Very sad day for me 😒😒

No Mother's Day card no message just nothing. My son and I there very close all of his life. Then he married and his wife from the first time she met me she would always give snide remarks and eventually I couldn't take it any more and snapped back at her. She has to be the most unkindest person I have ever met in my life. I don't think she could cope with how close my son and I where. I miss him very much and my only grandson. I just do not know what to do. I have been there for them all right from the very beginning. But she always came in with nasty remarks and One day she told my son a bare face Lie and I know about it and my son doesn't but one day I will tell him. Then one day I snapback because I have had enough I was the best thing when I was giving her things but that never lasted long every time when she came on facetime with my son she would always ask for something to be paid for, they live abroad so that is why we always spoke on FaceTime. I only have one son and one grandson and I have only seen my grandson for the first 18 months and he is now 2 1/2. So had some tears today because my son would always spoil me on Mother's Day. It's a very sad world when you don't know what could come in and upset you very close family.HAPPY MOTHERS DAY to all the mums out there. I wishes all as well if you can day and take good care of yourselfs. 😒😒😒xxxx

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  • I am so sorry.

  • Hi Kitten-kat23

    Thank you so much. I hope you are keeping as well as you can be. πŸ€—πŸ€—xx Jan

  • I am ok thank you.

  • I found my daughter in law had same effect on my son. Jealousy is an ugly trait. She couldn't cope with my son being so close to me. She has caused lots of issues. Hubby told son a few home truths a few weeks ago. Think son has thought it over and we now being involved in things. I hardly know anything about their 2 children and they live quite close. My daughter lives 240 mile away and facetimes daily and tells me everything the children do. You could do with an honest chat with your son without her present. Give him time to go away and digest your concerns and hopefully things will improve. ((Gentle hugs)) xx

  • Hi suemcc

    This sounds really awful and for him to live so close by. I fully understand what you are saying and I know how it feels. I have the daughter in law from hell she is really nasty then when she is confronted she tries to be the nice one and puts on a very sad face. If you know what I mean. They all live abroad so there is no chance of bumping into one another. I thought about writing but I think she would get the letter first and not sure if she would give it to him. She really not a nice person. But I know as I am writing this you will fully understand what I am going through. Well I will keep my fingers crossed that he will contact me one day. God willing. I hope that you are as well as you can be. πŸ€—πŸ€—πŸ€—xxx Jan

  • This is awful, have you tried writing to him, just a light hearted letter to break the ice xxx

  • Hi Lue1062

    No because I think she would get the letter and not give it to him. She really is not a nice person. I feel I have the daughter in law from hell. I only have one son and I was hoping for a lovely girl that would get on with everyone but anyone she meets none of them like her. So I stopped thinking that it was just me. I really hope that my son will come to realise one day. I truly hope that you are as well as you can be. Take good care of yourself. πŸ€—πŸ€—πŸ€—xxx Jan

  • What a sad situation and it is particularly heart wrenching on days like today. You are still a mum and you can be proud you raised your son.

    Some daughters in law can be odd beasts and want to "own" their husbands and control who they are allowed to see.

    Your son is in a difficult spot. At the moment his wife is the mother of his child and naturally he wants to continue with that, so he is stuck in the middle.

    Hopefully with time he will be able to be more assertive with her and regain contact.

    He will know it is Mothers Day so you can rest assured he will have thought of you even if he hasn't rung.

    Xx

  • Hi bluebell99

    I really hope that he has. It breaks your heart when he is your only child and we where so close. All my family can't believe that this is happening to me. I really hope that he releases one day and makes contact. I can't because of her and she has my sons ear. After the first few days of meeting her she said to me no matter what happens between herself and me she would never stop me seeing my grandson. I was absolutely gob smaked and I said I I really hope not. I thought at the time what a strange thing to say. But time has taught me that I really do not like her and she is a very jealous person. But I was prepared to put up with her for my son and grandson. I have to just go along with it for now. Thank you for replying and I hope that you are feeling as well as you can be. πŸ€—πŸ€—πŸ€—xxx Jan

  • That is so sad for you and I feel sorry for your daughter in law as she is missing out on what could be a very special realationship with you.

    I do so hope your son can make things right and you can all get on together cause I'm sure that's all you want too.

