TRIGGER WARNING ( LOSS)
it has been 3 mths since the loss of my sister in law and 7 mths since the loss of my father in law. Quite the year I tell yah and it doesn't end there however for the. Sake of this evenings post I will stop there . The night she passed away I was awoken by the phone in a deep sleep to be alerted y her husband she was in deep trouble. I asked him to contact ems which he failed to do whicg put me in a first responder role and notifying help. Not that this should shock anyone but too much time. Had passed and I was unable to save her. The guilt and the shame are eating away at me, the pain tabs at my heart so much this christmas day. I don't eat I don't sleep and this new diagnosis of PTSD has me wondering when does any of this get better . Does it get better . I have a therapist a psychiatrist the meds don't work they make me sick and all I want to know is does this or can this truly get better ?
How can i be so traumatized, ptsd is messing me hard, nightmares again 
A Psychiatrist who spent all of 15 minutes told me in a dismissive way I do not have PTSD
I need some help with my next step(s) 
I fear my own body and body sensations
I feel like the only one being responsible.
