I felt as if I was 'cured' from ptsd but now i see that it responds in more subtle forms.
I was physically assaulted about ten years ago and also lost my family and career in the process. Since then I have questioned everything about life, identity, faith, society etc. I began to paint and write because I had very little in my life. At the same time, I began to self-medicate because the pain was awful. Plus the pain, the numbness, sleeplessness, anxiety all added to my deep feelings of isolation and I became dependent on alcohol.
Three years ago I got sober through a 12 step program and began working again. I got married two years ago. Now I am in my last year of completing my Masters degree in Art Therapy. I am very busy with this degree and with work in a local cafe which I do not enjoy at all but need to work at to pay for food and life in general.
I have been doing pretty well this year but as I inch my way toward completion of the degree (I have about 30 more weeks) I find myself becoming quite depressed and angry. I just feel that there is part of me that is not there or a sense of sadness, emptiness, and grief.
I cannot afford therapy myself so I am just stumbling through life, showing up but not really feeling engaged. I feel exhausted with life and sad most of the time. I am angry when I have to interact with the general public because I just want to go and sleep and hide and paint and write for a while.
Does any one have any advice?