I've been seeing this therapist for a couple months now. This is my 4th, or 5th therapist. Why do they seem so unsympathetic and not engaged, or provide any useful feedback. I repeated myself continuously and there's no helpful tips.
One therapist diagnosed me with ptsd, but it's not even in my problem chart.
I feel unheard.
It's like talking to any other non licensed person. Shoot, even here is better.
I'm stuck in a cycle. These tools out here and resources are not very helpful. I'm disappointed, but hoping there's better programs.
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BrokenPromise
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I would be open and honest and tell my therapist exactly how I was feeling about them and my therapy. I would see what they had to say about it and if they would change. You deserve support.
I've considered it. I've actually said how some things weren't helpful, but that didn't lead anywhere. It's like a shrug. I don't want to restart with someone else, but I may do so. Idk. I'm a little afraid to come straight out and say you're not helping, I feel like it would be awkward and hurtful.I don't think I should have to ask for change in the person that's suppose to be helping.
I think I'm probably just complicated.
Thank you& Thank your for taking the time to comment. I appreciate you!
If it was me, I would come straight out and say you're not helping. It is their job as a therapist to find what works for you. If what they are doing isn't working, it is their job to try something else. There is nothing wrong with advocating for yourself. A good therapist will respect that. I can understand not wanting to start with someone new.
I've been through a lot of therapists that did me no good, and a few really awful ones.
I distinctly remember one guy telling me my life depressed him. (Gee, thanks! I feel much better now!) His wildly inappropriate words were actually good for me. I went right to the lady in charge, and insisted I be switched immediately. I'd seen the way another counselor conducted herself and asked for her. It turned out great.
She even gave me a tiny gift when we parted: a small carved goose. You may not know me, but birds are my thing. Her kindness made me cry.
I'm just saying there are good ones out there, but it can be disheartening to keep failing when you need it to be easy. I wish it was, but it's usually not.
My therapists always remind me to let them know if I feel somethings not working, or if I want to go in a different direction. That’s the sign of a good therapist I guess.
Sometimes I have brought ideas ti sessions that I’ve read or that has resinated with me and would ask them to explore it with me. Sometimes it goes somewhere and other times it’s a dead end.
I have had many therapists though that I’ve only gone to one session because I can tell from that session that they are barking up the wrong tree and not thinking outside the box which is what I wanted. Lost a lot of money doing this lol.
That sounds like a really good therapist. After all that time, work and money spent.. I'm glad you finally found someone =)I guess I expected it to be diff and assumed that everyone who's there to help, has a heart. Kinda sucks!
Therapy is like any other form of treatment. It can have unwanted consequences and side effects. A bad therapy experience can lead to increased guilt and shame among other things. Alot of therapists think treatments like CBT or DBT are the Holy Grail of solving all mental heath problems if the patient just puts in the work. Unfortunately, it's more complicated than that. The study I found on failure rate and side effects from psychotherapy was about 60% success to 40% failure with added side effects. Pretty similiar to medication outcomes. A therapist should never put the onus on you as to why your therapy isn't working.
I definitely agree with you. Thank you for that information.
It is so complicated. I just started doing therapy back in December, so I'm fairly new. I've always suppressed my emotions and never spoke with anyone on how I truly felt, I struggled in silence and finally reached out after dealing with this since forever. Asking for help is hard for me, and a bad encounter can be discouraging and all the above as you stated.
However, talking with others here have been helpful and I appreciate all of you =)
My research will continue. Thanks so much for your insightful input. Best wishes ✨
Sorry to hear this. Maybe express that you feel kind of at a halt, and you’re looking for a bit more feedback and engagement in your sessions. If that is met with a blank stare or shrug it maybe time to move on to another one. You deserve to feel heard actively and that you’re not alone talking to a wall. Prayers up.
I've signaled that's how I felt, I thought they'd catch the hint, but I didn't say it directly. I suppose I should be straightforward and see if that changes anything.Honestly, I'm just afraid of becoming angry and lashing out.
