Has anyone else found that secrecy and dishonesty as well as a refusal to be humble or open in very close relationships has created an environment filled with triggers that led them to fear betrayal (in any of its forms)? I fear betrayal as much as being abandoned. It hurts - so - much. I tell my partner all the time, it's the not knowing that seems to lead to real trouble - and he refuses to be open unless he's telling me something with shock value.
I'm at my wits end and I feel miserable. I've been agonizing over the same things for so long now. My partner and I fight about all sorts of things that, when it comes down to it, are fears that he or his three grown sons are betraying my trust and or my children's trust. I don't know how to get over it and I think I'm becoming more impulsive with the medication, so I just might destroy the fragile life I have. Meanwhile my partner makes it seem like it's all me, that it's a trauma issue, not him and that he's paying for what my ex did - betrayed my trust in our intimate experience and then later choose another woman over me. But then my ex thought he was paying for what my abusers did to me. It hit a nerve to hear that. Or do I just choose people that aren't good for me, people likely to deeply affect my triggers? My family would think so. (sigh...)
Is that common? Do we choose what feels safe simply because it's familiar including the traumatic familiarity? Are relationships bound to be problematic?