Out of Options

[charliefrancis1357]

I'm new here, and I'm not sure if anyone will read this, but I really just need to get this out. I've been suffering from anxiety and depression for most of my life, and recently it has gotten worse. About 2 months ago, I checked myself into a mental hospital, because I wanted to kill myself. Since then, nothing has changed about how I feel. I have yet to be able to find a psychologist, because they all seem to be fully booked. I already have anxiety, and the tireless phone calls to my insurance and providers have been exhausting. I'm barely functioning, and I can barely take care of my day to day needs, let alone get a job or have a social life. The only relief I seem to have is self-harm or sleep... these obviously aren't helping. I feel like I'm being thrusted into adulthood, and I don't feel at all prepared.

I picture myself going to grad school and moving out of my parents house, but those both seem unattainable considering that I can barely leave my bed. Every little thing sets me off, and I find myself hiding in my room, away from the real world. I wan't to get better, but at this point it doesn't seem possible.

I'm not really sure what my point of writing this was, or what I'm looking for. I just need someone to know whats going on, without judging me.

[Hereforyou28]

You are not the only person that feels this way, if that makes you feel any better. I suffer too from both anxiety and depression and it’s a difficult thing to deal with. Your post isn’t useless because it’s feels a bit better to get things off your chest that you can’t really tell anyone else because they don’t understand the feeling and we seem to feel

Embarrassed. I’m here to talk and feel free to send a personal message. Sometimes just talking to someone helps even if it’s for a little bit. Take care

[Kevin160]

Hey ..im kevin , i just wanted to say that the point if you writing this is that you will learn more aboutmyour condition, you will find solutions and methods to get better or the very least cope , or just simply vent and ket out some steam and find others who will support you ..just know that we all came here because we reached rock bottom and need help, atleast thats why i am here and i am so thankful

Stay hopeful and patient i know its very hard, im still not at 100% at the end who is right?

I suffered through alot that i wont get into right now , but i just want you to know you will reach a point where you will feel better, if you want to discuss your current situations between medications, therapy etc.. if we know more maybe we cant help you more

Stay strong ❤️ Because we all relate to you , even the simple near future events for me seem so far , i reached a point of severe anxiety that i couldnt imagine myself leading a normal life, no matter hiw hard i tried to imagine my life as far as a week ahead at that time it would be hard , but we all overcome things we never imagines we will , again im nit at 100% but with the same help and support you are going to get from us , you will find your way

I only suffered from chronic severe anxiety and panic attacks , so i will be able to share with you countless methods,advices, etc.. that can ease your anxiety if you ever need to let me know

[vangogh74]

You are not alone. And there is definitely no judgement here.

[BetaTogetha]

You are human, and that is terrible and beautiful all at the same time. It is difficult and weirdly fascinating all at once. Don’t put too much pressure on yourself about what you think you should be doing. Let yourself feel and learn from it. Self harm is a form of coping, so look at what you triggered by. Break it down into smaller pieces and you may see how little and destructible your fears can become. Reach out, ask us for help, we are all here for you!!! We can help you find resources and navigate you down the paths that we too have come. None of us are perfect but we are finding our strengths and we are here to give a hand where we can

Keep posting and you will see!

💗Best wishes!!!!

[Risingstae]

You are starting in the right place here

[Phoenix2012]

Hello Charlie,

I have lived with depression and anxiety for most of my life but was not officially diagnosed until after I attended to end my life. I was lucky to have survived my attempt without any physical long term health complications. If I had known then what I know now, I would not have attempted it, or so I like to believe. In a nutshell, here's what I have learned about treatment: medication works best when used in conjunction with other forms of treatment such as talk therapy, meditation, and the usual stuff your dr tells you about being healthy: eat healthy meals, get enough sleep, exercise, stay hydrated, manage your stress, etc. That's because being healthy means your whole self: physical, mental, emotional, etc.

I recently told my psychiatrist that I knew what I had to do but couldn't push myself to do it. For me what has worked in the past was having a routine of getting up, making my bed, doing 2-5 minutes of breathing exercises, doing yoga, eating breakfast then getting ready for the day. Going to work and during one break doing meditation and during the other going for a walk. Making a cup of tea, like chamomile about 30 minutes before bed, doing something relaxing like stretches and then reading before falling asleep. So, I told her I just can't get out of bed and do all of that anymore eventhough that was when I felt at my best. She told me to try one small thing for a week and then slowly start adding other things. The first thing she wanted me to do instead of hitting snooze on my alarm was to throw my covers off and allow myself to wake up and get out of bed on time. That's it, my first step. One small step and if I could manage that, pick another small step. Taking it one moment at a time. The other thing that has helped me is having a support group, people I can reach out to for help, including a crisis line number for that moment when desperation sets in. You are not alone and your life is worth living. Set a goal, something to work towards, something to look forward to and just take it one moment at a time. In the moments of intense depression or anxiety, take a deep breath, think about what you're feeling and then just acknowledge that it's a feeling, it may or may not be based on anything and it will not last forever. If you feel like crying, let it out, allow yourself to cry, I believe its cleansing, it hurts in the moment but when it's over, there's relief. Just remember that this is your life, it's not perfect, but you can do this. You will make it because you are strong. Be nice to yourself, look in the mirror every morning and evening and tell yourself one good thing about you. And remember that you are loved and appreciated.

[mysticfawn]

Hi Charlie. No judging here. I totally understand. Days go by and I haven't noticed. I forget to get dressed or even brush my teeth some days. I have to set an alarm to remember to eat! I'm just telling you this so you know you're not the only one. Anxiety and depression are prevalent in many peoples lives. With that being said, grad school isn't out of the question. I am working on my masters and don't even leave my house. There are a lot of good schools that cater to complete online learning. Check it out, but do your research well. Don't go with a shortened program that rushes you through the lessons. That might be to much for your anxiety. Good luck. Fawn.

[charliefrancis1357]

Thank you everyone for being so kind. I am currently feeling better, but it really is an up and down thing. I think what is the most frustrating and scary is how trapped I feel. I just graduated from college, and so many of my friends are doing cool exciting things, and I know that I shouldn't compare, but it's sometimes hard not to. I was also recently diagnosed with ADHD, which no one around me seems to take seriously, but I has had a serious impact on my life and effects my ability to do certain things. I know what I have to do, and everyone has been very helpful. I can see a very small light at the end of the tunnel, and I need to be more patient with myself. I was able to go to school in a different state and I became very confident while away. I know that living with my parents has a big effect on how I see myself, and makes life a lot harder. I think that I really need to get organized so that I can get better, but not having a great support system when it comes to organizing my day to day life, and having mental illness makes it pretty hard to find any structure. I know that If I can get my grad school application together and deal with a few other things, I will be able to move out and my mental health will improve. I just find it very hard to handle getting everything in order, and figuring out how to do daily task. The reason I'm so depressed is because I can't fully grow while living with my parents and not having something to do everyday, but I also can't seem to get out of the situation because of my depression, so it's this terrible cycle.

[senorab12 in reply to charliefrancis1357]

I think you’re scared to get out of your situation and I get it, it’s scary to be on your own but I also know you got this, we’ll be here through your ups and downs, that’s life so enjoy your ups and try to make them longer than your downs. You can do this!

[senorab12 in reply to charliefrancis1357]

Take everything one step at a time and you’ll be the greatest version of yourself.