New Year ... New Me?

[SootyB]

I've been off air for a while (and all of your eyes were no doubt grateful), due to a very busy time at work, and hectic homelife, but I thought I should pop back and say 'hello' to my fibrofriends!

It's been an odd one, really. I sat down with my boss before Christmas, and admitted that I was flailing about in my own poo, workwise, and wasn't quite sure how to get back on top of things. In fairness to the woman, she helped me prioritise stuff, worked out with me how long some of my tasks should take, and listed them so that I could work off the list. Of course, I have another couple of pages added to that list now, but it's a help. My nerves are still frayed and I'm snapping and screaming at my Mum and my OH, but I really don't know what I can do about that. Maybe it's time for a medication change?

The MILFO got on my pip again at Christmas. I think I mentioned that she was staying with my OH, due to a cock-up she made when inviting herself to my OH's brother's house, 2 days before she could be accommodated. Well, she turned up, just as I'd sat down in a coffee shop, gasping for a drink and with aching legs, called my OH, and he immediately left the queue so that we could go and get her from the bus station! Needless to say, I was less than chuffed that my bum had barely settled in the seat before it was dragged away. He had a flea in his ear, and - bless him - did apologise for not considering that I might need a rest. We arrived at the bus station, and she didn't even say hello to me, which meant that I felt even frostier towards her than usual! This must've shown, as she mentioned it later (my OH told her off for treating me so coldly when he was dropping her back at the station after Christmas, and she said that I seemed 'p*ssed off' when we met her), but frankly, I'm getting tired of putting on a show, when she can't be bothered to! She also managed to get on everyone else's nerves on Christmas Eve (I wasn't there for these shenanigans, as I had the excuse of having to work), when she made the decision to arrive at her other son's house at 10am, although he had specifically asked her to make it after lunch, when his 12-hour nightshift hadn't finished until 8am! Her final acts of annoyance, I also didn't witness, as I didn't go back to his after Christmas, choosing to spend the time with my own Mum, until he returned for New Year. Apparently, she was shocked that I 'would rather spend time with my own Mum than with her' ... Even before her recent odd behaviour, that would have been true! She also was supposed to be going to my OH's on 27th December, with the plan being that he would let them know when he was leaving mine, and they would arrive there at approximately the same time. We overslept a bit, so he didn't leave mine until 1.30pm, and they called him just as he pulled off my drive. He didn't answer, so didn't know that they had decided it was 'too late to bother now' until about 4pm, when they'd finished napping and finally called him again! So he spent the rest of the 27th alone, when he could have been with me, and should've been with them! He was furious, and gave them hell, which I fully supported. They still made out like he was the one with the problem, and they were perfectly reasonable, though. That drives me mad - he's always been made to feel like he's in the wrong for objecting to anything, so it's only now that he has me to back him up that he has the balls to fight back. And I wonder why she doesn't like me ...

Anyway, Christmas and New Year went pretty well - a mini row on the 27th, due to him family constantly phoning him to find out when he was leaving mine, but that was soon sorted. Pain levels were moderate, but controlled pretty well with co-codamol, ate too much, tried to dance on New Year's Eve, in the living room to the Hootenanny (and accidentally smacked my OH in the ging gang goolies! What a start to 2013!) ... all in all, pretty good!

My final annoyance, and one I have to share with you all (knowing it will annoy you, too), was my OH's brother. OH was saying that I was suffering quite a bit at the moment, pain-wise, and his brother (an anaesthetist) said 'Because of the "fibromyalgia"?' Yes, he used f***ing air-quotes! Luckily, I wasn't there at the time, or he'd have been seeing the New Year in with all 4 limbs in plaster, but my OH (lovely, lovely man that he is) fought my case for me. Apparently, 'you get used to doing it in hospital, so it's hard to break the habit' - I don't think I've ever heard such a diabolical excuse for mocking someone's illness in my life! Everyone else does it, so I join in. My OH still doesn't think he got through to him, but he tried, and I love him for that. He also said it's 'all emotional and linked to depression, that's why we have antidepressants as treatment' - it appears that his pharmacology knowledge doesn't stretch to the use of amitriptyline for many causes of nerve-pain, including diabetic neuropathy, and that 'nerves' doesn't mean 'anxiety', it means the actual physical parts of the human body! Various things that he's said make me seriously wonder at the quality of care he gives his patients, but this is definitely the clincher. I'm currently plotting how best to use air-quotes next time I'm forced to see him, just so he knows that I know.

