Hi everyone. I have been experiencing some symptoms which I think might be ptsd. But I am not sure. In order to understand where I am today I feel I need to give some background. Sorry if this is a bit long.
It all started 2012 when my nan got cancer. I was dealing with heart problems at the time so I wasn't working. My dad also had heart problems so I took over the driving and became a support for my mum. I remember being called in with my mum just before my nan died to talk about hospice care. I remember thinking that I should not have been there it should have been my dad. But he was ill so I stepped up.
2016 my dad has a major heart attack and has to have a triple heart bypass. I was there when he woke up. Its the worst I have ever seen him.
Later on when he was still in hospital my uncle had a bad heart attack as well. I helped my mum take care off them both. We had to drive a long way each day to visit. I still don't know how we did it. There was one point where I had to hold my uncles leg down as he was tring to pull the pump out that was keeping him alive before they did the bypass.
2018 my other uncle has cancer. He has a collection of mini strokes and everytime I helped pick him up and clean him some times. I was there when he had the big stroke. Which was hard. In hospital my mum had to make the decision about whether he lived or not. The cancer was very bad and they didn't think he would make it through the rehabilitation. I was there supporting her. He died
2019-2022 my mum was told she had stage 4 lung cancer. For the first 2 years she fought it and we thought she had beaten it. Like all the other times I was supporting her. In the last six months of her life she suddenly got worse. My sisters, father and I was caring for her. She had a violent thing happen on the day she died. I couldn't go to the hospital because my younger sister had mental health issues and couldn't be left. I wasn't there when my mum passed. We also lost our family dog which I was with when they put him down.
2023. My dad had another major heart attack which led to heart failure. I spent new years in hospital with him. I was also a carer to my younger sister for 6 months.
3 weeks ago my older sister had to put her 13 year old dog down because she was really ill. I was with her when this happened.
So this is what has been happening recently.
2 weeks ago I house and dog sat for my older sister. They went abroad. I took them to the airport with no problems.
I was going to get them. I was 30 minutes away from the airport when I needed to go to the services. There was a lot of traffic. I went into the service station and it was very noisy and busy. I got to the loo when I needed to go in a cubicle. My ears where pulsing and I felt overwhelmed by all the noise and people. I got out and back to the car where I started to uncontrollably cry. I didn't understand because I didn't feel scared or sad. I got my sister and got them home and was OK.
When I tried to play a computer game the same thing happened but this time my hands where shaking. Yesterday when I had a shower the same thing happened.
It seams that noise and big crowds start off the attacks. I am seeing my gp but she is on holiday so I have to wait for another 2 weeks.
With the shower thing yesterday I am thinking I need to talk to someone.
I am sorry for the length of this but I am a bit worried. Any advice would be great.
Thank you for your time.
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Spedyrecovry50
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I am so glad you reached out, that is very brave of you.
I am so sorry for your losses of family members that you took care of. I know how hard it hits when you care for someone and they die...
You have been through so much over the years and also have had very serious, potentially life threatening health issues yourself.
I am not a professional but several traumatic events and death of close family members, all together, could lead to PTSD. It doesn't have to be one big event, it could be many different events over the years that add up.
Also, if you page down, you'll come across a Topics section, where past posts are sorted by topic where one was assigned by the author. The posts in the Resources, Tool Box and perhaps My Story might include some of interest to you.
I'm so sorry you have been through so much. My condolences on the loss of your family members.
This is a lot of trauma stacked back to back. I wonder how much processing you are able to do before the next event occurred.
The fact that you are now having symptoms is concerning. Sometimes we just run on adrenaline just to survive. There is only so much we can get through and then our bodies try to tell us we need help.
I'm glad you have an appointment set up with your GP. Please take care of yourself in the meantime. Don't push yourself if you can help it.
We can't diagnose of course but based on my own experiences I see some similarities in your story.
Thanks for the reply. I did some meditation yesterday and just relaxed all day. It was amazing. I am feeling better and I do understand that this could take time.
