I'm really tired of this...

I'm sure many people on here have experienced some form of victim blaming/shaming, or someone trying to force us into a box to make us "normal." I thought I'd share what makes me incredibly frustrated and often spirals me into a depression.

"You're not trying hard enough."

"You're wasting my time."

"You conveniently trusted people, so the abuse is your fault." (a therapist told me this once)

"All you need to do is (X)"

"Why can't you be into normal things?"

"Are you autistic?"

"Stop being emo."

"You're just doing it to be special/for attention."

I constantly experience this and many forms of invalidation. I absolutely hate it when narrow-minded people can't accept that there is NO SUCH THING AS NORMAL. Everything is on a spectrum. EVERYTHING. All of my life I've been kept out of things because I wasn't "right." To this day, I still struggle with that. Everything I think is wrong. Everything I feel is wrong. Everything I say is wrong. And I can't try to be "right." Because then I'm copying people. So I end up in this place where I feel like I'm being suffocated.

Don't scream - that's attention seeking. Don't express pain - you're inconveniencing everyone. Don't cry - you're being dramatic. Just smile quietly while they slowly poison you.

I've dealt with this with therapists, too. They don't know me, but they're allowed to tell me what to do. How to be healthy. And if I assert my personal boundaries, I'm the problem? I'm wasting everyone's time? I fell trapped. Suicide is wrong, but treating a victim of mental illness like trash is okay? I feel like I'm drowning.

[Shy_Guy]

I understand what you are talking about. Well meaning people trying to help but they don’t really understand.

I hear

You just need to get over it like so en so.

I asked similar thing to myself. My brother lived through the same things that I did. Both parents alcoholics, mental illness, abuse. My brother got through it without falling apart and needing years of therapy. Why?

Some people can wall off their emotions better than me. I feel everything and see what really happened.

Some people are more resilient than me. I did not ask to live with crazy people. I did not want to be dealing with the emotional pain years later but it’s there. It haunts me. So I feel I have to deal with it.

I feel for your plight. I had to find different therapist. This last time a paid them and we had an interview process. I asked them what their stance was on people with PTSD. This was a good starting point. I told him that I was not real thrilled to be back in therapy because I thought I should be over it, but it still haunts me. Could he help me without trying to fix me. It was my job to fix myself with a little help. He agreed.

I told him my only problem is between my ears. If I could calm the negative thinking and see life as both negative and positive and not only negative or not only positive then I could live a better life.

I am not sure it is working but I get direction and understanding. It only takes someone who understands the struggle to help me.

Good luck to you. I hope you find someone

[Hidden in reply to Shy_Guy]

The problem is not whether I can find someone. It's a matter of class and economy. I don't have the Privilege of options. I have what I have, and what I have is terrible. But that's why Privilege is what it is. It is options. Whether it is White Privilege or Male Privilege. It means I don't have what someone else has.

[Agara33 in reply to Shy_Guy]

The oldest sibling sometimes shields the younger from the crash of the wave of craziness of the parents-takes more issues on. Also some look outwardly ok but they have just found some way of surviving and don’t look at their pain-too scared to...nothing is what it seams with people

[Shy_Guy in reply to Agara33]

I did shield my brother. I tried to be a father figure even though it was not my job.

I really think he was effected but he was some how led a normal life unlike myself.

[Nathalie99 Partner]

I am sorry you have been excluded from so many things, ryz.

Those things that people say, without realising or understanding of what the other person is going through, can be terribly hurtful. That makes it so much harder to socialise.

I am sorry there aren't many trauma trained therapists. Studying psychology isn't enough to understand and sometimes the best trauma therapists come from a traumatic background themselves.

There aren't very many unfortunately.

I started reading things and doing my own inner work when I didn't have a good therapist. It made things clearer and I was able to understand things better to be able to find a better therapist.

I'm sorry therapy experiences made it worse. It can unfortunately happen with trauma.

[Roxylox]

I can simply identify with you thoroughly. I have had people think I was autistic too. Its hard to get people to really be on your side No matter how you react to people it seems to be wrong.

If I don't interact with people they talk about me. If I do they often misunderstand stuff I say and tell others Im weird, I'm so not. In this instance I can't advise just really empathise, and hope some others will have valuable advice.

[Agara33]

There’s also, don’t feel sorry for yourself, I think you can do more, your making excuses, that’s reality, get a grip, everything will be fine, maybe everything will work out, it will come, get a job, trust in God, everybody is lost, everyone feels isolated, that’s just how it is-being invalidated is my main trauma

[Shy_Guy in reply to Agara33]

I think a lot of us hear these things. I know I have and I have read many others struggling with it too.