Am I a failure if I just sat at the table with my family, but rarely talked and looked at my phone the whole time? I feel that I'll never be able to hold a conversation with my family or give them adequate eye contact.
Am I a failure?: Am I a failure if I... - Anxiety and Depre...
Am I a failure?
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EricJones
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52 Replies
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So I dont think you are a failure. Can I ask you why your family didn't include you in the conversation?
They didn't do it on purpose, but they had their own conversations.
You're not a failure Eric. In my opinion your family probably knows that you get uncomfortable in social situations so they are giving you space.
You're not a failure. Your family understands you are quiet. They don't bug you about it. They let you be you.
Now if you want to be included in conversations like your other family members you have to talk to them. You have to put in the effort.
I have a friend who has family who got used to him and his shyness. So they never bothered with it. But he started to bother him that when he did talk to them, conversations were always short. That bothered him so he started to push a little bit. And talk to them about things and ask them things about themselves and he could chime in with tidbits about himself. It takes a minute but eventually it changed for him.
You just have to keep at it.
I guess it will be on me. Yeah, it's like I lost my conversational skills. Whenever someone talks or asks me a question, I get very nervous and overwhelmed.
Yeah it's true you can dull your skills. Because get back there and start small in sharping those conversation skills. Remember life is an by experiment. If you look at it that way, whatever doesn't work. It's not a failure. You just found out what doesn't work.
Wishing you healing and peace 🫂❤️
Hi Eric,No, you are an not a failure at all. You are doing things that are hard for you, and that is to be commended. You went to church, you went out for ice cream with a friend, etc, etc, etc. and that is awesome!!
It is said that we are our own worst critics, and boy is this ever true!
No one is a failure. It's okay if we have things we don't think are normal about us. What is normal anyway? (Rhetorical question). In fact, imagine how boring life would be if we were all good at the same things.
I hope you are okay.
Hi again,I used to work with students with varying special needs. I am extremely ashamed to say that the high school I worked at had "nerd day". It remember that it infuriated one of my kids with Asperger's very much,. Boy could I see why.!
Everyone is normal for them! Please remember this.
Where you a special education teacher or a one on one teacher?
Special education teacher assistant.
For how long?
About 7 years.
Did you like it, love it? Hate it? lol
I had different positions within the same school district. Some I liked better than others. If you're referring to students with special needs in general, then yes, I enjoyed working with them very much.
Yeah, that's awesome. I was referring to the job specifications. What you actually had to do for the job.
I worked for a year in an elementary school in a life skills classroom (kids with profound disabilities). I then worked as a substitute special education teacher assistant, which included schools throughout the district. I also worked in a high school as an assistant in a classroom for those with Asperger's. I was also a job coach in the same high school, meaning that I would follow special needs students to their jobs in the community. Job training, if you will. Job coaching was by far my favorite.
Why did you enjoy job coaching the most?
That's a really good question! I'm not sure, tbh. I guess you could say that it's where I felt the most comfortable. Meaning, I could interact "more freely" with the students instead of having a teacher watch over me the entire time.
I picked up on your eye contact comment. It's ok, Eric. So what if you can't give them adequate eye contact? What's adequate anyway? (rhetorical question)What you think you should or shouldn't do shouldn't matter at all. It's that you try your best to live your best life. Your way.
So, it's not a big deal if I duck my head and avoid eye contact until I feel more comfortable?
Right.
You are not a failure! You are just a human being like the rest of us. We all have issues, but does not mean we are losers. Stand tall, and you are a good person to be reckoned with. God bless.
Thank you. I really appreciate it.
Good morning, Eric. You are doing what everyone else seems to be doing. If you rarely talked - well done. You actually talked; you probably didn't get enough responses from your family. If they can't see that you're making an effort, then I'm sorry to say it, but they are the failures, not you. Thank goodness you have a phone you can look at!
haha. I wouldn't look at my family as failures, but I see your point. They could have made it a little easier on me, but then they might have thought they were giving me space until I was ready to talk.
Well, someone can be a success in one way and a failure in another. I thought I would give you a glimpse into my life. When in a group of people having an interesting conversation, I often find I cannot be heard. I don't have a loud enough voice to be able to break through, so I often just give up, especially if in a noisy place. People sometimes underestimate me, and that's a slightly different story.
Well I don't know why anyone would underestimate you. You seem like a highly capable human being. Very helpful, smart and thoughtful.