So sorry to read your story, we all have sad stories to tell in here so support is sometimes all we can give. If you feel overwhelmed over a long period of time and just keep going, with little support or intervention then eventually something will snap. Whether you have specifically PTSD only a doctor will clarify, or not, probably a title does not matter. The fact you feel not you, or are developing symptoms means help is needed. There is alot you can do for yourself but talking therapies are the main recommendation. Feeling heard and understood is a big thing, trouble shared is a trouble halved and all that. Feeling not alone and supported is a good first step. Each of your described events were traumatic to you so have chipped away. Go on line for free guided meditations I do 2 a day, a great help, there are examples of EFT, tapping, EMDR all sorts to do via internet to help. Take time out to do things to feel joy to recharge your depleted batteries, look for how to do exercises such as writing out the traumatic event rate out of 10 then reply to it by finding the positives out of the event and rating again and see how much reduced to leave as a better memory. Seek and ye shall find help. Good luck
Sounds more like a panic attack to me. Ptsd generally you have flashbacks and that’s what causes uncontrollable mood. With panic attacks, it can be the current environment. Definitely talk to a doc though. Your situations could have caused both panic attacks and ptsd.
First you have been through a lot and is anyone supporting you mentally through everything?
I personally think it sounds like anxiety coming through with a roar because it’s been probably pushed away so you could help others. You’ve been on high alert for a long time and I think talking to someone would help.
Thanks for all the replys. My family does support me which is good. We have all had bereavement therapy. But I didn't seam to get much help on dealing with all this stuff. That wasn't really talked about. I have had anxiety before. This time it seamed different. Only because of being sensitive to noise and large groups.
Hi everyone. Thought I would update you all. I spoke to my doctor. She put me onto talking therapies. I am arranging to talk to them. I also talked to the nhs mental health person at our surgery. He thinks its anxiety and a kind of social phobia. Not sure if I agree but who knows. I got the go ahead to start c25k. Which I am loving at the moment. I feel like I am getting some where.
Another update. I have an appointment with a cardiologist coming up about my heart issues. Which is great. Talking therapies where great. I am waiting to hear how they are going to help. Only thing was I had to stop the c25k. Because of my weight. But I am going to continue with the walks. Feeling up beat about things. The talking therapies lady said that I am suffering with panic attacks. But she said there are things that can be done.
Thank you so much for your update.I am very sorry you had to stop couch to 5 k. I hope maybe in the future you can restart it.
Walking is a great exercise and it can help make you feel stronger.
Are there any other options that are available like swimming or perhaps some gentle fitness class?
Having an appointment coming up is stressful. You are doing well with walking so I hope your doctor will be happy about that.
Panic attacks are really tough and I am very sorry that you are going through this.
Having patience with yourself and being compassionate with yourself might help when it is happening.
I noticed that mine are worse when I am putting extra pressure on myself when I can't do any more and I force myself or some external circumstances force me to go beyond my limits.
I haven't learned how to not go overboard with things as I constantly pressured myself so it was very tough to accept when I can't push myself anymore.
I am glad that talking therapy is helping and that the therapist is knowledgeable about the panic attacks. It is great progress.
It is inspirational to hear how much you have achieved...
Hi all. Another update.The cardiologist said I might have myopericarditis.
I am not allowed to exercise until I have had some tests done. I havent heard from number 22 yet for therapy. I have been having more problems with panic attacks being triggered by noise. I am staying at my sisters at the moment and I feel better. Which makes me think that my home environment is adding to my health problems. I am going to look at whether I can move to somewhere by my own to distance myself from the family home as it reminds me of my mum and my sister and dad can be a bit demanding. I just feel like I need some time on my own.
