With or without, miserable by default

[Against_the_current]

I always tell myself - okay, i have social anxiety, i have issues, People can't be trusted, i'm better off alone. Then i stay alone, get miserable. I stay alone, my issues get worse and worse. Then I get attention and i know i will regret it. I will feel worse. They don't care about me. Will make me miserable. Don't know what to do. Vicous cycle. Thank you trauma for this weird side effect

[Hidden]

lets try something dif....i personally dont lke clinical...lets say im sensitive....so im scared to ask someon tothe prom or scared to auditon for a part i want to try......technically....im cheatingmhyswlf

myself...if i find a safe;person...i can go slow...and practice....all the things make me nervous....goes away......so illdance witha broom or an aunt or take lessons.....shoot everyone has social anxikety ....

everyhone is scared...ok ....bill ......well ill find those things and practice...and grow throughit soit wont plague me

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

let say i want a job in a restaurant...ok ....so i go there and start in kitche or go there and watch then go home and make a mock set up inmy mnd and practice.....overand over.......what to say and so forth.....works withtime...confidencegrows ...i had tolearne to talk at age 20 ....i used to go to grocery store to listen .....and still leaning....

and i rehease and rehearse...overand over inmy mknd...used to practie jokes and imperonaltions too....fables etc...

so i was reay to cary on conversatins.....

i practiceed conversationsin mhy head over and over...

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

i grw up with zero social skills just how to wok hard on farm...had to learn sports andn dandn....no one knows about it...becase heynever werre intestesd and dont believe and dont care..

sowhat...they arent my true friends since they are never there in the hard times just fair weather friends....ie.......not freinds...why woule i care what they hthink....idont.

[Against_the_current in reply to Hidden]

Yeah, small steps and redemption

[Hidden]

did i tell u i feel bad i cant make peopl feel specialanhmore....the pet rock idea is from others...they hink i m beingnkcwhere as ithinkit genus....learn about rocks too....can u help me learn to dance and waltz? got any stories or fables or campfire songs???

[Against_the_current in reply to Hidden]

Well, i don't think u can't. I'm really unstable myself but it makes creativity flow. Some inner flame

[Hidden in reply to Against_the_current]

unstable?? maybe just plain terrified.....rightly so.????? how would i feel if i were in ur situation......????? ahhhhhhh........extremely tense....to say the least... im sure i dont have a fraction of clue of whats really going on......know what i mean???

our support isnt pity or people looking down at someone...

its like......people in Kansas after a Tornado losing everything...

wow.....holly cow......what a place to be in aned what can we do to help....omg

[Against_the_current in reply to Hidden]

You're right. I was looking at it and me the wrong way. Calling myself unstable and needing pity

[Hidden]

when things are crazy u never want ot logic it....by def its crazy tkme dont try to understand.......be outragewous and design a car or pizza or party or sock friend....

[Against_the_current in reply to Hidden]

Creativity does help indeed

[Hidden in reply to Against_the_current]

lot of credit to u........hey brig ...out here in the pacific ocean...big waves.....lots of fins circling......not so much fun dude......please dont lecture me on that im not treading water right...know what i mean??

hey...ya man.......i soooo get it....wish i could drop u a raft aned supplies ish.....

every really**** feels for u ..this isnt therapy..

[Against_the_current in reply to Hidden]

I don't understand

[Hidden]

all real...used to do it but peoplw dont belive a word...ooh what are wwe going to raise inthe garden...do realize good kingr richard of england was a pow and used his time in prison....yep all true....

most peoplw arnt history people ...same with mandela

[Hidden]

lets use our trauma and time to our** benefit....teaches us who to avoid and to get reeady....like which mean dog to go around...adaptive not fun lessons but adaptive.....

not fun but we all get them....ok who doi trusr where are my safe houses what can i prepare for in schoool or .....use my time to prepare

helps me feel ready

[Against_the_current in reply to Hidden]

Yeah, like King Richard, taking the best of the hard situation

[EndUser13]

😞 At least you understand part of the problem. I think it would be helpful to change the language of your inner monologue. Sometimes SOME people suck, SOME people can't be trusted... now and again you'll find someone totally worth giving a chance to and when you do, it can make all the other nonsense bearable.

[Against_the_current in reply to EndUser13]

Agree. I just hope i do and i'm not too damaged by then. Thanks

[Hidden]

Look at what you’re telling yourself! Be Kind!

[Against_the_current in reply to Hidden]

Thank you for the reminder. The harsh words in my head are making it worse

[MaggieSylvie]

Enduser is right. Reframing the way you see things can help greatly. Just for now, you need to be alone, but not forever - baby steps.

[Against_the_current in reply to MaggieSylvie]

Yeah. It's just that i know it but it bugs me. 6 weeks away from family and love intersts as advised, and it bugged me. But i know this is what i should do. Ah, self guilt. You right, baby steps

[Against_the_current]

Will try

[Against_the_current]

We do. Ptsd is messing me hard. Screaming in my sleep like every night. Getting angry. Getting too much for ppl to handle. Who said we should be handled? I see you're miserable as well. I know we don't talk but If you need, i'm here. And i want a cat but my roommates have these dogs around, also scared to ask If i can get one and take care of one. I miss Bob the rabbit. Saw the campaign of rabbits and animals being used as test subjects and started crying in the middle of the damn city

[Against_the_current]

Same with Bob. I'm always worried about him, scared If something happens to him espessially while i'm away, getting mad at my parents calling him "pig" and "food" and started crying when i saw the rabbits used for experiments. What monsters they have to be to do this to rabbits? And then call me psycho for being mad at humans. Some humans deserve my rage. But If someone hurts Bob... And i got confused - do you recoment getting a Pet or not getting a Pet? Besides all the... Uhm... Female dogs... living here(even worse when they bring males. Their friend is always at the bathroom. Litterary was 3am and i finally managed to go for a shower and he knocked on the door "can i wash my teeth". Dude, what have you been doing for so long, it's my turn. My roommate's new boyfriend is a military and she brings him and he brings friends and i got home and saw it and was like "what is going on here? Did Russia desided to invide us too cause it would be easy? No offence guys"). But you know this feeling well. Yet i find my situation somehow hillarious

[Against_the_current]

Hurts saying goodbye