system is, SO corrupt, and how hard they make it on the injured worker to receive their benefits. I did receive a small settlement after years of battling but it will be gone in no time as I've had to live off it. I believe the accident was the end of any possibility of leading any type of quality living and the end of my fight. I'm now left with daily, sometimes severe pain on top of all my mental issues. It's overwhelming!

What med has everyone found to work best for their depression and anxiety? I know sometimes it takes a combo of meds.

How do you guys/gals deal with anxiety attacks? I believe that's what I'm experiencing anyway. I'm on 0.5 of Xanax and have also tried Klonopin but they don't seem to do squat. I'm helpless... NOTHING works or helps.

After 25 years of the mental stress and the physical pain over the last 5, I'm truly running out of fight. As I tell my loved ones all the time, I don't want to do this anymore!! Feel like life just wasn't meant for this guy!

Sorry for the long post, hopefully a few have stuck around. I know I'm ultimately not alone and all of you suffer in your own ways as well. I'm sorry you feel what you do, I can definitely relate.

Take care and thanks for reading!!

4 Replies

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  • Wow! Hey, you've really been through a lot and I give you credit for slugging it out through a tough, long haul! Prozac has been a great drug for me and as you noted, you can up your dose. Also Klonopin/clonazepam can be increased to cover you around the clock: 1 or 1.5 mg every 8 hours or even more if needed. And of course there are other good drug choices out there but it may simply be a matter of a greater dose to get you comfortable. You may need your doctor to prescribe another type of mood stabilizer like abilify or lamotrigine to help the other drugs to work. I hope you have a good psychiatrist as you are now in difficult waters to treat effectively.

    Xanax is only for use for a little while until you get regulated on something a little more permanent like Tranxene/clorazepate or Klonopin/clonazepam around the clock. Possibly you can use Xanax if you have panic attacks. It's very short acting. Suicidal thoughts are understandable because you're not regulated on a good medicine regimen but it's not a good solution. You're just tired of the stress of the unregulated ups and downs of your condition. Insist that your doc gets you on a reasonable med schedule that you can live with!!!

    Do you have a good counselor? You need one to help you navigate these uncertain waters. It will make all the difference to your survival at this time and going onward. That person will help you cope with this mess you are living and guide you as to what you need to do next. You need someone on your side with the knowledge to help you. God bless you and keep you in a good place. Write back to me if you need to and maybe I can help you further. It's possible you have undiagnosed bipolar depression also. I was just diagnosed this at age 58. What a surprise!! Just a thought to explain why nothing seems to help you, but only if increasing the dosages doesn't help first of all.

    Best wishes for a speedy answer.

  • Thanks for the response, means A LOT!

    My Dr. did add Lamotrigine a couple months ago when I was on the Luvox but I never felt it helped. I also tried ability way back when I was on the Prozac. Don't really remember what effect that had. I do remember it made me antsy, like I couldn't relax. I've been pleading with my Dr. to call me in some Klonopin and a higher dose of it at that, but she seems reluctant and hasn't done it. The last we spoke which was yesterday via email she thought that we should go back to the Luvox and add a mood stabilizer like you mentioned. As I stated, without me working and my wife not making much, I unfortunately can't afford therapy. My insurance will only pay for 4 visits at my $20 Co pay and then I have to meet my deductible after that which is very high. Another sad thing in this country, that care if out there, but so many can't afford it.

    Hopefully I can find some affordable counseling somewhere, somehow. Problem is I feel like there's NO help so going into it with that mind set probably ain't going to help matters. I wish I could change my way of thinking and be more positive but my feelings are my feeling. If I could change them I would and I guess maybe I wouldn't be in this boat that has many holes and is sinking fast!

    Thanks again for the talk! Restores my faith that there are still some good people out there. Sounds like you are doing well which I'm so glad to hear and gives me a little hope.

    I'm here if you ever need to talk. Unlike you who had great advice, I'm not much help other than an ear to listen or in this case an eye to read

    Take care!

  • Oh, and on the bipolar depression, I've recently thought it was a good possibility but have always been told no in the past. You take the Prozac to cope with that? If you don't mind me asking, how many MG do you take? I'm sure it was a surprise to you but it's great you finally got an accurate diagnosis

  • Yes, it was a surprise but I only had the agitation and symptoms like sometimes staying up all night in the last 18 months. I truly don't think it was a true diagnosis prior to that. I still need an SSRI like Prozac but I'm currently on Cymbalta/duloxetine due to cost and a need for the med to also treat my fibromyalgia. I am up to 90 mg right now. Therapeutic range is 60-120 mg. I had many great years on Prozac, about 20 at least, when I didn't need it to also treat my fibromyalgia. I think I took it in the 40-60 mg range. Prozac is still considered by many as the gold standard for an antidepressant.

    Curiously, many people with bipolar disorder have strong manic episodes when they take SSRIs like Prozac/fluoxetine or Cymbalta/duloxetine. I don't and it doesn't sound like you do. My psychiatrist says it actually helps treat my bipolar disorder along with Seroquel/quetiapine.

    Have you checked for a counselor at a local church? There are often ones available who charge on a sliding scale related to what you can afford. They don't require you to join the church and they don't push religion. But you need a good one and have to be selective and drop one if they aren't any good after several app'tments.

    There really are plenty of good people here and in the world. And I'm glad to help you out if I can. You need hope and help, so I encourage you to look for it. Usually there's a county program where you can get medical help at reduced prices. It's not great but it's something that's better than nothing. You might want to check it out. Take care.

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