Out of fight

I've been picking myself up and trying again and again and again.... I just don't have it in me anymore. There are very few things that are within our control. I'm so relieved that I can finally give up. People say cowards give up, quit, walk away. I've been trying to convince myself for years that that is true. It's BS. Sometimes it is better to unfasten your life vest and stop being afraid to drown

[Hidden]

Dig deep. You have fight left in you. We may not have control over what happens in our lives but what we can do is choose how it will shape us. Was is it that you are trying to walk away from?

[Hidden]

I beg to differ with you LisaRei! I’ve been down and out so many times through the years, only to bounce back and live again. Your loved ones would be completely devastated and carry guilt and possibly shame for the rest of their lives. They would be left with the awful question of “why” They will feel like there must have been something they could have done. That’s dark...come back into the light, my friend! Your work here isn’t completed yet!

[Strongheartforever]

Surrender to what is. That’s not giving up.

[bonkers65]

You probably would not wish depression on anyone, knowing how it feels. But if you end it that is exactly what you will be doing - making someone else depressed.

[Windy101]

I've been there. This is the time when you have to pull out all the stops and fight back against your depression. Yes, there is still fight inside you.

Here'e the thing to remember: your depression lies to you. It tells you that you are worthless, a burden, a mistake. Think about it - every person here who has depression has felt that way. You're just having symptoms, painful ones, but symptoms that go with depression and that can improve.

Winston Churchill, who also had depression, famously said, "Never, ever, ever give up." That helps me when I feel my worst. I also think of all the people I would devastate, and the fact that suicide can impact a family for generations. You don't want to be that cruel.

Force yourself to get outside , get some sun and breath fresh air. Do something nice for someone, even if it's one tiny thing. Be gentle with yourself. Major depression usually eases up after a few weeks. Until then, think of it as having the flu. Temporary, awful, but not worth dying over. This is the only life you will ever have, as far as you know. Living it is more powerful than your depression. If you give up now, you'll never know how your story turns out.

If you haven't already, call your doc and make an appointment. Call a suicide hotline and talk it through. Don't ignore the hands that are there, reaching out to help you.

This little poem has helped me. I wish I knew who wrote it.

Even in the darkest night/believe in your soul/believe in your light/believe in the end/it will turn out right.

[Hidden in reply to Windy101]

Touché Windy101 🙂

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

Thank you. Sarcastic me wants to tell you to eat poo. It has gotten so much harder to see the possible as I get older. Being an optimist and a realist can feel impossible many days. Doing it alone just feels impossible.

[Hidden]

No more phone calls, texts, feeling bad that other people think I may not be doing the "right thing". Next time I want to jump, I'm just going to do it. It's what works for me and I'm not going to keep fighting that urge.

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

You don’t know that it works for you...don’t assume anything. Don’t worry about what other people think about you! Are they living your life? Do they know what you’re going through? Are they responsible for you? All “no’s” So! Let go of the need to please others and worrying about what they think. Make their thoughts and words of little consequence to you. You’re the only one who knows what you need to do, your limitations and your desires. Trust and believe in yourself...you’re wiser and smarter than you realize...

[Hidden]

I read a lot of stuff from this site. I have found that crazy people (this is a term that I use for myself and I'm content with it) have and show more empathy than any and all proper, productive, acceptable adults I know. I appreciate it when people are the same inside as they are on the surface. I visit family in So. Cal. I see all the homeless people and how the public often responds to them. The public includes my family. Am I a fool for thinking that we are all more the same than different? I know that everyone has basic needs. But I'm so exhausted by trying to look like I have anything together beyond today (on a good day). I feel sick most days that I wake up cuz I have to pretend another day. Be normal. Or you will be an outcast. Homeless, hungry, taken advantage of. Shameful. My "crazy" people understand but they can't help with basic needs. So do I keep pretending just to make it one more day? For what?

[Hidden]

I know it doesn't sound that bad. Imagine waking up every morning feeling guilty and ashamed of who you are. I know I'm not alone in this respect, but I don't know how to move beyond it to feel some peace. Contentment. Purpose.

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

I don’t know what to say, especially since you want me to eat sh**, which isn’t something I commonly do. Being an optimist and a realist is exactly why I’m happy today. Don’t knock it until you give it an honest try. You sound defeated and I hate that for you. Please open your mind, away from negativity, and try to be open to suggestions. Wishing you the best!

[Krazie]

LisaRei, As read through your comments, one thing stands out for me. You sound so very tired. That plus other comments make it clear that depression is nipping at your heels. Having grown up with untreated depression and anxiety, I can relate to how you must be feeling. There is a point in depression, when it seems easier, and more logical to just give in, and let ourselves be swallowed up. Maybe then, peace, and most of all sleep can be ours. But is it really the best path to take? Those who have chosen that route cannot tell us how it turned out for them. We do know how it turns out for those left behind. Guilt, remorse, anguish, never-ending heartbreak. In light of that knowledge, can we really afford to just quit and give up? Depression is very treatable. Maybe we won't ever be happy-go-lucky types, but we can set aside those most miserable inclinations to end it all. We can live reasonably content lives, and be glad we chose to do it. Proper treatment is available. It is my heartfelt desire that you find it.

I know that at this point, sending you hugs won't matter. I am sending to you my understanding, and the knowledge that things can be better.