Nightmares again. This one is even more terri... - Heal My PTSD

Heal My PTSD

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Nightmares again. This one is even more terrible

Real_Me profile image

I am having nightmares again. Was really tired and went to bed still stressed. I'm gonna now tell the nightmare. In the nightmare mom was saying "You're guilty that your dad left. You're guilty for the divorce. You made a lot of drama. You were always anxious and sick. It's your fault. He left and i have to do everything alone. Look at me, i'm cooking. We could still be a family. But he left and triggered more things happening". And she was repeating this all the time and i tried to leave, i was searching for a train to get me to university city but i missed the train because it was really sudden. I got back but she kept on being nervious that she has to do everything alone and that i ruined the marriage so i escaped to a village like her hometown and hid there. They were burrying her father and Grandma was upset (this happened like 4 years ago or so, i don't remember) i hid there but she started kidnapping and torturing people from the village because i was there. I was hiding, i was trying to lock everything but she was about to find me. I had to hid both from her and from the people. I left and ran in the forest. I really didn't know where to hide. I ran into the forest between this village and the next and tried to call a teacher for help and ask about sis. I had nothing with me. The call stopped because she was near and because i couldn't trust anybody. I headed towards the near village because i have nothing, i didn't have any luggage, even my clothes were torn from running, and i couldn't hide much in the forest, someone would have found me - her, her people or the tortured people. I got to the village where i have Coisins, i even dremt of some of my home city neighboirs there but they refuse help. Finally they took me to the orphange house - it was one big room with like a hundred beds on the floor with dirty, torn down sheets. Got me one bed and i started preparing it. I felt so anxious that i felt like i should be put in a hospital or something because my anxiety ruined it all and i had to be hospitalized much sooner. But they still kept me in the orphange. Had some flashes of home but it looked like some evil dukess was having princess daughers and was giving them these barbie plastic princess heels and so. Like these 90s plastic toys of princess shoes and plastic crowns and tea pots for a princess tea party that parents use to manipulate you - be good and i will buy you these plastic princess stuff, be a good princess. And i swear i was, i'm just sick both physically and mentally. I remember i also asked dad for help in the dream and he said "Your mom just can't take the fact that she has to cook. She wants everything done for her. Probably because of her own mental illness". I was hiding and dreaming of being chased and being helpless a bit more and then my alarm rang for class, it was 13:20 and the class was starting at 13:30. I cou even go to the bathroom or do anything. I looked around, i told myself i'm in my accomodation and im just stressed. I couldn't even wash my face. Good the teacher freed us and i came to write it out because the feeling of the dream is still creeping me out but the dream itself blurs. It had a really complex scenario. And was really horrifying. Now it's 14:30. I'm scared and i feel like everyone left me. I lost 2 important people these days. I'm scared and alone feeling helpless and doomed.

7 Replies

I am so sorry that you are having nightmares! Those are terrible, especially when we are suffering from PTSD. I feel for you, as I also have nightmares frequently.

What helps me is to not take naps during the day, and to do something like word puzzles, or read, or draw before bed. It helps me to fill my mind with something other than thoughts, and when I sleep, I don't have frequent nightmares. Though they do still happen sometimes.

It is ok to have nightmares, and it is perfectly normal. You deserve to be happy.

Thank you so much for the kind words and the advice! I really agree it's important to calm down before sleep and that ptsd really impact it.

Mostly Everynight, I Dream Of My Mother And A Lot Of The Dream’s Are Scary.

Real_Me profile image
Real_Me in reply to nkotbjoeymc

I'm sorry, i'm there too

nkotbjoeymc profile image
nkotbjoeymc in reply to Real_Me

Thank You.

Lindyloo53 profile image
Lindyloo53Volunteer

My therapist tells me the nightmares I have is my brains way of trying to process the horrors I lived through. Maybe this is what’s happening for you? It has helped me not get too stressed by them knowing it’s my brains way of trying to process things. It doesn’t make them less distressing at the time but I answer back to them ok you are trying to process something. I then bring it up in therapy and we use emdr just to process the nightmare and it becomes less distressing.

Real_Me profile image
Real_Me in reply to Lindyloo53

I have a lot of trauma to process and i can't process it. I agree with you and thanks for the i tend of letting me know cause knowledge makes it less scary. Sorry you're having them too tho

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