So, it's now the new year - I'm supposed to be getting myself more organised, and getting myself in shape (not round - that is a shape, but probably not the one I should be, even though I am). Any ideas for sticking to these?

[Teddysmum43]

Hi sooty nice to see you back and ty for your message on my blog. The only thing that helps me stick to my eating plan is going to slimming world I'm afraid,there's something about paying each week and knowing you are going to get weighed that makes me stick to it. No one humiliates you,no one knows your weight. I must admit I did have a break from it,I stopped in August as I really didn't like the group I was at,very clicky so I'm trying a new group. I can understand how hard it can be to go but it's the only thing that stops me overeating which I can do brilliantly lol. I do admire you for being able to work but I can also units and how hard it must be and how getting overwhelmed with it all is very easy. As for the people who don't get this illness especially an anaenestist (spelling) how bad is that? Good grief no wonder you wanted to knock him out. Do you know I have never come up against a non believer since having fibro,I must be one of the lucky ones. If they could live in our shoes for a while would all be different. Anyway I wish you luck with your endeavours on getting more organised,I think keeping a regular blog on your progress on here might help if you have time just to see how well you are doing.xx

[SootyB in reply to Teddysmum43]

Well, I'm giving the 'list' thing a try, and attempting (albeit with occasional hiccups) to stick to eating sensibly. Good luck with your eating plan, too, and with the course.

I've fared pretty well with my family, and reasonably at work, so I suppose one idiot is acceptable, in the grand scheme of things! xx

[Hidden]

Hi SootyB

Glad you are back on the airwaves

Really sorry you had such a rotten time with the in-laws. I didn't get on with my MIL for years. Like yours, I think she thought she could do what she wanted and when she wanted and expected everyone to drop everything for her. Strangely enough she has two sons too. My boys was her fav quote.

I am sure you could put most things into air quotes to p*** BIL off he probably gets it from his mum.

I have to say I think lists are the way forward. Try and write a realistic list each evening for the following day and tick each one off as you do it. I know, I know, easier said than done but its a start Good luck.

Piggy Hugs xxxxxxxx

[SootyB in reply to Hidden]

She likes the phrase 'my boys', too. And 'just the three of us' features fairly frequently, too! The BIL takes after his Mum (my OH is far more like his Dad), so you're probably right!

I may need a list of lists and a reminder set to fill in the items on the list, but I'll give it a go!

Hugs xx

[Hidden]

Hello there Sooty, great to have you back with us! It's amazing how many people just tolerate their in-laws, we are truly blessed if we get on with them, we don't choose them after all. Sounds like you did a really job surviving Christmas and the New Year, so well done on that alone!

Christmas and New Year can be a tough time tolerating some relatives, I have had my share of that in the past. All we can do is to take a deep breath and thank our lucky stars that we don't live with them I suppose.

I have to agree with the lists idea too, it's the only way my house functions, lists coming off lists and then a list to remind me to look at the list lol!

Wishing you all the best for 2013, we will all share it with you Sooty, we have almost made it through January, so that's a victory in itself!

Take care Sooty! (((hug))) xxx

Libs

[SootyB in reply to Hidden]

I actually used to get on with them when his Dad was alive; I don't think anyone quite realised how much of a stabilising influence he was, despite combatting severe clinical depression for many years. I try to think kindly, and to put some of both of their funny ways down to the fact that neither of them were there for his Dad when he was very ill, and I know it must be biting them now, because they can never get that time back. With a bit of luck, in time, I'll stop being so irritated by them!

