Return of the prodigal!

Hi all Ive been missing for ages, toooo much gone on to even go into. Lots of husband trouble almost got me convinced all my fault, UNTIL I found in the car door pocket his single ticket to USA from June to Sept,

He booked this before Christmas, without a word. Im terrified of flying I asked him to wait a while just to see how I felt, his brother is getting married there in June, I said if I couldn't go it was fine for him to go, but for not being given an option and to go for 3months, is he trying to tell me something.

He wont move out of our home as his brother and girlfriend are living in our other house (too long a story to go there) until March, thats when the brother and girlfriend are leaving to go to USA to organise the wedding.

My fibro is going nuts, Im waiting results of biopsies for cervical/uterus cancer and not once has he asked me "How are you doing".

13 Replies

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  • Is it a return ticket????

    VG x

  • Yep He'll be away just over 3months

    SusanX

  • Poor you, as if you haven't enough on your plate. Do you have anyone you can talk to about this. It is very difficult for you, but you must put yourself first and get your health sorted. We are all here for you.x

  • What a shitty thing for him to do. Watching loved ones go on living their lives is tough enough when they help out but when they do things like this that sucks. I hope you change all of the locks while hes out there

  • 3 months long time, I am sure you will get through this we are all hear and try to look at the positive side , it will let you both know if there is a future for you both together and if you can survive without him, either way, this is where a road crosses or forks and at least now you know.

    I have been where you are at , had the shock, dramatics the floating in space time but what you have that I never had was..............................all of us, so scream, shout, swear and get a good lawyer. Chin up Susanx right now you are tied up in knots and take time to unravel you may just amaze yourself.x

  • How awful for you i hope your test results are good and you dound like a strong person you will cope and move on gentle hugs for you and dont foget you have friends on here take care god bless x

    Jane

  • Hi hun it kind of reminds me of what my dad did to my mum, it was “ I'm going to yorkshire to go to uni i'll look for a house big enough for all of us” three years later he was still in a fully furnished two bedroom house it would have been fine except there were three kids two boys and one girl me, I had to sleep on my parents bedroom floor for two months till my mum found a three bedroom flat, everything is fine I hear you say, well it would have been if he hadn't decided to cheat on her again for the umteenth time they were married 18years and he cheated for all of them, what a loveley bloke not .I know I'm rambling on.

    I do hope things work out for you and as some of our lovely friends have suggested the time apart could be used for reflection on your marriage thinking things through without interrupted but I realy do hope it all works out the way you would like it and best of luck. Sithy

  • Wow! You have a lot to deal with at the moment, I think if I were you, I'd not worry too much about what your husband is up to, it sounds like it'll only cause you a lot of heartache, you need to concentrate on your own issues and take care of yourself - it sounds as though your husband isn't helping you and has his own agenda anyway. I was given a break from my other half once, we were supposed to be having a holiday together but he dumped me and our (then) baby son off at my sister's for a week or so and went off on his own - that time apart gave me some perspective on the situation and when we got home again, I moved into the spare room until I was able to move out - I don't think he'd expected that, but having a break from the constant stress made me realise I couldn't carry on living with him. Take advantage of the break to figure out what you want and document whats going on, it may prove useful later on. I wish you the best of luck xxxx

  • If I were you I would enjoy the break on my own. It sounds like you need it and I am sure it will bring perspective that isnt visible now to your situation and feelings. I realise it must be hard, but hang in there and take control by doing something you want to with your time. I do hope that you feel less stress soon, and dont forget its a long way off so alot can change in a few months!

    NN :)

  • I fully sympathise with your situation. I have had ME/Fibro for 15 years. My partner could not cope when I got ill, started having an affair in secret and left me 2 years after I got ill. Too cowardly to tell me, he left his mobile out for me to find messages on it. We'd been together 7 years. It was the best thing that could have happened! Despite being virtually bedbound I met the love of my life, got married to him and we are now hoping to live our dream and move to Europe. Going through the break up was the hardest thing I have ever had to do. I was alone, extremely ill and very frightened. But friends and family helped me out and I turned it around. Sometimes a situation that seems "bad" can in fact turn out to be a good thing. I wish you all the best x

  • Hi Susanx,

    Your other half sounds like a bit of a loser to me. All he seems to be doing for you is making you unhappy, so as others have remarked, maybe you should use the three months to assess your situation and reflect on how much better off you might be without this waster making all your problems worse.

    We girls don't need a man at any cost. We are ok on our own until we find someone worthy of us. Please try to separate the emotional problems you must be suffering from the practical problems which you have to face.

    See a solicitor or CAB about your accommodation needs, and make sure you're getting all the benefits and help that you are entitled to. Once you have shored up your defences and made yourself independent and secure, you might find that you don't want Mr Useless tying you down.

    I really do understand how you feel, and I also know how much better you will feel once you've decided to put yourself first, and made up your mind whether you can really bear to continue with this unsatisfying relationship. Only you can answer this, but I have my suspicions that you will find a strength you didn't know you had, and manage to live a better life.

    All my very best wishes for your happier future ...Love Moffy x

  • Hi Susanx,

    I really do feel for you, try and be strong and turn to your family and friends for support. I was having a very bad time at work, was ill with serious bowel condition but did not have Fibro at the time, was being bullied at work and was off work for 12 months. He decided that because he could'nt talk to me he would find someone at his work he could talk to, a shoulder to cry on,decided he did'nt want me any more after a long long time of being together, made me feel that it was all my fault. I went through hell for nearly 2 years, him coming home with her perfume all over him, denying he was doing anything, men can lie so much sometimes but we always know and can sense when something is not right. I thought I was a weak person but I found the strength to carry on, we are still together but for me it can never be the same. I still feel bitter and sometimes I feel that I hate him for what he did to me, the thing I hate most is that he has never ever told me the truth about him and her. Feel like I am surviving but not living. Looking back now I wish I did leave him. I will never trust him again, ever.

    Good luck Susanx, do what you think is right for you and be happy.

    xxxxxx

  • Thank you all so much for your support in my present circumstances, I have been trying to sort things best I can, through floods of tears Ive made an appointment with the housing authorities thats on Fri, wish me luck.

    I would like to stay here as it is assisted living, he has told me he will be moving but not until his accomodation is free in march, I dont think I can cope that long in this atmosphere.

    Ive always considered myself a home maker (when he wasnt knocking down walls) my boys and him always came first, When he had his two stokes 7yrs ago I never left his side.

    Call me soft but I really struggled when he began to push me away. I am a strong person and I know I will eventually come through this.

    He's made up with his younger brother and has been out on the drink all day, he's peed all over the bath room floor and took himself to HIS bed in the spare room, This is the man He was 20yrs ago and its the path he's chosen to return to, not a thing I can do about it, I have said for along while only his own agenda counts. Well its time to make my own.

    Thank you all, I will be back very soon

    SusanX

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