Thank you fr that, Eric. Because of my silence in social situations, you probably know me better than people "on the outside". ❤️
You, mean here on the forum?
outside the forum. I've got far more to say here on the forum!
Yeah, it seems like you candid and speak your mind freely. Which is beneficial to the other people on the forum.
Thanks, Eric. Speaking my mind has got me into trouble with people "on the outside", but hopefully, I am learning to be kind at the same time. The good thing about writing is that it gives you time to think before you post! Sometimes people take things the wrong way, however you phrase your comments, so it works both ways.
Do you have a sharp mouth or something, or just strong opinions?
I don't really know. These days I rarely have anyone around to speak to, but if I did, I'd have to have a recorder switched on, because I suspect it's in the cadence of my speech.
What’’s a failure?
Serious question.
Not sure. All different meanings to it.
If failure = not living up to others’ expectations, then that’s probably a good thing.
I'm just afraid that people will look at me differently, because I don't give good eye contact and duck my head.
Yeah, most will, probably.
I’ve been in that position. For many years. Social anxiety. I had it soooo bad….
Can’t even imagine it, anymore. And my current friends find it hard to believe me. I’m a loudmouth, these days. But back then….I’d pray no one in the street or the grocery store would talk to me about the weather, because I didn’t know how to respond in a normal way and I’d have an hours long anxiety attack after. My whole evening would be spent in misery.
Fun!
It's like failing to click on the correct key! No, seriously, mostly a failure is something others deem you have achieved. It's like "beauty is in the eye of the beholder" "failure is in the judgement of someone else", but sometimes it's absolute, like failure to get the car going, failure to get to work on time, so it can also be measurable "failure to hit the mark". You didn't get the result you intended.
Not a fialure, but a product of a society that has allowed its people to find a way NOT to communicate effectively anymore.
Put the device down, face your fear to talk to your family if that's what is in your way.
You can change this, but it might take a leap into a fearful position for you to do so.
Good outcomes, my friend.
Not bad advice. Hard to do though. Thanks.
Oh yes, most difficult to accomplish, but probably worth it.
It happens sometimes when u r not doing well psychologically emotionally or professionally. It happens with me also
no ur not a failure. Just sit there mayb just put a smile on ur face , and try to zoom in with the conversation with ur family. Take a deep breath relax
No. You're not a failure. You need to stop talking about yourself in a negative way. Positive self talk helps you with your view of yourself and your Self Esteem. If no one ever told you this before, please know that You are Enough, You are Loved. You are Cherished, and You are Fearfully and Wonderfully Made by God Himself! You are a Perfect Being that was made in His Image. Do you know what makes you special? No one else is like You! You are Unique and were Born with a Purpose! You have a Gift that needs to be Shared with the World. What are you Good at? For example, I am Great at Helping People and I'm Compassionate so I use that Gift to Share my Testimony or Story to Help Others. I tried to kill myself three times between the ages of 18 and 21. My mother verbally emotionally and psychologically abused me when I was teenager. My father physically abused me when I was younger and he also didn't protect me from my mother's wrath towards me nightly and instead went to bed and let me deal with it all on my own. I was also sexually assaulted too when I was younger too. These experiences did wonders for my self-esteem and self-worth and I have struggled with both and have issues like depression because of these experiences. Do you know what I did? I wrote a letter to both of my parents because they hurt me deeply. I told them how they hurt me, how it made me feel and how they could have done better by me and then I Forgave them both because they weren't perfect individuals and they were both flawed in many ways. They are human and we all make mistakes some bigger than others but just the same we all have room to grow. I shared both letters with my therapist who told me he was amazed by the fact that I could forgive them so easily. I told him that it took me many years to get to that point where I could finally let all of the pain go so that I was able to realize that my parents were not perfect and made mistakes many of them over and over again but I forgave them. Not for them but for me so I could heal my sensitive heart and it's still a work in progress, don't get me wrong, there's still a lot of work that needs to be done. I need to treat myself better too and talk to myself in a more positive way too. So you see, you're not alone in this journey, we all have room to grow and then flourish. I hope for me one day I could know that I look okay and don't have to ask my husband every single day, " Do I look okay?" I have my own insecurities and suffer with a lot with self esteem problems and self-loathing issues which I'm working on right now. So you see we are all on our own personal journey of self acceptance. If all of my pain could be used for the greater good then somehow it was all worth it correct? Correct.
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