I like how you put it though, that sounds nice lol
I'm going to use those lines..
Thank you for taking your time to comment. You're very much appreciated! Blessings and prayers always ✨
don’t be afraid to walk away. I walked out of 3 different therapists because they were actually making me feel worse. Just because they’ve been to university or college to study psychology it doesn’t mean they understand anything you are going through. The best people to sit with are those who have been in the trenches. That’s what I have always found the best and most understanding conversations. Look after yourself and remember that you owe this therapist nothing! 🙏♥️🕊️
Maybe try a Peer Support person --They have such in NAMI --National Alliance on Mental Illness. Just a suggestion as these people have Lived Experience. Of course, there are good matches & not so good as in everything.
I have seen about 8 different therapist in the past 15 years. A couple were great, a few were terrible, and majority didn’t take the effort to connect with me and my needs. My advice is to keep searching until you find the right one. I wish you the best of luck on your journey!
I feel that.. Did you find the right one? Has it been helpful? I hope so.. That's so many therapist and a long time of therapy, but I want to believe that you've gained some helpful experiences.
Is there a certain therapist to seek in helping with ptsd? I know I have it, it's just not listed in my problem chart, even though one therapist clearly said,
"I'm diagnosing you with ptsd."
The therapist I see now, just communicates with me like it's nothing. I don't understand.
I'll continue searching. Thank you & best wishes to you 💖
I have found two great therapists in the past but due to insurance changes I’m longer able to see my favorites. And that’s also something else I’ve noticed I feel as though the better your insurance the better quality of care. Therapist that accepts state insurance doesn’t seem to be as qualified or care as much as others. I also think you should get multiple opinions when it come to being diagnosed. I’ve been diagnosed with 3 different mental illnesses from the age of 16 to now. The best therapist to me are the ones who you build a rapport with and are comfortable with.
My first therapist at 16 was very judgmental so it took a while for me to trust again.
Keep searching until you find the right one. You should try Zocdoc so you can see reviews as well.
Awe, I'm sorry you no longer see your favorites. I'm sure it makes a huge difference. You're right, how sad it is that if you ain't got the money, you're not getting great service.
It's so disappointing and complicated, for no good reason. I'd be the biggest supporter there was in therapy.
Okay, I'll do that. Thank you so much for sharing, it definitely helps. I wish you all the best! 💖
I am a therapist and it is important to me that my clients feel listened to and heard. Gently exploring my clients feelings and thoughts allows me to better understand what they are feeling, and avoids them having to continuously keep repeating themselves. I'm really sorry you are having this experience. I hope you find someone you gel with.
Hello,Well you seem like a good therapist. I'm surprised to see you here! I'm guessing it helps with awareness and educational purposes? You being here tells me you're great at what you do, because you're taking the time to learn and grow.
For some reason I didn't think there was therapist in here lol, but that's good to know =)
Engagement, Active listening, and showing you care really does help.
Repeating myself, felt like active listening wasn't being utilized and in turn I wasn't being heard.
Hi again,I'm here because I've had 3 heart attacks in 3 years and a double CABG last January. It's difficult being a therapist because I spend my days helping others!! I was the person that needed help when I became unwell, so this forum had been really great!! At the end if the day we are all the same!! HUMAN!! and sometimes a wee bit fragile and vulnerable!! For some reason, folk don't expect therapists to have any issues at all!! They think we are happy all the time with no problems!! Gosh!! How wrong can they be!! Its like people thinking a doctor is never unwell, or a dentist never has toothache, or e en a surgeon never needs an operation!! We are all just trying our best to navigate through our lives. Some of us find it more difficult than others as there are obstacles in their way!! Are you in the uk?
Please don't say sorry!! there is nothing to apologise for, and certainly nothing to forgive either. I don't actually carry the loads of others! Over the years I have learned that these loads don't belong to me, and so I leave them be in my therapy room. It took a while to be able to do this, but its best for your mental health if you can. Theere are, of course, clients who touch my heart, and the issues they have may stay with me a bit longer.
I hope you find a good therapist. Someone you like and trust.