    Hope today's sunny weather will cheer you up a bit. Please look after yourself xx

  • Hi Silverlady5

    Thank you silverlady5 that is very kind of you to say but I think it has gone to far with me to even trust her again as I have tried so many times and she keeps throwing it back in my face. She really is a nasty person. My family says I should of never been so kind to her but I did all these things for my son and grandson. What else could I do as a mum with an only son. Maybe one day my son will come to realise. I truly wish you as well as you can be and take good care of yourself.πŸ€—πŸ€—πŸ€—xxx Jan

  • I'm so sorry hear this xx

  • Thank you achydunlin. I hope that you are feeling as well as you can be. xxx Jan

  • I have to say my mother in law and I didn't really see eye to eye - she didn't "approve" of me but I never ever came between her and her son and I was actually often the one who made my hubby go and see her. Both her and my hubby are dead now and I miss them both dreadfully. Her birthday always fell around mothers day and we always visited her (she lived 200 miles from us but we visited her every fortnight) and took her out for a meal. I think it's so sad when families argue and then have no contact. Life is too short and before you know it they're gone and you can't get those years back. Sending you hugs xxx

  • Hi achydunlin

    That is really sad that you lost your hubby and mother in law. I really agree with you that life is to short. When all this happened I was very ill and so was my son. He knew I was going into hospital and my partner phoned my son and told him that he should contact me and send his best wishes and my partner said that he was very blunt and all he did was send me a text message and just said ( good luck with your operation ) I replied that that meant a lot to me and I love you all. No reply. I broke my heart the day I was going into hospital. Because at first I had thought he had done it off his own back. But my partner said no that he had asked him. Sometimes I now feel I have lost my son because he has married and no longer needs me. I truly hope that you are swell as you can be. xxxxxJan

  • Hi

    I am so sorry you are having such a rotten day.

    Your daughter in law does sound incredibly unkind to say the least.

    Are you able to speak to your son on the phone? Or could you write him an email?

    Have you spoken to your daughter about the situation to see if she has got any ideas about what you could do?

    I genuinely hope that things get better for you.

    Thinking of you.

    Lu xx

  • Hi bluemermaid3 Thank you so much for your reply. My son is not pleased with me because I had had enough and told her so. It's really been a terrible time for me since he married her. This is what she wanted was to split me and my son up and he can't see it. He has taken her side and I can understand that. I brought them everything from when they met. My son move abroad to be with her and gave up his job and everything. I brought him a house and car and totally furnished the house and he walked away from all of that. Once he was over there I still helped him financially. Then it got to the point that every time they FaceTime me she would also say that this and that needed to be paid. Even when my grandson was born I brought every single thing for him right down to the cotton buds. When I say everything I mean everything. O by the way I don't have a daughter. I only have 1son. I truly hope that you are feeling as well as you can be. Jan πŸ€—πŸ€—πŸ€—xxx

  • Apologies for the late reply. Please do call me Lu.

    My son had an awful girlfriend for a year. She was incredibly rude to me all the time but my son sided with her everytime.

    Thank goodness they've finished now.

    I can't bear the thought of my son being with someone I don't get on with.

    You've been incredibly generous to them to say the very least.

    I hope your son appreciates everything you've done for them.

    I can completely understand why you feel so sad.

    I hope they start to appreciate you and what you've done for them.

    Perhaps if you stop paying for things for them they will see just how much you're doing for them.

    Be kind to yourself my friend.

    Gentle hug. Lu xx

  • Morning luv it can be horrible when you don't get on with their partners. I am happy to hear that you don't have to put up with her anymore. Did your son say anything to you when they broke up or you to him? I don't even hear from them any more they live abroad and I don't get to see how my grandson is coming along. It's coming up to Easter so I will put some money into my sons account to get my grandson something. I did the same at Christmas and did not even get a picture off what they had brought for my little grandson. 😒 I truly hope that you are feeling as well as you can be. Take good care of yourself Lu. Jan πŸ€—πŸ€—πŸ€—xxx

  • I'm so sorry. I can only imagine what it must be like to be shunned by your family. Especially not seeing your grandson Thank you for thinking of other mums. It's very kind of you. I hope you're feeling a little better

  • Hi there,

    It made me sad to read your post, and that it is your only child makes it worse.