Hugs xx

[mistymeana]

Hi Sooty, it's a shame our loved ones often come in a package with sub-standard family members. Had a "fun" day myself (please note correct use of inverted commas!). Decided to invite my daughter's prospective MIL as she was widowed in 2011 and spent that Christmas Day mostly alone as her other son and his family kicked her out straight after lunch. Being a bit of a softie I couldn't bear the thought of that happening again so said she could join us. Soon found out why! She totally monopolised the conversation talking almost exclusively to my daughter and her boyfriend about people and places only they knew. Insisted on them running and getting the laptop and showing her photos of their recent holiday to the exclusion of me, who hadn't seen them yet, despite the fact they were going to her house the following day. My ex came for lunch as well as his lovely mother died in August and he barely got acknowledged. She made no attempt at all to talk to him even though it was the first time they'd met. I tend to tune her out as once her mouth opens it doesn't shut but ex noticed she was very negative when the kids were telling her about work plans etc, putting down every idea they had. Couldn't wait for her to go home. Have told daughter she can't be invited to family meals in the future and as for her idea that we all go away on holiday together ....... how do you type the noise a scream makes?

Hope you can avoid your in-laws for a nice long relaxing time x

[SootyB in reply to mistymeana]

Oh, dear, Misty, she sounds worse than my MILFO! You were incredibly kind in the first place, but your daughter is going to have her hands full with that one! I certainly don't blame you for saying she can't come to family meals in future - I can vouch for the fact that there's only so long you can hold your tongue, before you say something that will make everyone uncomfortable. Just make sure your daughter and her OH don't get dragged down by her negativity - my MILFO keeps trying to put us off house-buying for various reasons, but we're not standing for it - we can't live 40 miles apart forever!

Keep smiling! xx

[irisjoy]

hi

how about running away next christmas and not telling anyone ! oh so tempting eh ?

i can't stand ignorant people and the way you have been treated is the hieght of rudeness

what a great person your OH is , so totally supportive , i can not understand these women that expect to be number 1 all thier kids lives even when they have families

I have a Sister in Law who used to be a nurse , well a less caring person i have never met, yes i realise its a coping mechanism when working but she quit nursing a long time ago

However she has no empathy towards my darling Mum , in fact she hasn't got a clue

re your shape , if tyou stretch yor arms and legs out it makes a nice star ha ha , sorry i couldn't resist it.

Best of luck with organising things xx J

[SootyB in reply to irisjoy]

Oh, it's tempting, Joy, it really is! My OH is a true angel, and does stand up for me, which means a lot. I don't think his Mum has really accepted that she now has sons in their 30s, and that means that they have lives and responsibilities that don't always include her. I think it saddens my Mum that we're not as close as we used to be, and that upsets me a bit, but she understands that things change as kids get older, and we're both making the most of things, and she never expects to be my only priority.

BIL and his girlfriend are both doctors, and they do seem really cold. It's odd for me, as I work in healthcare, and I always try to be compassionate and empathetic, whereas they never ask how anyone is, even if they know they've been unwell - it's like they've built something up for work and don't know how to take it down at home.

Star ... hmmm ... now that's an idea, Joy! I'll see if I can get myself a pointy hat, just to top it off (excuse pun)!

Hope your MIL isn't suffering too much xx

[irisjoy]

Right girls we need to plan next xmas now

Tenerife is lovely so we need to start saving , you have to be a fibro sufferer and on this site

i think we may need to take over a plane for the trip and maybe a hotel

No phonecalls will be taken from inlaws our OHs can deal with them

Maybe we can arrange a coach to pick up in regional areas

We will go all inclusive and get a great deal as so many on escape mission

I think 3 - 4 weeks willl do it

So please work on rearranging hospital appts and make sure meds are sorted

If anyone has any ideas either of another destination or other ideas i will accept them gladly

Me a dreamer ? really , oh ok ha ha ha ha xxxx