Fibromyalgia Action UK
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Caring of my Disabled Brother

Hello everyone, I thought I would give you an update on my Disabled brother whose wife left him just over a week ago & I was getting myself so stressed out over it.

Well I'd like to say what a difference a week makes.

My Mum & a couple of family members came to the rescue & helped gut the house if the rubbish she had left behind her. A goid friend of my brother got a van & a couple of guys to take the unwanted furniture & rubbish away.

My Sister in Law is what I would call a hoarder. She would not come round & tell wgat was to be kept she just txtd my bro & told him what was not needed. There are a few black bags filled & sitting in the kitchen & also one ofvthe bedrooms.

On Friday Mum, bro & myself went out furniture shopping. My Mum bought a new double bed for the main bedroom & my brother bought 2 single beds for each of the boys should they want to come & stay. He akso bought the most gorgeous red lamp that stands on the foor & is abought 5'5" tall & lights the whole way up, he bought a lovely red spagetti floor rug, cushions & a couple of picture. He spent a fortune. When the accessories were all in place in the main living room it made such a difference to the room. Warm & cosy looking.

He txt his wife & tild her she had until Sunday to come & take what stuff has been bagged up belonging to her as the new beds are being delivered on Monday & ond of the rooms holds her stuff. Uo until now she has'nt appeared. She told him she would call on Friday night but did'nt. He asked Mum & I if she does'nt come by Sunday night will we pack the stuff into our cars & leave it round in her front path. Secretly thats what we want to do.

So for now my shitf of duty for looking after him are a Fri, Sat & Sunday morning. It has been a doddle. If he wants he can go up to Mums for lunch or I can make him something in his own house. at tea time if he does'nt go uo either Mum or Dad wi bring his dinner down. After carers have been at 8pm & put him to bed Mum will come & get him his night time medication, turn everything of & look all doors & windows. Mum & I are gojng to do this week about between us.

My brother even looks a lot happier now that he can see things taking shape. He was to be rid of alk her ideas & put his own mark on the place..

In a couple of weeks time he has decorators comming to paint the whole house inside from top to bottom. He is akso getting the Kitchen Doctor out to getvall new cupboard doors & worktops etc

It will be like a new kichen.

He has asked me to take him to a hospital appointment on Monday afternoon. One which she kept putting off because she did'nt feel like going. How selfish & petty is that? & its fir his eye as he can hardly see out of it at all. He has to get an injection into it. Give me the creeps thinking about it but he says its just a bit uncomfortable.

I even feel nice & relaxed gojng into his house as she made me feel uncomfortabld & unwelcome.

We have been having a good bit of banter between us.

I will go up in the morning for 8.45 for carers arriving at 9.00am to shower him, dress him & get him into his wheelchair fir the day. I will probably just stay forvthe day until its time for us both to go to Mum & Dads for Sunday dinner. Really looking firward to that.

Thank you for wanting to have an uodate on our progress on looking after him.

Luv & Hugs


26 Replies

P.S. So sorry for my typo errors. I am using my phone & you cant always see what you are typing.



Hi Jac

It sounds like things have settled down wonderfully - I am so pleased for you, your brother and your family

Julie xx


Thanks a lot Julie

Its all happened so quickly & well, long may it continue.



Morning Jac

I am glad that everything is now settling down and a new routine is coming into place. I hope every thing goes well and send best wishes to you all :) x gins


Morning Gins

Thank you, Its all happened so quickly & & well for us.

Long maye it continue.

Luv & Hugs



That's great news. Things are always better when you come up with a plan and see it going well. Happy for you all. In South Africa they have a saying it's 'go well' and that's what I wish for all of you.


Hi jac

Is'nt amazing the difference what family love support and a fresh outlook can achieve. I'm so delighted that your brother appears to be handling this recent change in his life with dignity, courage and a determination to move forward.

It is never easy to watch bad things happening to good people is it? but the love & suport you are showing to your Brother in his hour of need will help him rise above the pain and help him to realise that he is a loved and much valued member of the family and although his life has changed immensely from what it was before his accident, he deserves to enjoy the present without feeling trapped in a relationship that clearly wasnt an equal and loving partnership.

I will pray that his current situation continues to improve and he finds comfort & joy in being surrounded by family & friends and that god continues to give him courage faith & hope.

God bless you and your mum & dad for your inspiring display of family love and loyality its nice to see the real meaning of family is still alive and well in a day and age when so many people are all too often selfish and obsessed with fufiling their own needs.