    I'm not making excuses for your son, but did you know that the U.K. Holds Mother's Day in March, whilst most other countries hold theirs in May. I know this as I've lived overseas, and my daughters live in Australia and South Africa. My daughters have often only managed to remember at the last minute as there are no reminders in the shops or anywhere else, ......just a thought.

    Since you and your son were close until he married, he will know that not involving you in his, and your Grandchilds life is wrong. At the moment it is easier to keep the peace at home by pleasing his wife. However, there will come a day when he will realise what he is doing to his Mother by cutting her off, and what he could be enjoying with his child/children by having a loving Mum, and Grandma in their lives.

    Take care, and look after yourself.

    GP. πŸ’™πŸ’š

  • Hi Greenpeace

    Thank you for your reply. I fully understand what you are saying but he never forgot last year and also her mum lives out there and her sister and I know they would not forget about her mum. If her mum never lived there then that might of been the case. I have tried so hard with her but she really is a very un kind person. The more I gave to her the more she wanted. As my son never married until he was 38 I always wanted a lovely girl for him and one that would get on with us as we all are very kind people. But I guess I really got the short straw. I trully hope that you are feeling as well as you can be. Take good care of yourself. Jan xxxxx

  • Hi Jan101 so sorry your going through this. You never think that something could come between you.

    Please try not to upset yourself and keep your chin up.

    Take care

    Angie xx

  • Hi Angie Thank you for your reply. I trully hope that your feeling as well as you can be. Jan xxxxx

  • I feel so sad for you, my Mum went through the same thing all down to jealousy of their relationship, I think it's all down to lack of self esteem. if my Mum gave my brother a compliment she would laugh and make fun of him and make him feel small, then she have a good spell and visit then we wouldn't see her for months, no one knew what was wrong but something had upset her so she'd keep away, she also kept the children away, but when they grew older they came to visit my Mum, so don't give up on your Grandson, do keep n touch with hm if you can so that when he grows up he'll know that you cared for him, I've lost count of the times I've had my Mum in tears over something that had happened, Mum. In Laws get the bad press most of the time but I've seen the other side, and you can. Get some horrible DIL believe me, try not to upset yourself she's not worth it, Happy Mother's Day to you, take care

  • Hi Mydexter Thank you for your reply. I fully understand how your mum must have felt. Its absolutely horrible when someone comes into your family and upset it. I have seen her with other people when they came over and I never once heard anyone say what a nice girl. When my son came with her one christmas all my son's friends said that they all had made arrangements, so I think that says a lot. I do send money every holiday birthday and christmas for my grandson so at least I know he will get something. I use to send parcels but a lot of them they never got so that is why I never miss sending something for my grandson. I truly hope that one day my son will see sense. I turly hope that you are feeling as well as you can be.xxxxxxJan

  • Hi Jan101

    I'm so sorry to read this

    πŸ€—πŸ€—πŸ€—πŸ€—πŸŒ·πŸŒ·πŸŒ·πŸŒ·πŸŒ·πŸŒ·

    Love bam xxx

  • Hi bam thank you so much that is really sweet. I truly hope that you are feeling as well as you can be. Jan xxxxx

  • Jan101 could you facetime him when she is not around and chat then? Since my hubby spoke to him he has sent me texts telling me what the children have been up to and when we visited she sat there 'show grandma this, show grandma that' with a smile that I could of slapped off her face. But I won't let her reduce me to that, I am the better person. He has actually contacted his sister and chatted for an hour, then she got our grandson to facetime my daughter. Lets see how long this new concept of involving family lasts. Take care Jan and I do hope there is a way you can get to speak with your son and open the communication line. Take care x

  • Hi Suemcc I am at the point that I really don't know that he would want to speak to me because at the beginning I text him and said if I was not good enough then neither was my money. The reason for that was he went into hospital and need a few thousand to pay the bill and it was at that time she was very rude and lied and I told her that I had had enough of her and I know the timing was wrong but as I was very ill to I really could not take any of her bull anymore. I am just hoping that he will come round one day my son can be very stubborn. I will just keep my fingers crossed. You take good care of yourself. Jan xxxxx