I hear you as I have a friend (a couple of friends) who are therapists, one being in private practice & I remember how hard she struggled getting her PhD & all the struggles in her own family. It, actually, made her a better therapist! I know another therapist who practices alternative mental health methods. So, as you say We are All just Human!
Hi I had a horrible experience with a therapist which took me ages to recover from.
If I learnt anything from this it was what I don't want from therapy. In UK therapy for most is not that well known about and I was completely ignorant about what it would involve! But I educated myself by reading lots online such as what to expect and what I need in therapy, also the type of therapy best for me.
I now see an IFS therapist who is lovely and fits the bill perfectly. Its taken me 8 years and lots of research to find someone suitable and feel at long last I'm progressing. I find it a bit ironic I had to do enough homework to know what I wanted but maybe that's a good thing. It's difficult if you're poorly. Especially if you are paying for a service you want value for money.
Thanks for posting about this, it's good to hear others experiences and hope it helps you figure out what you need.
Hello,I'm in the US and honestly you can say poorly =(
I'm trying to work on myself and navigate through my obstacles, yet these obstacles never seem to go away.
From a young age and culture, I have known to never be so expressive with my emotions.
It took a lot for me to reach out to get therapy. Therapy was not considered a good thing, I known it to be scary and a bad thing to initiate.
But here I am looking for any helpful feedback and doing some research too. I feel like I've learned and acquired some good info to help in finding what's needed.
I'm happy to hear you found what serves you well and that you're progressing =)
That's such great news!! I wish you the best and thank you for sharing!! It's very helpful for others & someone like me.
I’m sorry to hear about you’re therapist I’ve gone through a couple myself and it just didn’t work out some of the advice given to me was okay I guess , sometimes talking to others with similar problems can help. Gotta kiss a couple frogs to get to the prince right so with that being said I think that you should look for another therapist because you deserve to be seen and heard and starting over is always hard but in due time it will get better oh and your not complicated you know what you need and they just don’t have that and that’s okay because someone else does. Best of wishes to you on your journey it’s all gonna work itself out don’t lose hope and keep the faith . We see and hear you here🤗🤗
This will sound backwards but what might help a little is to feel some sympathy for your therapist.
A therapist has technical knowledge of what we're dealing with. And being human, they can to varying degrees be compassionate toward anyone in trouble or ill, and obviously some are better than others.
But no-one cansympathize with us remotely like someone who has our same illness.
My brother has PTSD from combat in Afghanistan. He talked with many chaplains about it but everything they said had no effect -- except -- the chaplain who had also been in combat.
Therapists in some cases may feel overwhelmed and helpless themselves, especially if they're younger and/or their words and efforts don't seem to be helping. In most cases they really do want their patients to get better and if they don't, it can be discouraging for them too.
Feeling some sympathy for the therapist can have two positive effects: a realistic view of his or her humanity and limitations, and, even more important, it will take you out of yourself and your sense of isolation.
First and foremost, Thank you to your brother for his service and all the sacrifice your family gave! 💖
Not backwards at all. I understand exactly what you mean. This is partly why I haven't switched to a new therapist. I've been giving the benefit of the doubt & even though I may be frustrated, I'm a very sympathetic person, even to a fault. And having sympathy can go a long way.
I agree with you & helping others it's definitely healing.
Thank you for taking your time to comment. Wishing you the best ✨🌹
"Helping others is the beginning of healing." Thank you, that's just what I needed to hear tonight. I know that I have been Too Much in my own "bubble," & gotta get out of that!!!
I understand your frustration and I feel the same way. It seems like there's a lack of good therapists and long waiting list, but don't let that discourage you. Have you looked into Better Help. I know they have virtual therapy. I would start looking for somebody else or ask around and find out from anybody in your local community if there's anybody has had better results.
Hello,Thus far I've noticed the lack of good therapist too. Thankfully there hasn't been a waiting list for me and I'm actually currently doing online therapy sessions.
The sessions are one hour, once a wk.
