It is repost of my post from Anxiety and Depression Support.
Hello world once again.Recently I wrote a post containing a brief history of my life and (as it seemed to me), my illness. And I managed to miss the most important thing. Do not ask how.
My mother began helping stray animals about five to six years ago. At first I was glad. And then a stream of negative emotions hit me. Because of the animals that I could not save, because of the animals, it was impossible to keep track of the fates of. I saw the corpse of a shot dog with puppies all next to it, I constantly found out about new animal deaths. One of the dogs had a throat cut (someone had nothing to eat) and had to be euthanized. I was just surrounded by death and misery. Even now, I know too much that I would not want to not know because my mother is still doing this. I stopped when I realized HOW it hurts me.
I used to be very emotional. And these emotions are still in me, but they are buried under a pile of ash. Under the mechanism that began to vaporize them. I remember that I wanted to feel nothing three years ago. And now, the most acute emotions for me are fear, irritation and sadness.. I can still feel something but it almost nothing. I can feel almost no happiness or joy. Oh yes, and if this can help you understand what is happening to me, I have a certain mechanism. I can imagine the hand and the black hole in the middle of my chest, and when the hand goes into this hole, I stop feeling.
I need an advice. And, if possible, the interlocutor. Thanks to everyone who reads this.
How to restore a friendship 
Who do I talk to??
terrible time
Only feel ‘normal’ when I take clonazapam
nothing feels right
