Not long now ...

[SootyB]

Well, not the best week, from what I can see. Currently got a weird pain in my face - well, it's either my ear or my face, and I'm not quite sure which! It's in and around the ear I wear a hearing aid in, which makes me think it could be that, but I've worn the aid for over 6 months, and it's only been the last couple of weeks that this problem has popped up, and then gone again, and now come back. It's slightly swollen onto my cheek, and is also slightly painful behind the jaw, which makes me think it might be an inflamed salivary gland. No time to get it checked out for the next couple of weeks, though, so it's anti-inflammatories for me!

Mark (my OH) is going in for his op on Wednesday. He's definitely worried, but it seems for different reasons to me. The low-down is that he's already had his colon removed (nasty genetic complaint causing dangerous polyps), and is now going in for removal of his rectum, and a (hopefully temporary) ileostomy. He's dreading the ileostomy; even though he knows I won't be turned off by it, it's really unappealing for him. Also, he knows from his previous op that he'll be in considerable pain once they take out the epidural. My boss (ever surprising in her nature) has been amazingly tolerant of my requests for leave to support him, and so I should (fingers crossed) be able to be around as much as possible until he's discharged.

My worry (irrational as it may be) is that - as no one else I care about has been through much, operation-wise - something will go wrong, and he won't make it out the other side. I was born a pessimist, and wear a constant cloak of optimism to keep everyone else happy, but underneath, I'm always fretting about the worst-case scenario, and trying to prepare myself for having to deal with it if it happens. He's a fairly healthy (genetic condition aside) 32-year-old, and none of the professionals have given us any reason to think that there's any major risk, but I work in healthcare, and we're always told that all surgery is a risk, and every magazine you pick up has some story about someone who went in for a routine op and died on the table, or had some horrible unexpected outcome!

I know a lot of you are, or have been, in the same boat as we are now - how do you deal with the emotions? How do you support the person who's actually having the op, when you feel like you could use some support yourself?!

[Extremelygrumpy]

Ummm honestly. Not well ... I don't even have work to contend with.... But my OH had his op cancelled last week at the last minute and is having it this Thursday ... If you read my blog about my lunch I have no idea how my son and I are going to cope as my OH is the cook... My son is autistic so no real help there.... And my OH has two lung diseases so he may have to go into intensive care after... I think is the reason for my ibs flare up... Plus the hospital is a £30 taxi ride there and back so it's going to cost us money we don't have.... Why oh why if we have to have fibro can,t life be easy if I could still drive it would be easier but we can't afford a car anymore even if I could drive.. Gahhhhhh now you got me going on in circles ..

Wishing you and your OH all the best

HUGS VGx

[SootyB in reply to Extremelygrumpy]

Oh, VG, it sounds like you've got it even worse than me right now! I'm lucky to still be driving, as he lives (and will be in hospital) 40 miles away from me, and I suspect that I will be using his house as a crash pad for part of the time that he's in hospital. I'm hoping that the stoma nurse was right about him being on an 'open visiting' ward for the first few days, as I should be able to be there most of the day, and read my Kindle whilst he's resting. It's still going to be a fortune in parking fees, but not as extortionate as taxi fares.

Suppose it's too late to get the other half (and other family members, if possible) to cook big batches of casseroles etc., and freeze them? It's not ideal, but at least it would allow you and your son some guaranteed meals (with minimum fuss) whilst you're trying to cope with everything (including the worry).

Hope everything goes ok for your OH, and that you and your son manage whilst he's incapacitated. xx

[Ginsing]

Hi Sooty,

You ask how you manage when the Oh is having op you will find that from somewhere a strength you did not know you had will emerge and this will see you through and you will be able to comfort those around you to. I do not know where from but believe me you will find the courage and we will all be here to listen and encourage you best wishes for a good week xgins

[newtalk44]

gins above is right. my husband had a massive Heart Attack 50-50 him pulling through, fortunately he did at the age of 54yrs. He hasn't worked since, because after this it was a knock on effect.

After coming out of hospital 3 wks later he was back in with what seems to follow for some strange reason after a Heart Attack - Gallstones along with an inflamed Pancreas. They could not operate straight away because it was to soon after his Heart Attack. He had to wait 3months before they would.

When he was due to go into hospital for the op he was in a lot of pain and we thought it was either another Heart Attack or his Gallstones. It turned out to be a Collapsed Lung a bad one. He was in hospital for 6wks. No matter how they tried they could not get it to inflate again.He weighed 11st. when he went in, after the 6wks was up and the consultant operated again they finally got it to work. He came home weighing just 8st 7ib, just skin and bone. Every night I went to see him I could see the weight dropping of him and was worried sick because he was in a ward with Lung Cancer patients and although I didn't say anything I thought the staff were not telling me something.

He got over that after I had looked after him when he came home, gradually putting the weight back on. He could not do anything at first when he came home, I had to help him get his daily shower, dress him and watch his every move because he was so week.

5 months went by and he then had to go back in to have his Gallblader removed,

2 months after that he got a Hernia that needed operating on.

6 months later he had to be rushed back in because he had got to be operated on for a Strangulated Hernia which he could have died from.

Over the course of 2yrs he had 7 ops. Finally after he had his Triple Heart Bypass done he is now in as good a health he could possibly be. He is now 73yrs old. Never having worked again. Nobody wanted a 57yr old man. But we got through.

When I look back to that time and I think that after working an 8hr day at my soft furnishing job at the time, looking after my family and home being in bad pain, tired out all the time with my Chronic Fibro without any help from anyone. I don't know how I did it, but when someone said to me "How do you do it" I said BECAUSE I HAVE TO. I also prayed several times a day to God to help me and he did.

So you see you will find the strength to get through what you will be going through with your husband. Just be determined not to let anything get the better of you, be strong and prayer does help. Keep your chin up! Take care of yourself the best you can. Luv from Newtalk44

[SootyB]

Thanks, Newtalk44 and gins - I may not be around for a few days, as I suspect most of my time will be at the hospital, but I'll update when I can. Thanks, folks, for lending an ear! xx