I was let go today

[Destin2beMe]

thank you for listening to me in my first post. I have still been trying to deal with this aweful anxiety I get out of nowhere. I've called into work too many times and got fired yesterday. I oddly did not cry. I felt nothing. Today I am back to the anxiety. If I do not find a job I will be having to ask my husband to come back to live here. Which I wish did not fill me with dread. But it does. Our new house and new neighbors who do not know what he did three years ago. The police always here. His ranting and carrying on. It was aweful and it feels good to not have people that know about it. But bills got to get paid and he is willing to help. He wants us to be a family. He has been stable on his meds but now I'm the wreck. Anyways. I am searching for a job. I just don't know what I can do. I hope all of you are doing well today. Thank you

[Dolphin14 Moderator]

I'm very sorry you lost your job. You have so many things going on I'm not surprised you were out sick. It's very hard to hold down a job when anxiety takes over.

By the sounds of it this is a tough spot to be in. It's a big decision for you to make.

We are here to support you with whatever you decide to do

❤️🐬

[Destin2beMe in reply to Dolphin14]

Thank you. Crazy thing.. I am not having major anxiety. You would think I would..maybe my body is back in fight mode and natural adrenaline is taking over. I honestly think that is what's happening. I have slight anxiety but nothing like I have been having since everything seemed "over". Here is yet another life crisis and I'm just doing what I always do- fight through it. Maybe so much has been happening that I no longer know how to be okay when things are okay. Or maybe that is when the adrenaline or whatever it is wears off? It's a thing. Mothers moving cars off their kid situation. This is what's happened in the past 16 years-

Husband passed away

Met current husband a year later and honestly thought I found my happily every after.

He went off his meds and blew up our lives. I had to flee from him which put me and my then small kids homeless. We bounced from place to place for 8 months. Sadly my aunts marriage failed and she and I got an apartment together. David and I got back together about 8 months later- It was rocky at first-I had major surgery. Kidneys failed a day later and then took a very long time to recover. Finally got better and we moved to another state because that one with its casinos and bad memories just made worry all the time. Settled into new home and did okay.. but we started taking care of my nieces baby (who is now my son)- that was rocky once 2nd baby was born and CPS got involved. 2nd baby was born addicted to nicotine and placed with us. She had so much trouble. I worked full time and the stress on us was extreme. Especially since I worried about David's mental health. My father passed away suddenly- Covid hit a few months later. Lockdown was actually okay. We all pulled together- eventually CPS had my nieces parental rights removed because she did not try to get the kids back- we started the adoption process- the stress of having so many different agencies come to our home once a month was crazy. A search for the kid's biological fathers was stressful. Little boys was found and he was a decent guy. Apologized because he had not known about him. Paid the court order child support while everything made its way through the courts until he signed over his rights. Little boy was free to adopt. One sigh of relief. Tracked down little girls father. He was surprised and stated he wanted her. She was now 3. He lived over 1000 miles away. The court allowed him to visit while dna test was being done. When it was positive we were in a battle for custody. Which I won. I had all the agencies behind me stating they felt she should stay in her home. Father gave me hell. I got Covid and landed in the hospital- got out- my bff passed away a few weeks later from also covid. David went off his meds from the stress I assume and that was very hard. I locked him out of the apartment. Thankfully the apartment has a deadbolt that has no key access- he banged on that door a lot. A lot of police calls- it was so scary. - but eventually he left and never came back-A year later once all the agencies were no longer in our lives little one's father took me back to court. It was a hard tug of war and I saw little one so confused. She flew back and forth. Finally I decided to let her go. It hurt like hell- they had already been through so much and if he could give her a stable home with a family who loved her as much as we did- than I wanted that for her . That was a year and a half ago. Typing all that out and realizing how crazy life has been for so long makes me realize how strong I can be. In between all that bad there was good. We traveled to the Grand Conyon and took a cruise, spent a week in a cabins in Tennessee and Colorado. Went to the beach. We did a lot of happy things too. Just jumped he hurdles as they came. I needed to give the kids as much happiness and good memories as I could. Which I did do. So I know I am going to be okay still. Just on to the next thing. Typing this out made me have major anxiety but I think it's because I've never really faced it. Just kept going to the next moment. Hopefully we can all heal and be okay. Process all the bad . Thanks for listening

[Dolphin14 Moderator in reply to Destin2beMe]

It's amazing how much strength people can find when they have to. There is something within us that keeps pushing us through all these life battles.

I'm sorry your anxiety went up while writing. When you mentioned that it reminded me of the intake process in therapy, laying it all out there was very overwhelming for me.

You have made it through so much. You certainly are a fighter. Your children are very lucky to have you for a mom

Thank you for sharing your story. We are all here to support you