  • Hi Jan101 ,I'm so very sorry to read your post as this seems so very unfair to you....your his Mum.It sounds to me that his wife has some major insecurities not sure what but she has them!! Please don't be so hard on yourself because I don't think she's worth it,and she will always try and make you look like the bad guy.She may be somewhat of a narcissist which means she may have some "head issues" as well.Your son knows you love him.Take care hun.Peck 🐀

  • ((Hugs)) x hope he grows up one day and does the right thing by you xx

  • Hi suemcc I really hope so too. Only time will tell. Take good care of yourself. πŸ€—πŸ€—xx

  • HI Peck Thank you for your reply I totally agree with you. You have hit the nail on the head. She really does have issues. Her main topic that she speaks about is the dead and the after life other than that I would say that she cannot hold a decent conversation. When people meet her they never say isn't she nice and I find that very strange. Her own sister said to me you all must be nice people because you have a really lovely son. She definitely is a narcissist. Thank you once again you really did hit the nail on the head. I truly hope that you are feeling swell as you can be. Jan xxxxxxx

  • Hi Jan101

    My heart truly goes out to you my friend, and I cannot begin to imagine what this must be like for you. I truly hope that he comes around and contacts you. I genuinely and sincerely hope that your card is just late in the post my friend. Please take care of yourself.

    All my hopes and dreams for you

    Ken x

  • Morning Ken

    Thank you so much 😊 I hope that is the case but deep in my heart ❀️ I think it won't come. Every day leading up to Mother's Day I would check my phone and the mail to see if there was anything. ( nothing ) Ken I will keep praying that one day he will get in touch. Thank you once again for your kind words. I truly hope that you are feeling as well as you can be. πŸ€—πŸ€—πŸ€—xxx Jan

  • I feel your pain Jan. My only daughter left home because she didn't understand that I was protecting her. She was being groomed online and a guy from Jordan said he was going to come to my home to take her away and marry her. I was scared and banned her from her phone and laptop until things died down but instead she went behind my back, she sneaked a phone into the house and when she was out with her friends she'd do anything she could to get internet access without me knowing, made fake accounts and all sorts, I was lost didn't know what to do for the best and now I've lost her for good. She moved in with a "boyfriend" and his mum and family but when I went there to ask if this was what she really wanted and to ask her come home the "boyfriend's" mother started arguing with me and accusing me of abusing my daughter saying I wasn't looking after her, bought her no clothes etc, I'm sure my daughter said these lies to get that woman feeling sorry for her, and my daughter just sat there in a corner letting this raging woman screaming in my face, I was scared, couldn't fight, I'm really poorly and that day haunts me everyday since it happened.

  • Hi BurningBridges

    This is horrific I really feel your pain. How could your daughter be so cruel I just can't understand. She needs a massive kick up the backside. As for that woman who the heck does she think she is there is always two sides to a story and your side is more honest than your daughters. If you had been stronger I would suggest that you stand up to her and give her a dose of own medicine. Horrible women. I hope for you that your daughter comes back one day and you can ask her why she did what she did. It is really awful that your own flesh and blood can do this to her own mother. Like you I am not a well woman but on this occasion I would've had to of said to her thank you don't bloody business it's my daughter not yours and you are believing all her lies because none of this happened. It makes me so angry even when I'm writing this back to you. Please don't let this haunt you because you are better woman than she ever will be. I truly wish you well and take good care of yourself my friend. πŸ€—πŸ€—πŸ€—xxxJan

  • Thank you Jan for your soothing words, kids put their parents through so much heartache don't they, I'm not sure how I'm going to move forward from all of this. I do hope you get to have a relationship with your son in the near future, soft hugs -x-

  • Hi BurningBridges

    You must start to feel good about yourself. Just think of one good thing a day. Also tell yourself what a good person you are and you know you did your very best in bringing up your daughter. So hold your head high every day with a big smile on it and it will shine through to everyone around you πŸ˜„πŸ˜„πŸ˜„πŸ˜„ if you do this you will feel a lot better. I know it can a little difficult but you can do it. Trust me. Now start today and I wish you all the best of health and take good care of yourself my friend. πŸ˜ŠπŸ˜ŠπŸ˜ŠπŸŒΉπŸŒΉπŸŒΉπŸ‘πŸ‘πŸ‘xxxx