& Sometimes it gets cut short and I feel like it's not entirely enough. I know all the things I want to be acknowledged and expressed from my struggles is going to take a lot of time. I can genuinely write a book for everything I've endured.
I try to remain open minded and I've done a lot of digging so far. I've communicated what I feel with others about this, so I can see if what I feel is valid.
Here has been the most help and for that I'm grateful.
I know there's a lot of tools and other programs available, I just got to dig a little deeper.
I'm considering a holistic approach at the moment.
Its kinda been complicated for me, because there is a lot more to it. However, I won't give up.
Ppl like you who take the time to comment means a lot more than you know, so thank you! =)
Also, I am looking into alternative therapies because I've gone through the standard going to my doctor (trying to find a doctor that can understand that the mind and the body work together is important), prescribe pharmaceuticals, yoga, mindfulness practices, lifestyle and diet changes. All of this matters and it does take time. But I'm looking into something that's alternative do a lot of research to look for anything that is a breakthrough and discovering what can alter and change the neuropath in our brain so that they communicate in different pathways together. This opens doors for depression and anxiety for me from what I am learning and I'm going in this direction in my journey.
I think there should be like a speed dating app for therapist. Like you get a match and you hear them out but if they don't vibe with your energy. Then you move on to the next 1. After 5/7you can go through your matches be like "Fred, Sophia, Alexis I just didn't feel connected. But Jill on the other hand I feel I can pour out my soul to her. I can lay on her couch and tell her things I ain't never told anyone." Ok I pick Jill.
I don't think there is anything wrong with going to another therapist. The whole point is to find someone you feel comfortable with and you can tell them your inner most thoughts and feel validated. Not like your just talking and the cut you off because your hour is up.
I know exactly how you feel, I have been through so many therapist in my lifetime, and most are horrible, I also feel unheard and sometimes just a dollar sign but I have also found some really amazing ones.
It’s a relationship that needs to have trust, or at least have a chance to build trust and it is really important to feel heard and understood.
I’m going through a similar situation, it’s so exhausting but I will keep searching until I find the right one.
Yes, stay positive and I wish you well! I hope you find what works for you too! II know it can be very tiresome, but here there is always someone willing to listen. Take care💖
so sorry to hear about your experiences. Welcome to the new world! Where they give you physiotherapy over zoom , diagnose you with wrong conditions, yes you are absolutely correct, they show no empathy, look bored and then give you a diagnosis that’s not even correct! When I challenged it , she said I was being awkward and then actually said “do you think you could be the problem as that what it looks like”, I promised then I would never go back and I never did! In my own personal opinion, so please do not take offence, they are a waste of space, and I have done more for myself by doing meditation, self healing, reading about trauma and what strategies I can put into place, I also do yoga, i actually treated myself and it cost me nothing as it’s all on you tube. I truly wish you all the best.
No offence whatsover, I accept all point of views, experiences,or feelings... I've been wanting to give up for some of the reasons you stated, I feel that too. That's why I said here on this site, it's been more helpful for me.
It's all over the place. I feel they disregard of lot of what's being said, until I feel the need to have to speak up.
A complete and thorough session, along with a check up and history can be very helpful in proper diagnosis.
I'm holding out hope though because there's always someone willing to listen and help. Adding in similar things you do is great!
I'm sorry your experience was horrible, it's sad, when you need the help and it's not being taken care of properly.
Having others to vent with is indeed helpful.
Thank you for sharing, I hope everything is better than okay ✨
There are literal horror stories I’ve heard and experienced with therapists. Being told after a sexual assault that it could have been worse was top tier 🙄
It can take a while to find the right fit and it’s frustrating I know… but keep trying pls. I finally found my current therapist and I’ve seen her for like 18 yrs or somewhere around there. She’s semi retired but has a small client base and I’m one of them.
She was truly a God send and although I still get frustrated with her sometime lol there are moments when her help has truly healed parts of me.
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It feels so much like the end.
Just going through the motions..
Helping my girlfriend.
Thoughts: being critical and grateful
4am thoughts
