Somewhat of a Revaluation

[jayT67]

The past two years I've been working hard with college to become an EMT. Last year I lost a family member to a medical emergency that wounded me deeply. The person I lost meant everything to me. They supported me through thick and thin and even beyond that. There was nothing I could do to ever disappoint this person.

After the lost of this person my previous therapist had told me I developed a PTSD to the incident that I wasn't aware of. After she told me that it became clear to me that I didn't just have my current incident to deal with but a new one.

Basically I've was losing the motivation to continue with EMS until recently and now family and friends have been asking me why I haven't moved forward in the career. I don't know how to tell those people that I want to be the best I can be. I lost the person that meant more to me than anything in this world.

Edit: I just re-read through this and came to the conclusion that I've been trying so hard to be perfect when that impossible and the person I lost would be telling me to just get it done.

Anyone have any advice on how to keep moving forward after losing someone??

[Nathalie99 Partner]

I will think on this and share things that helped me.

I'm so sorry for your loss, jayT67.

Sending support and strength...

[Nathalie99 Partner in reply to Nathalie99]

Hi jayT67,

It is understandable that you were not able go back to the job you were doing because of the level of pain you have been going through and also because of the type of work you do.

I am concerned that going back to the same line of work would bring back the triggers and I wouldn't want you to push yourself and be hard on yourself.

You have several traumas to deal with and pushing through might not be the best option but you know yourself better and what works for you.

If you have any possibility to move to another department, for example administration or any other type of work, perhaps it would make it easier.

Sonetimes having a change is a good thing but you know yourself best and how you feel at this time in your life.

I've had trauma therapy and still need to come back to the subjects so it seems that a new trauma added to what I already went through. So it's really different for everyone.

I do my best to move forward but sometimes something triggers me and being compassionate with myself while allowing to establish a sense of safety in here and now is very important.

(In my particular situation I was a very small child when the first trauma happened and sense of safety is linked)

Having other people around might bring some comfort. Chatting about hobbies or anything of interest, doing a project of some kind where you need to concentrate 100% might give you a relief.

I hope you will find the best way forward and wishing you find comfort and support.

[Hidden]

To be able to deal with a loved one that meant the world to me,I bought a helium balloon,wrote with perm marker,everything I didn't get to say to them,n other things I wanted to say.Played a song that reminded me of them.Went outside said some words n watched the balloon drift up to the heavens.Everytime I think of them,I remember my words, the balloon n it makes it alittle easier everyday.

Sounds weird but helped me alot.