should

[peacefulandcalm]

I send the letter to my father ? try to rent and go through the triggers of scary property management and moving and moving etc?

The adrenaline is going through my body and brain and I know this is not good for me.

I will make some tea.

[jamie2727]

I know real estate and management well. Let me know if I can help you.

Bless,

Jamie

[peacefulandcalm Encourager in reply to jamie2727]

thank you Jamie , I will. It is confusing to me.

[Nathalie99 Partner]

I think maybe you could send the letter through your mother asking for his financial help explaining you need a place and stability in order to recover.

I think going to your father yourself might be too much at this time, if you are getting triggered so much just by thinking about it.

Maybe you can see your father once you improve with help of the therapist and meditation? You can just explain to him that you are ill and stressed and that you will visit him when you can?

You mentioned he is aging but doing all the triggering things all at once, my feeling is that it's too much. First handle the move then the visit to your father.

A psychologist once said that inaction is producing more anxiety than taking any decision and make steps towards it. That the anxiety build up from too long not being able to make a decision. I am not saying I always agree but at times it seems true indeed.

[peacefulandcalm Encourager in reply to Nathalie99]

thank you Nathalie. I will do that. From now on.

I called my mother and talked to her. She and I are going to talk in the next few days. Yeah, I can only handle talking to her. She can then act as an intermediary even though she does not want to talk to him at all as he still upsets her too but not as much.

She is doing it anyway for me as she knows he is my number one trigger and understands PTSD to some extent, and how ill I get, and so I feel very grateful.

I feel so alone right now. So terrified. Feel like I am going through all this alone. I know you said several times you feel alone through the fight. Me too.

thank you.

[jamie2727]

You're not alone - we are all here for each other! You have people here who understand when other just don't....

[peacefulandcalm Encourager]

thank you Jamie. ok, is it difficult to buy and sell a home later when I want to move from one home to another? it is easier to rent and then buy?

I am scared right now. Nightmares all night. Screaming all morning (in my sleep).

I really don't know whether to ask my father to send money so I can buy a cheap townhome ( I am already in an altered state due to , well, I did ask....then got scared that he would indeed cause huge damage that I don't know)

But as my mother said, he causes trouble by making a person so upset that things get messed up. It is true. The terror starts and rage and then dissociation. And then one is in an altered state. Well, with PTSD, one is.

I know it will pass. I just don't know how to get financially the furthest away from needing his help and be ok, restore my health and soul. He does seem to chip away at one's soul. (he is unconscious of it I am sure)