Just read a post....

[peacefulandcalm]

on here that talked about bad therapy and being pushed to discuss the traumas when we are already on the edge, dissociated, fragmented, in fight or flight etc. I am angry that my therapist has done that. Several years ago, I did not know enough to stop her, or say no, and was too terrified to say no. I knew it made it worse and she kept doing it.

Now, I say no. I just wonder about her- can I trust her? Did she know she was doing something harmful and did it anyway because she just wanted to for her own self? Did she not realize she was harming me? how can I trust her? When I was too weak to protest, she pushed me more and more and more and saw me disintegrate. Did she just make a mistake? Is she a sadistic, cruel person?

Sometimes she will tell me when I am very triggered and she does not know how to calm me that.....she tries to do this or that and I.....then blames me. When she does not know what to do. I am pretty damn angry. I have forgiven her over and over. Let her know how I feel about those things. Just wonder about her when I am at my most vulnerable and she does not know what to do and does these damaging things.

Now when I feel stronger, not triggered, I will not let her push me in any way and I just have better boundaries in general. Confused. For now, staying with her. But want to write much more on this site, get feedback. What does anyone think?

(current trigger is the people next town home over doing landscaping in yard. ) Why does this trigger me, not sure....we don't always know why certain things trigger us, is this correct? I have a week to go until it is over. Triggers feel like torture. Doing all my coping skills....can anyone suggest any good advice, more coping skills? I would appreciate of course getting better at handling triggers.

[Hidden]

Hi peacefulandcalm,

I'm sorry to hear your therapist pushed too hard like that. Who knows what leads a person to cross the line like that. But - I hear a strong declaration by you when you say "I will not let her push me in any way, and I just have better boundaries in general." I think that's the best way to make sure it doesn't happen again.

Stay with the therapist? Only you can make that decision. I've seen other people on the forum have incidents with their therapist, and address it with them. The response by the therapist will say a lot about whether it's good to stay:

A therapist who gets defensive and tries to make it all about you - that's a warning sign.

If they own their part, and help you make an action plan for the two of you so that the incident doesn't recur - that's a really good sign.

If the therapist says she doesn't know what to do when you get really triggered - maybe she's in over her head. If my therapist had to say that to me, at the very least, I would expect them to go do research on what to do differently - not just keep doing the things that make it worse.

I think you've got a really good direction - keep talking this issue out on the forum until you can determine what's right for you.

[peacefulandcalm Encourager in reply to Hidden]

thank you , more to write on this, but feeling terror...

[Hidden in reply to peacefulandcalm]

I understand. Don't overstimulate yourself - talk about it when you can.

[red85 in reply to Hidden]

Good point, Dan! I've worked through stuff with my therapist and our relationship has only gotten stronger. How they react is very telling!

[Hidden in reply to red85]

Thanks red85. I agree - my therapist was fine when I addressed issues!

[AnyaC]

Wow..I would run so fast and far from that therapist. If you've already talked to her about it and it hasn't changed, and she doesn't know what to do to help you... it just makes sense to me to find a new one if you can.

I have come to understand where the triggers come from and why - if there's a noise that sounds too close to my home and I don't know if I'm safe with it, or with the people causing it, for instance. If I get a negative or hostile reaction from someone... my triggers are very acute when I'm with people I don't feel secure with, in situations I don't have a way out of, and after dark, especially when I'm home alone. I trigger when the phone rings, when certain mail comes, and when there are voices passing by. I know, they're weird, but it's all about people. I have figured that out, and why. I guess that's a start.

I've also learned how to decide if I want to go places.... I ask myself 3 questions: 1) am I safe with that person or people I will see. 2) If I'm not sure about my safety, is there an easy way out. 3) Will I have enough fun to risk it anyway. You can't always tell for sure, of course, but it's a start to get me to want to leave the house and be part of the world.

Know there are people here in this forum who know and understand, and we all are supportive and encouraging of each other. We may not have the exact same triggers or causes or traumas, but we all deal with the same symptoms of PTSD, and we know what it's like to live with it.

Sending love and support! Hang in there!

- Anya

[peacefulandcalm Encourager in reply to AnyaC]

hi Anya,

didn't my reply go through? I don't know....kind of shaky....thank you so much....I resonated with so much of what you said. I feel terror still. The yard thing will be going on another week, I don't feel like I can take it....what do I do?

Marishka

[AnyaC in reply to peacefulandcalm]

Is there someplace where you can go for the next week where you'll feel safe? I understand so well how you feel! I think I would find somewhere to go, or someone you can trust to come and stay with you. It's so hard when things are going on that you don't have any control over.

I got so frightened in my own home, I couldn't walk through my own home in the dark. I finally had to get a dog. She has provided me with such a feeling of security! She lets me know when someone is in the neighborhood, or when someone is at the door, and she comes running quickly if I raise my voice. She's a wonderful solution to the things I can't control. It doesn't take away all the fear, but at least I can feel secure here, in my home.

