Just finished work where I was threatened with a knife a few days ago. One of my residents decided to put a knife upto my neck. At the time I dealt with it, I didn't care if I got hurt but at the same time I convinced myself she couldn't hurt me. Other staff kept going on that she could really have hurt me, I just laughed at their comments. I still work where my trauma/attacked occurred. I love my job but it is high risk for similar things to happen although what happened to me is the worse situation. I was told to write a report about what had happened so I did. I removed myself from what had happened and wrote briefly and as quickly as possible. I was shaking, numb and full of all mt ptsd symptoms. I missed out the important parts about what actually happened, I find it easier to pretend that things which trigger me have not happened. This morning my boss spoke to me about it. She threw all these questions at me about it, why didn't I do this or that, shout for help etc. I did do most of what she said but that isn't what I wrote and she said she doesn't need to be worrying about me with everything else she does. I know its because she cares but she's always quite harsh and angry when things do happen to me in work. I don't need this on top of everything else I'm dealing with. she doesn't understand and I know that's why she reacts the way she does, I also know that if there is one person who wants to understand me and my situation its her. I never know the words to tell her, I don't think there are any. Now I feel lm looking in at myself from the outside. I can't relax, breathe or calm myself. I can't think and I feel nothing. I haven't slept at all since it hapened on Monday night. I don't know what's going on and keep waiting for the next bad thing to happen to me. it always seems to be me all the violent/aggressive things happen to and even those I work with are saying this.
What happening to me? Im lost, extremely fearful and I'm not coping. can anyone help please.