Great start the new year..... Not really!!!

Hi everyone how's things going for you in the beginning of this new year? Hope it's better than mine....

So far since xmas I have only had one "good" day and blew it doing too much cause of being over enthusiastic and ending up doing too much in one day, so now I am paying the price of it, I've spent 2 days in bed in excruciating pain so I phoned my GP to find out what are we going to do about the pain management situation cause they don't want to see me because they say my case is too complex for them (it's now confirmed that's the reason they don't want to see me and said I should go to Paliative care instead). So I suggested should I go to A&E, she said don't bother because pain management would be there and just turn me around and send me home, plus my aunts partner (who has ESA and PIP on a bogus illness) has already said that it's not right to make my aunt have to take me there or have the stress of me being in hospital if I call an ambulance, and the last thing I need is more problems at "home" because of his selfishness because he wants my aunt only to be running around after her.

As it is he made a comment the other day about "when do I plan on giving them their house back" when first it's not his house as he hasnt put money into it and doesn't help with the bills cause he's a Amazon addict and spends his ESA and PIP on it buying crap instead of helping pay house bills (i have been paying all food bills for over 4 months and I don't hardly even eat!!! ) and my aunt even though I have spoken to her and she agrees with me when we are in the car going somewhere, when we get home she is back on his side and only believes what he says.

So I have put in to housing but of course I have my cats and I am single so it's going to be difficult, but because I am so ill, hopefully i would get something quickly, especially as on the 12th I have an appointment with mental health and have decided to tell them everything that's going on at the house and that I am going downhill ever since he's been harassing me and being abusive towards me, causing more Anxiety, Depression and other problems, that I am spending all day in bed so I don't see him or he see's me during the day so things don't escalate anymore than they already have, as now he has turned off the heating to my room from haveing it on from 7 am to 1 am, to haveing it from 7am till 9am and then at 6pm till 11pm, I have told my aunt about it and she says ha wouldn't do such a thing and it must be in my head... so I guess I'm finally going crazy 😜

I have told my GP all of this and she has said she will try to speed up going to Paliative care and that hopefully they will be able to help me somehow and that going to see a psiciatrist (sorry my spellings not so good, "mental health dr" ) so with seeing them and getting them on board as well I might be lucky and find somewhere to live with my cats a bit faster, cause without my cats I would sleep in the garden shed before I gave them up as they help me more than people realise.

So they guess I will have to wait and see next week mental health what they say and what housing says when they get my file looked at...

Anyway sorry for such a depressing post as I am new here in England, even though I was born here but been in Spain since I was 10 and come back 4 months ago, so no friends and my only family is my aunt (and that's backfired, and she was the one that convinced me to come and live here in the first place saying that whatever it took there would be no problems.) so hopefully my next post will be a bit more positive as hopefully something will have got sorted out !!

Thanks guys and gals for reading my thoughts today!! Have a good one.

Gentle hugs Mandan

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  • Hi, You are in a very tricky situation, which also puts your aunt in the same place.

    She is trying to smooth things over but obviously senses the animosity between her partner and you.

    Although you don't understand the reasons, she wants her partner around and that is her choice. Perhaps he sees you as a threat, perhaps thinking he may eventually be on the receiving end of any inheritance if you were not around to influence your aunt.

    Would it be possible for your GP to arrange a meeting with a Social Worker? Any help from whatever source can only enhance your application for housing.

    I know you have written how much you feel for your cats, you don't say how many you have but you might have to make a difficult decision to only keep one cat. Most housing association flats allow only one pet, if at all. You need to keep this in mind, hard as it is to let any of your precious cats go.

    I hope there is a speedy answer to your dilemmas.

    Take care

    x

  • Hi bluebell99.

    Thanks for taking the time to read my post and to answering.

    My aunt has a son and a daughter, my cousins, because of my aunts partner, they have no contact with my aunt and they both have children themselves (my aunts grandchildren) which she only sees two or three times a year and only if my aunts partner is not in the house or if she goes to either London or Bristol to see them (Bristol 4 hours drive and London 4 hours train/car) it's all to do with past things that happend that i am learning as time goes by because when my parents died i didn't have any contact since 2003 until 8 months ago when my cousin found me on Facebook and we got reunited.

    So I made a trip over in July to see my aunt and she saw how ill I am and convinced me that it would be better if I came here so I was near some family as she and my cousins are the only family I have left, her partner at the time was very objective about it all at the very moment he learned that my aunt wanted me back in the UK so I was close enough for her to help me as I was struggling with my illnesses in Spain by myself, but as it is her house and her partner has never put anything into the house, she said she didn't care what her partner thought about it all because I am family and it's her house to do what she whants to do (so as you can imagine that didn't hi down very well with her partner even before I moved over from Spain).