Hang in there, Marishka (love your name!). You aren't alone!

Sending love and comfort your way... Anya <3

[Nathalie99 Partner in reply to peacefulandcalm]

Hi Marishka,

Just wanted to say: please try to get out of the situation which is triggering you right now. Do you have ANY options to stay somewhere else? Are you alone at home or not (that makes a difference).

Do NOT get more triggered...avoid triggering situations.

When it's too much and sounds it is, please take a step back to get back to be able to self regulate emotions.

First things first....

Address the therapy issue later when you have clear mind. It's too much all together too much over stimulation.

Sending you hugs and support..........

[KL71]

Hi, this sounds like what I went through with my last therapist. It went on for about 16 months, until I realized, being triggered on almost every visit was slowing my recovery severely. It was difficult to get out of,because the first question when I asked for a replacement was, "Well, how long have you been seeing her?" But I pushed through, got a new one, and it has made a world of difference!!! I am just sharing what happened with me, I hope you get through this tough place. ((hugs))~Kristina

[peacefulandcalm Encourager in reply to KL71]

thank you...can't type much, please see above...feeling terror...

[KL71 in reply to peacefulandcalm]

I'm so very sorry, I hope you find peace soon. Slow, deep breaths help me, but don't "hold" the breath, that signals our body of danger, just smooth breaths. Hang in there <3

[red85]

EFT, EMDR, yoga bring me comfort when I'm feeling overwhelmed. I just tap and tap or do a butterfly hug or do a yoga video, sometimes while crying, until I feel some relief.

I'm so glad you wrote about this. It sounds like you already have a good strong gut instinct about your therapist. I think more important than HER motivations for what she does is how it makes YOU FEEL. Hopefully, when we go to therapy we learn about ourselves and gain some sort of relief. If your therapist is not helping you to achieve your goals, you're absolutely right to question it!

I truly believe there is someone for everyone when it comes to therapy and if your therapist is not helping you there is someone who will. People become therapists for a lot of different reasons and there is someone who became a therapist so they could work with people just like you!

Do what feels right for you!

[Personalpower101]

Hi

It's my experience as a practitioner that dragging the past into the picture without appropriate tools to interrupt the fight an flight reaction is very traumatic an damaging it just keeps increasing the memory

Cells , you don't need to confront the past you need to let it go an find new ways of meeting your needs in a safe loving way finding a new life to become engaged with that is in line with your values , trust your instincts an find a new healer an coach

Best wishes to you .

Follow your heart an believe the best person is out there for you

I'm on the other side now

Free from my past living a present life .

It can happen for you

[Hidden in reply to Personalpower101]

In my opinion, saying "you don't need to confront the past," can be a volatile statement, as it leads to the potential of continuing to carry the burden of the past.

I agree that going into therapy too fast can be too much for some - but just trying to "let it go" and move on is pretty simplistic, and not that effective. Imagine trying to just "let it go" with a broken leg, and not trying to heal it. The logic just doesn't hold up, especially for something as deep as PTSD.

[Personalpower101 in reply to Hidden]

Making peace with the past isn't easy but going back into it doesn't help with a lot of people it just puts them back into the feelings that traumatised them in the first place . People with high sensitivity can be triggered severely through conventional counselling , there are other more affective ways to ( let go of the past ) to release it to stop it being triggered but part of it is the belief that you can become present ,without being run by past experiences .

[Hidden in reply to Personalpower101]

I still disagree - just "becoming present" and thereby "making peace with the past" - is not an effective healing mechanism.

[Personalpower101 in reply to Hidden]

PTSD can be healed with energy psychology in a lot of cases

[Hidden in reply to Personalpower101]

I'm just curious. Do you have PTSD, and have you used the techniques you are suggesting to heal it?

[Personalpower101 in reply to Hidden]

Yes I have had it an I don't have it anymore an I believe it's the tequnique of eft energy healing that did that for me

[Hidden in reply to Personalpower101]

Let me do some research on what you're suggesting. Something feels off about this whole interaction.

[Personalpower101 in reply to Hidden]

if you have never heard of it then yes that's a very good idea . There have been people that have had their lives transformed , it's used on gencide victims , soldiers ect...

An can be used to release many traumas from the past that are trapped in your nervous system , I have released so much trauma from my past that I thought I would never be free from thanks to EFT

[Hidden in reply to Personalpower101]

I've heard of EFT, but I think what felt off to me is that this is a forum for people with PTSD, who want peer support.

You say you don't have PTSD any more, so you're not on this forum for personal support.

When you first joined our forum, you were offering your EFT coaching services, and that's not really what we're about.

Maybe there's a better place elsewhere for you to contribute.

[Lindyloo53 Volunteer]

There is only one word that comes to mind for me in reading your post. RUN.

No way nit ever would I stay with a therapist that pushed me to the point of me unraveling. This is NOT what therapy is about. In your time in your way and NOTHING to do with what the therapist wants...again...RUN.