Fibromyalgia Action UK

Fibromyalgia Stages of Grief

Seen this one and thought I would share

Fibro like many other long illness can hit us hard, it is life changing and its something we can not control. Fibro is a disability and you will grief for your old life just like the stages you would grief the loss of a loved one.

Shock- This is the initial paralysis, as our life as we knew it has now gone.

This stage is short-lived and should pass quickly.

Anger- Lashing out, mood swings.I think we all go through this stage, we get angry at ourselves for our bodies letting us down, at our partners because they dont understand, at our friends because they get fed up with us complaining we are always ill. Anger at your Gp for not being able to cure us. This stage is not good for us as it brings on stress. Stress is a known trigger to bring on a flare so try to stay as stress free as possible.

Denial- Trying to deny we have fibro. I think we all try to deny we have a long-term syndrome, no one wants to be told they have a disability, it's a normal reaction for us. Some people can cope better than others but the sooner we deal with it the better.

Looking for answers- Almost out of desperation we will try anything in the hope it will just go away, medications, tests. We will try anything to make ourselves better, go to our GP`S ask for all the latest drugs & tests, troll the net to to find the latest "cure", rush to the chemist to buy up the vitamins, look through the health magazines. Sadly there is no answer and no cure, we just have to keep living in hope that one day they will find us a cure.

Depression -When it hits you this is for real and it's not going to go away.

It`s normal to feel depressed for a long while, you have to mourn the loss of your old life and learn how to live with your new life. Your body has gone through so many changes, what you took for granted last week is now going to be more of a challenge for you this week. Depression is a serious illness and you should always seek your GP`s advice as with help you can get past this by meds or counselling or both dont isolate or withdraw yourself, there is help out there.

Acceptance- we have no choice this is our life and we have to make the most of it. We can learn more about fibro, find out what will and wont help us, gather as much info on fibro as you can. Make many changes that will give us an easier life.Try to stay positive. With the help and support from family/friends/forums we can make this happen.

19 Replies

Thanks for answering to my blog. I question my self at times weather I am doing the right thing. When I get nice comments, that means I must be xxx


I have been through all of these stages in a mix of how much and all every day, I feel the anger more than any and have yet to find a way to have a life with this condition, despite knowing stress is so bad for me. Acceptance and depression are the same, thank you for putting on this post as I know its true and its good to face what you some times forget when your just trying to get through the day, I wish I could find peace if not better health



Hi BlueBunny, you are only right. How I look at it, we are grieving for our old life how we were, but I think it shows that we are very strong people, who gets up no matter what and puts a brave face on and what we really want to do is go and disappear and sleep to wake up and think it was just a really bad dream. xx


that is really well written ,how clever of you :)

its funny untill i actually sat there and read that, i hadnt really thought of myself going through this ,but i have

thank you it was really good xxx


Thanks I only copied it a pasted, not very good with words now days. Thought I would share it. I thought the same when I read it first. Shows us how STRONG we are really xxx Thanks for the comment xxx


Thankyou for sharing, i really like that its so true.

I am very angry with it at the minute it stops me doing so much.

I always thought myself as strong but now i dont know.

hugs, kel xxxx


You are strong, to get up each day and try and do the best you can and to keep smiling. To me that is strong and I think it is being positive too xxx


That is so true, thank you for sharing it. I have only had fibro for a year. Its hard going. xxx


Thanks for sharing that i have just realised that this weekend I am trying to stay strong but the tears flow too easily it definately is a grieving process for the loss of vitality. x


thats really good i have saved that to my favourites its nice to keep looking at love diddle x


I never really thought about it but now I've read this I realise we do grieve. I spent years trying to pretend I didn't have Fibro and that I could still do everything the same. All that happened was I had lots of flare ups because I did things I knew were too much for me. I was snappy and moody and really angry with myself. I felt useless and stupid. I have very slowly come to terms with the Fibro and though I still don't think I have fully accepted it I am better than I was. This site is helping me by making me feel I'm not alone with it anymore.

love Cath


Hi, Rubycat, you are only right. I have had it for 11 years now, and still cant except what I have got or feel like I am banging my head against a brick wall with GP etc. But when something is written down and you read it you think yes this is why I feel like this and yes the site is great, to hear from people who are going through the same as you. Love Kim


Hello, everyone, We are: strong, beautiful women, who have been

there and back again, with our pain and sleepless nites, but it sure is nice to

know we have each other, to share and help each other. I am new to the site,

and I am so thankful, for all of you, I no longer feel alone++++

With affection & Love Cathy


Thank you for sharing this. I have had Fibro for two years now, caused by an accident. It is really a nightmare and I wish so much that one morning I will wake up and this condition, like a dream would just be totally gone. I think grief is a big part. Not being able to live the live I had. Not being able to travel to visit my father the last year of his life, not being able to hold and pick up our precious 14 month old grandson. Can't travel, can't work in our garden. Fibro fog has left me feeling stupid and quite embarrassed. I, like everyone with this, just want it to go away. I am working on being more positive but honestly the joy of life has been taken away by a ridiculous, miserable condition. Take care and thank you once again for listing what we are going through.



You are so right - I am a nurse (although I can't be in a physical nursing role anymore) so I knew about the 5 stages of grief, and was able, with support, to recognise that this is what is happening to me and that it is normal, and reasonable. Like a bereavement, there is no fixed time to move on from one stage to the next, nor is there any reason why you can't jump around each stage or go from depression to anger and then acceptance but get angry again when something changes. It is so useful to share this information with everyone, and understand why we have emotional ups and downs. Well done dimfunsize xx sparkles to you *{}*


thanks you xx


Not sure where I am on the "grief chart", it varies from day to day, But that is how we have to live now, one day at a time. Try to plan too much in advance & it never happens & that only brings more anger, sadness & frustration.

We must just plod on & try & keep smiling, even if it is thru clenched teeth!!! xx


I've been suffering with fatigue, pain and brain fog for almost two years now being diagnosed with fibro two months ago and reading your blog has underlined things for me. I get terrible pains in my feet and my lower back so walking is extremely painful for me. At the moment I can't walk my dog so I have to rely on my family to take him out. I am so angry with my body for letting me down like this.... I want to scream but I just cry. Friends just laugh and say things like 'you're falling apart' or 'oh its your age' they have no idea how angry those comments make me feel. I too feel like they think I'm always moaning about being tired and in pain so now I just don't say anything. I'm sure they just think I'm a miserable old boot now!

The fibro fog makes my friends and family laugh (they don't mean to be cruel) but the long pauses and loss of my train of though is so frustrating for me. I feel like I'm locked in a body that has aged well beyond my years.

The meds I've been put on don't help but I suppose I have to give them time.

It's just so nice to know I'm not alone, finding this blog has been so refreshing.

hugs xx


Well done, well thought out and written.


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