Hi all. Another update.It has been hell. I got covid over Christmas so I had to stay in my room so I missed most of Christmas. Even though that happened I felt like I was getting better. Until in January my phone exploded just before I went to bed. I managed to get it out off the house but I seriously burnt my fingers. I had to go to A & E. Since then the panic attacks have got really bad. My eyes rolled back one time and the last one was 30 minutes long. Normally they only last a few minutes. The weird thing is the triggers. My sister is facing being chucked out of her house. Then I had to go into my loft as there was a leak. I managed to fix it. Then I had to sort out the boiler as we had no hot water. I felt fine. No sign of panic. I had a shower. I was in my room drying my hair. All I did was put my hands on my head. That started the attack. I tried my breathing but it didn't work. I then laid on my bed as I saw little white dots. I listen to a meditation to help with the attack. I had to go through it twice before I got out of the attack. I have never had one last so long.
My cardiologist said that my heart is ok. She believes that its stress that is causing the palpitations and missing heart beats. I also woke up twice really dizzy. I have stopped all exercise for now as I thought the exercise would make the symptoms worse.
Since the long attack I cant handle going places on my own. Any loud noises trigger me. I am not scared of going places. But now I worry about having an attack at any time.
I am seeing a cbt therapist at the end of March. I feel this is to far away. I don't know what to do.
I have talked to the samaritains a few times which has helped but they can only do so much. I just need some help.
You mention reaching out to the Samaritans. I'm glad you looked for help when you felt things were too much to handle on your own.
If you have cardiology clearance could you try some low impact exercise? Perhaps some gentle yoga which will help mind and body?
Have you tried some music as background during an attack? Your brain will begin to absorb that and maybe help settle you a bit. I've found getting outside to be helpful, just sitting on the stairs taking in fresh air has helped de escalate my symptoms
Thanks. I did try going outside but I went on my own. I then had another attack. I do listen to music. It normally works but the last time it took longer to help. I have contacted my gp. I am just waiting to hear from them. I might try sitting in my garden next time. Thanks for the suggestions and the support.
Hi everyone. Another update. I had 4 sessions with number 22. It didn't help the attacks. I went back to talking therapies and they have arranged some cbt but I have to wait until May. I have been having some bad flash backs of my mum and uncle. I also have been having these weird audio hallucinations. First I heard my sister calling me and no one was there. Then the other day I thought I heard my dad shout and fall to the ground but he didn't. I am now getting chest pain with it and I am light headed most of the time. I think I am going go talk to my gp about it. My sister is moving in just over a week. She was a safety net for me and now is going to be further away. I think this is effecting me. Before I could have got to her on my ebike. But now I would need a car. I was thinking of trying for pip but I would need a lot of help. I went to my sisters for Easter and the drive caused alot of anxiety. When I got home I had a heavy chest, chest pain and dizzyness. I also was breathless. As well as the normal shaking and hyperventilating. I just want some peace. Thanks for letting me talk on here. It really helps me. I don't feel like I am alone in this.
I'm so sorry you are going through this. Do you think the fact that your sister is moving could have stirred all this up? Your safety and support person will be further away from you.
I think it's a good idea to talk to your GP. I think using all your resources during a time like this is very important.
It's good news you are scheduled for CBT. Waiting to get started is the hard part.
Just seen my gp. Told her about Easter. She says I have anxiety disorder. I told her about the flash backs and noise triggered panic attacks but she didn't think it was ptsd. Am I wrong in thinking this? Is it normal to have flash backs with just anxiety. Am I barking up the wrong tree?
She was going to try and get me an earlier cbt. But all she could offer was drugs. If I had the money I would go private. I have already found some local therapists who specialise in ptsd. But there are too expensive. I have done many online tests and they all say I probably have ptsd.
I'm so sorry . The system seems to have so many road blocks and it is happening everywhere. Many members on HU can't seem to get the right therapy in a timely fashion.
I'm wondering, in the meantime, could you look into some self help books or your tubes on CBT, maybe get a jump start on things?
Thanks i will have a look. I am not sure about the cbt. I have told them about what has happened and I have mentioned about ptsd. I won't know until I have it.
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