Look after yourself jacs and enjoy this precious family time with your brother xxxx Dixie


hi im not being nasty but he seems so much more up beat about it all now and maybe hes better off .she sounds selfish to me.if you love someone then you look after them through thick and thin not just walk away.

im so glad hes starting afresh and id do that as well.good for him and may it long continue and good on you all for rallying around him.x


Every cloud has a silver lining has never been more apt - your brother was handed a gift on a silver platter the day his wife left him. You sound on top of the world and I'm so pleased to hear that. Everything has turned around so quickly for your brother and I couldn't be happier for him. I'm not sure if your brother's disability means he can't use a computer (or perhaps he doesn't have one), but if he did and he could - I would be more than happy to friend him and have a chat with him - he sounds a really strong, lovely guy and I think we could all take a leaf out of his book on how to turn a bad situation into a good one. I think you and your family are amazing an obviously love and support each other very much. One of these days his wife is going to look how well he's done without her and she'll be full of regret. It would be priceless to see the look on her face!!!! Again, well done to you all. Blessings and hugs to you all. xxx


Hi Fluermp

Yes he does have a laptop but is'nt into using it at all.

He is a big sporting fan of any type of sport. He gets enjoyment from watching it, reading on his Kindle & watching DVDs.

He's like Jeremy Kyle & hates Facebook & why I dont know as he's never used it but his wife does. She blocked me on it but she still has my son on her friendsist so I can see what she puts on from his. It can make for interesting reading but I wont tell him.

Thank you

luv & Hugs



Thank you all so much for your positive respones so my brother. He has been amazi g. However he is still just telling us little snippits at a time of his recent past with his wife.

He really is well & truely better away from her. I can see a change in his face, be if relief/happiness I dont know but everything is going great.

Ooh boy is she in for a surprise when she see the change in the house. God I dread to think of the new place. May she be as happy as she thinks she will amongst her cluttet & filth.

Thank you all for your support.

Luv & Hugs



I'm so glad things are working out for the better I'm glad to hear you so happy hope it continues to be so . Sithy


Aww. You are such a great brtoher ... I rally hope all goes well for what looks like to be a great future.

gentle hugs

happycroc x


As the wife has been such a Queen B, I'd tell her that you have no intention if using your own petrol driving her stuff to her, and that if she doesn't collect it within 7 days you will send it to the tip, as well as billing her everyone's time and the van rental for the clearout.

Do it in writing, keep a copy, and either deliver it by hand or send it Recorded Delivery.

Oh, and get her Off Carer's Allowance too! (if she claims it!)

Cheers, Midori


Hi Midori

Thanks for your reply. She only lives around the corner. No-one gets carers allowance for him. She works, so she cant claim it.

My brother has made arrangements to have the stuff lifted & dumped if she does'nt come for it. He must have made arrangements with his friend. Who called y'day?

Luv & Hugs



im a hoarder myself as was grandma and father

today my disabled sons birthday but he died

he had sticklers syndrome

i look on it as no pain 4 him now


oh yes im disabled too

got ribs injury

dodgey back hips knees

diabetic peripheral neuropathy

clinically depressed

suffer bad stress

etc etc

but i soldier on and live alone now had two wives

have a girlfriend now who understands me

im lucky indeed


i have a friend going to have that to replace with gel i think


Hi cabbage

You have a friend going to get what replaced?

Luv & Hugs



So lovely to read this update. God bless xx


Thank you Fiona.

I hope you are keeping as well as can be.

Luv & Hugs



Hi Jacs

Sorry for the late reply, I have been away. You don't know how happy reading this as made me. After reading how stressed you were last time it is amazing. I am so glad you spoke to you mum and brother and have all sorted a plan of action out. It even sounds like your brother is cheering up too, amazing considering his situation.

Well done!

Hugs xxxxxxxxxx


Thank you Pinkpig.

Unfortunately my cousin passed away due to cancer yesterday morning at 12.10 am.

She was one of the nurses at the hospital my brother was in for a year after his accident.

She had only been diagnosed 6/7 wks ago.

I spent the whole of yesterday in tears. I think everything just hit me. I called at my brothers & Mum was there, she saw that I had been crying & sent me home to bed. God how we hated those words when we were kids lol.

I just thought all day of my brother & my cousin. Also me ex Mum in Law passed away a month ago. Although she was my ex Mum in Law we where still good friends, we saw & spoke to each other regularly.

Life is hard. Thats how it felt to me.

I hope you enjoyed your Holiday & are'nt too depressed being back to this miserable weather.

Luv & Hugs

Jackie xx


Oh Jackie I am so so sorry, what an awful thing to happen. Your mum was right to send you home to bed. Like you I cry alot and I find it a great realise. I had great holiday thank you but not feeling too good but that doesn't matter I am here for you if only in words. Big big hugs my love and you know I am here if you need to vent or talk.

Life is hard at times and it always seems to hit the nicest people

Hugs xxxxxxx


Thank you so much. I cry a lot too but find it does help me. Over the years I have found out to my cost that if I bottle things up I end up in such a mess only to be sent to Pysciatrist.

Thank you for listening, it helps.

Lots of love & I hope you feel better soon.

Jackie xx


Jackie, I'm so glad that you and your family are managing this so well, and that your brother is finally getting to put his own stamp on the house. I hope you got to dump her stuff on the front path!

Very sorry to hear about your cousin, though - between my OH and I, we've had 4 bereavements in the last 12 months, and it's harrowing every time. Gentle hugs for you!

Sara xx


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