Decided not to celebrate the new year as Santa didn't get me a new spine and I have been good all year lol! But on a more serious note, why should I celebrate another year of pain and fatigue. Knocking back all these medications and they don't do a thing for the pain. Well the amitriptyline does stop the restless leg syndrome and after taking myself off of my meds I realised that it also reduces my joint pain, not much but a little. I used to have a great sense of humour but now I find myself constantly moaning about my health. The thought of having to live in so much pain for another year sends me into depression and I have not turned 50 yet. I went to see my pain management specialist days before Christmas only to be told that I can't have my two bulging discs removed because statistics show more failures. My response to this (and no offence to anyone) was I don't mind if it fails and I can't walk because I will be paralysed, at least I won't be in so much pain. She looked at me in total disgust, but she doesn't have to live with it. She was cold hearted and I spent the next hour sobbing in another doctors office after my doctor sent me packing. What get's to me is peoples ignorance. Just because I look fit does not mean I shouldn't have a disabled badge and walk on crutches or my electric scooter. And believe me I have had many remarks made to me. I feel so angry that my 13 year old son is expected to take care of me. We live in a remote village with no public transport. He gets no rewards for what he does for me and is such a little gentleman. I have been told that if they put me on opium based pain killers (not morphine as I am allergic) but other's, no idea what that means but I will not be legally allowed to drive. WOW this just gets better, I live in the middle of nowhere. I asked to stop taking the high doses of tramadol as they were not helping with the pain, I have now been put on 1 x 300mg of Gabapentin at night. This does absolutely jack squat. Most nights I lay there for hours waiting for the new pill to work and NOTHING.
Sorry for my long message but I feel so alone, my family live 2 miles from me and never visit. Hope you all had a great Christmas and have a pain free new year. Maria x