I need to vent very badly. I am triggered and so angry. Cannot really write it clearly so angry. But I guess get it out is good? I don't know.
Goes back to how my father is and his urgency for things that are stupid. And cruelty and bastard mean ways that he does . Scares me to terror. So angry that he caused me to have PTSD. Was a huge part in it. I am so angry right now. People acting mean who should not be trigger me to rage. When they should be nice, they are mean, don't care about others and use language and bully and shove others around.
I am disgusted by property management person attitude and landlord attitude. I am so angry, triggered I would like to ....who knows what.
Yes, it reminds me of my father. So yes, that is why I am triggered. I feel rage. I want to bully them so badly and treat them with utter disgust so they will be begging for mercy, so they will never again bully another or treat another with their disgusting attitude.
The landlord comes over and looks at a tree overgrown in the yard and then at me with disgust. Then I get a letter in the mail from the prop. lady so rude. Says you have ten days to weed yard, fix some bbq thing that was broken before I got there.
I had to pay for half an appliance, should not have. But landlord is married to a doctor who is probably an abusive ass to her. You treat your tenant with respect and kindness, not disgusting disrespect.
I have been here four years, kept place up, pay on time, and the landlord has been disgusting not wanting to pay anything to fix anything. I have so much rage.
I feel hate, so much I would like to do many things to disgusting human she is. She (prop manage ) is using language that triggers every bone in my body and it reminds me of the father. I have hated her since I moved in but developed a good relationship by being very nice to her in spite of her disgusting self. Only because I could tell how she is and she cares nothing about tenants and acts disgusting.
I am so angry I don't know what to do. I hate people who abuse their position. I feel like killing them. I am sure, common in traumatized people who were traumatized from such people.
I am disgusted. It all comes up over the holidays, over and over. Triggers, depression, people acting like that. I would love to get that disgusting lady fired for her disgusting attitude. You don't treat tenants like that. Or anyone. I get so angry at people who treat others the way my father does. Sends me into PTSD and rage.
Those people will get the same back. I need to stay calm and deal with these disgusting people. Why, why why, does the same scenario get played over and over, the same pattern in life?
And it is so difficult to break out of it? How? why? how? over and over, the same scenario gets played out, same one that traumatized me in the first place with my father...just different characters.
People are so unhappy and then hurt anyone they can that they feel they have power over. I am so so so triggered. But I know I have to keep my calm and deal with these disgusting people who are the landlord and prop lady who remind me of the disgusting father who I may talk about loving and forgiving at other times. But they are triggering my PTSD and hell.
What do I do? Scared and need to do so much and am scared again. I know what to do and am doing it but I am in rage at the way treated by certain people and am tired of fighting the same patterns over and over and over in my life.