    Anyway I moved over towards the end of august and her partner started to make rude remarks and but in on conversations, slamming doors, etc knowing that by doing that it would make it hard for me to be in peace and feel comfortable and concentrate on trying to get well. When we started to get reviews for seeing different specialists and going to the hospitals he started complaining that she spent more time with me than with him and whenever I left my room he would make sure everyone knew he was in a bad mood (I have always paid fuel and the food for the house so I feel like I am contributing and I help around the house as much as I can) but still that is not enough for him (even at xmas I bought presents for both of them and he didn't even say thank you let alone get me something). I have spoken to my cousins and they both say that he has pushed them away from my aunt and that he just wants her for himself and that he wants to be the center of attention all the time and that he has always been a very selfish person( which I have now discovered after being here for just over 4 months) I have asked my aunt why she puts up with him and basically she is afraid to be alone as she is 65 and he is 58.

    Anyway enough of that part, I am going to see mental health next week and then ask for an appointment with my GP and ask to see a social worker to try and help a bit with the housing situation as she knows what's going on and she knows what my aunts partner is all about as she has seen him various times at the health center. So she said to me yesterday by phone that she will help me as much as she can (she has gone out of her way to help me with my meds and getting referrals etc, so she is great actually).

    About my cats, I have 2 cats, one is six years old, I found him when he was a kitten in the street in Spain nearly dead and nursed him back to health and he nearly died again last xmas, luckily he pulled through ok and is still going on strong and he knows when I am ill as he stays with me all day on me or near me on the bed cuddled up as tight as he can and when i come back from the doctors or shopping he jumps up for a really big cuddle, he is so great full that I saved him he shows me it everyday!!!

    My other cat he is my other cats daughters son with Angora for a father, he is very fluffy and even though he is two years old he is like a kitten in a adult size cat, he doesn't let anyone pet him other than me and he is like a dog, he follows me all over the house.

    So they are both very special and to be honest if it wasn't for them I wouldn't be here a long time ago as they are the reason I keep fighting all my illnesses as I have nothing else to look foward to because I will never get my health back nor will I ever go back to work and that is difficult for a person who has always been a workaholic and has hipoactivity, so it becomes frustrating for me and they help me with my anxiety attacks, lonlyness, difficulties meeting people, panic attacks and depression, etc

    That's why it's so important I find somewhere I can have both as they are indoor cats, they use their scratching posts, sandbox (I am teaching them to use the toilet so I can get rid of the box and smell) they get their claws trimmed every 10 days and are very well behaved cats who have been with me when humans have only used my illnesses or what they have learnt about me by being false friends, against me to cause me grief..

    so now you know a bit more about me and what's going on, sorry it's been a very long reply, but now you can understand a bit more of the why and the who of what I write.

    Have a great afternoon, take care

    xx

  • Hi Mandandm

    I am so genuinely sorry to read this and my heart truly goes out to you for the situation that you find yourself in my friend. I want to sincerely wish you all the best of luck with the palliative care and with your application for housing. Please take care of yourself.

    All my hopes and dreams for you

    Ken

  • Hi Ken good morning.

    Thankyou very much for your words and for being so genuinely sincere with what you say, little things like that go a long way for me at the moment.

    I too hope that Paliative care are going to be able to help me with my situation with this unbearable pain as it's not letting me live a fraction of what I used to, to the point that some days I wish they hadn't found my cancer on time and I wouldn't be going through all of this.

    If someone said to me at the time, oh by the way you are going to be used as a guiney pig with medication cause we don't know what we can give you or how we can ease the simptons or even if we cure you and have a normal life afterwords.

    I would have said to them not to do anything, and I would have gone and had a good time for about 6 months and that would have been that because who in there right mind whants to go through this for the rest of their life?

    But obviously I chose to fight to get through it all because they said I would feel better and that I would have no problems at all especially pain, only to find out that I would end up worse than before and with more health problematic and not be able to work or be my former self.

    Anyway what's done is done and now I have to see what else can be sorted out to help me with, pain, fibro, housing, etc maybe as soon as I get away from this house and situation I will start to feel more positive but that's impossible at the moment.

    So hopefully this year will be better than the last 10 years and finally get some rest from the pain and a nice place I can call home.

    Have a great day Ken and take care my friend and thanks for reading my stuff!!

    Hugs xx

  • Good luck my friend x

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