  • I'm sorry your going through that

    I've been through the same thing

    My son and his girlfriend broke up and I didn't see my son or his girlfriend for three years which means I didn't see my grandsons

    It really hurt

    I'd call my son and he would put the phone down on me but I never gave up I was like you a giver but you can't buy love best to just give a little not a lot and don't give up text him write to him and don't argue with his wife bite your tongue it's not easy but it. An be done

  • Hi Lorrained8 I would try but like you I think he would put the phone down on me. It's very sad when the woman comes into their lives and takes over in a very unkind way and tears the family apart. Well maybe one day it will happen to her because they only have one little boy my grandson who I miss dreadfully. I don't think I would give her the opportunity to do this to me ever again because she is really a nasty nasty person and unfortunately my son Can't see that at the moment. But hopefully one day he will get in touch with me. I truly wish you well and take good care of yourself.πŸ€—πŸ€—πŸ€—xxx Jan

  • Jan101, I feel your pain but from a different perspective

    I am now a 60 year old man and reading your experience as well as others who've replied, has brought many, many, many sad and lonely thoughts. Due to many circumstances growing up I grew up for all of my teen years with a legal guardian. While living with my guardian was a truly wonderful experience and I was loved from the first day I moved in and she became my best friend in every sense of the word and I still miss her but all of my love for her has not changed. But to my guardian I always called her MOM. She made sure that every week for several years of my early stay that I wrote a letter to my Mother even when I was angry at her because of not understanding all that was going on. She was divorcing her my stepdad who always treated my brother and sister as his. Even after the divorce he remained a part of our life until he passed away. Long story short, my Mother and I had a beautiful and loving relationship as well I had with my Mom. If anyone is lost, my guardian became my Mom and all of her cards and gifts from me was addressed as such. My birth mother was just that, she was always referred to as Mother, in conversation, cards, letters and gifts. That was how I was able to identify each whom I loved equally.

    Back to feeling your pain, back in 1997, my now husband and I moved several hundreds of miles away from my mother and rest of family. But on what would have been the first Mother's Day here in the US, we made plans to surprise both of our mothers by showing up at their front door and knocking with them answering it and seeing us. However, that would NOT be the case for me. The day that we planned all of this, had our plane tickets etc., I received a call from my brother telling me to call as soon as I got this message.

    That very morning my mother had taken a shower and dresses and then went downstairs where she sat in a chair to wait for my sister as they were planning a day together. I guess you can figure out where this is going by now. When she sat down and between the time my brother had come downstairs, she suffered a massive heart attack and died instantly and there was nothing that could be done to revive her. She was gone at a young age of 59.

    I feel your pain feel the pain you feel with the loss of closeness you had with your son before his marriage. I know that a mothers love doesn't stop or lessen because of marriage or distance. Neither should a child's love for his mother or parents. I can only imagine you feel the lost of closeness you had especially because of the treatment from your daughter in-law.

    Marriage should not turn either of their love for their families into a contest to see who comes out on top. Marriage should find that additional love one has to share and who would then receive in return. It truly pains me to hear of your Mother's Day treatment from your only son, his wife and with not being able to be more involved in a loving way to your only grandchild even from a distance. Just thinking about it really breaks my heart as well. I would give anything to be able to once more hear my Mother's voice or to see her and hug her while letting her know how much I loved her. I was lucky in that she knew just how I felt because with the distance I talked to her nearly every day even if only for a few minutes. We both always told each other that we loved each other before ending the calls.

    But I would still want to move Heaven and Earth just to again give her a Mother's Day gift, talk with, see and hug even if for only one more time! May your son soon realize the hurt or feelings you are having even if the mention of his wife never came up. Just what you're feeling from him. One day he will sadly be in the position as I am, that of never being able to talk with, see or pass along gifts to.

    Your sadness breaks my heart for you but hopefully at some time, you may be able to have a heart to heart talk with him letting him know how much you miss his love and attention to you.

    You are loved and will be remembered and missed one day, hopefully many, many, many years from now.

    Bob

    As an added note, my dad passed away suddenly 13 years ago on Easter Sunday from a massie heart attack as well. So I get the same feelings when Father's Day rolls around. I only hope I was the son they wanted as much as I know with all the crazy things I went through that led to not being raised by either after the age of 9, My love for both could never be replaced regardless of how much love I had for others who also became my family through actions and not the law. The more love we receive and give is endless!

    Thinking of you and wishing things can change ASAP and your sons family can see what a wonderful gift of you are to them as they to you.

  • Hi bob1616

    Thank you so much for explaining your life to me it sounds like you had a lot of love to give and they had a lot of love for you and that is so wonderful. I truly wish my son could see sense and I understand that sometimes in life that daughter-in-law do not always get on with the other family. In saying that I really can't understand why as we where nothing but nice and really good to her. I think she could not cope with how close my son and I where to which I think it's really sad. You would think that she would have some respect for me as my sons mother and that was from me that made him The person he is off today. However not the person he has become since he married her. I feel he has changed to her ways and thinking more like her. I just hope and pray that my grandson grows up to be more like his father when he was growing up with me. Everyone that met my son always said to me you must be very proud of your son he is such a lovely person. I was very very proud of my son in the way he had turned out and growing into a man. So I am hoping that one day before it's too late he will get back in touch with me and we can make things all better again. I truly want to thank you for your lovely post it really touched my heart ❀️ I would like to wish you well and take good care of yourself my friend. Sending you lots of warm hugs God bless you. πŸ€—πŸ€—πŸ€—xxxx

  • Awe I'm so sorry it's so painful not being in contact with your son,but maybe take consolation that they are heal ,look after yourself be happy.πŸ’•

    Peggy ❀

  • Hi Peggy76

    Thank you so much. I will. You take good care of yourself and I hope that you are as well as you can be. πŸ€—πŸ€—πŸ€—xxx Jan

  • I'm so sorry I rarely post these days but as soon as I glanced at your post I desperately wanted to know what your post would say..I'm tiny bit similar Had a heavy heart all week Every mention was like a knife through me Been "poorly" for ages now you know the score Two lovely grown- up Great jobs etc Very close to my daughter out of the blue told me xmas 2016 she was gay " Not a problem I said" but the girlfriend had her own family including two children and had other idea's cut to the quick I've not seen her since last summer every time I try to reach out I've had it in the neck! Never had any problems getting on with anybody ever. It's awful especially when you've given absolutely everything to being a Mum The first time in my life when I could really do with some support I have this awful feeling I won't see her again It's killing me so I know where you are and having grandchildren well that's hurtful People tell me "Step back and wait" but that's hard I have no pearls of wisdom try and be patient keep reaching out if possible Love to you Happy Mothers Day You are a terrific mum because you obviously still care despite how horrible the daughter-in-law has treat you She's threatened by you.

  • Hi Mintychristine

    I know what you mean and how horrible it is when your children turn on you especially when you have done everything you can to be a good mum. It makes me wonder sometimes what they tell their partners so they can be this sympathy one. One thing for sure they do this so they are not looked down on in a on unkindly way. I reached out once and got no reply so from that day I never reached out again. Sometimes in life we have to let them go and maybe one day they will come back to us if it's not too late. I really do hope that your daughter will come around one day and see what a lovely mum she has. If not it is definitely her loss. I truly wish you well and take good care of yourself. Jan πŸ€—πŸ€—πŸ€—xxx

  • Thank you Jan You too I knew what an awful week it was for you. And your position is awful being the Mum of your grandchild We can only be there for them if and when they hit problems Somebody said to me Relationships don't last a lifetime now like our generation and you don't really want heartache for them but sometimes their judgement . My daughter is single girl two degrees! And she's living in a really bad area with an older woman and her children! Take care I'll keep my eye for any of your posts but how brave are you? And you've raised a subject so many people can relate to. xxxxπŸ˜‡

  • Morning Mintychristine Thank you and again I really know what you are saying. I truly think that she is not good for me son. I am not saying that he is better than anyone but she is not a nice person and maybe he will realise one day. I truly wish you as well as you can be. So sorry to hear that she is living in a bad area. It really makes you think what is going on in there minds. It's really not how we brought them up to be. Take good care of yourself my friend. Jan πŸ€—πŸ€—xxx

  • Remember she's got a son.one day that son may get a wife ,who does the same too her .chin up .Try and talk to them both x

  • Hi roses123 you are so right. In a way I hope that it does and I don't want to sound mean. Take good care of yourself. Jan xxx

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