Really need some positivity right now.

[Star26]

Hey everyone,

I started my 2nd round of ICSI on Saturday. My first failed round ended in just 2 eggs being collected to which neither fertilised. The consultant mentioned poor egg/low ovarian reserve and I have also got low amh levels. I started taking DHEA in August 2019 alongside COQ10 Ubiquinol and also a LOT of other supplements.

I had my first tracking scan today to which they discovered 3 follicles up to where they should be and another 3 that could potentially grow over the weekend of stimms. They have upped my stimms from the last round. I am on 300 Menopur, 150 Gonal F and 250 Cetrotide.

I know I should feel more positive as this is more than last time, but if the 3 smaller ones do not develop then I have only produced one more follicle than last time and 3 is just such a low number. I am feeling so low. Have felt so emotional all week and very teary. I just don't know what to do now. I am due my egg collection on Friday next week but I just cannot see the light at the end of the tunnel and it feels exactly the same as round 1. I feel so helpless. Can anyone give me some advice? I have got the mindful IVF app but I just want to stop thinking about it for just a second. It is on my mind constantly. I am so worried that it is not doing me any good either for things to further develop. I just don't know where to turn to now. 😔😔😔😔😢😢😢😢

Thank you all in advance. Xxxxxx

[HollyT7]

Hey, I had 24 follicles on the scan, 16 collected, 9 mature and only 3 fertilised. It really doesn't matter as long as you end up with one good one and this could be the only one you need. I know it's hard and horrible and sad, but you've come so far already and it might not seem it now but you will be a damn sight stronger than when you started all of this and that's something to recognise. Your doing so well to get this second show on the road and it's OK to feel rubbish, don't beat yourself up over it. I believe that even though we have science on our side, a lot of this is down to luck. You can just try your best to shove the nasty thoughts out and say a positive affirmation instead, when they creep in change it to something like, this can work and these negative thoughts don't help me. So Eat cake, watch good films and think of your follicles growing nice and big ready for the picking! ❤️ Xxx

[Star26 in reply to HollyT7]

Thank you Holly T7 for your advice. Xx

[emmab178]

You have to hold onto the idea that it's quality over quantity in the ivf game. It just takes 1 x

[2faith]

Star26 I pray that you feel better and uplifted even during this time when you feel like there is no light at the end of the tunnel. I am also trying to be in a positive space. Praying that you get healthy eggs even if its a few and that they sucessfully get fertilised. Wishing you every success in this cycle xx.

[Ash2016]

Hi lovely, I’m on my fourth cycle and also have low amh. I have had between 6 and 8 eggs each cycle. This current cycle resulted in 6 eggs. We had our last scan before collection on Monday this week. We had thought collection would be Wednesday but we only had two follicles which were ready at 21/22 mm. We then had 4 smaller ones - two at 17ish and two at 13/14. We stimmed for an extra day and come collection on Thursday we got 6. A lot can change in a couple of days so don’t give up just yet. I was really concerned about the number collected but only 2 have fertilised and who knows, maybe it was the lead two. I have tried to keep busy this week and have been getting out for walks with my dog and listening to podcasts (non fertility ones) to distract myself and it has helped a bit. Good luck for next week xxx

[Star26 in reply to Ash2016]

Thank you for sharing your journey. Xxx

[HopeOfYou]

One of my Ivf friend had 3 eggs collected, which resulted in 2 embryos both transferred and fraternal twins!

It's quality over quantity, don't despair. It's a tough journey and negativity doesn't help. Baby dust!

[Blondyboo]

If this doesn’t work it’s not the end don’t feel it’s your last shot... there is DE if you need it but fingers crossed one of these eggies are your baby 😍

[FertileMind]

Hormones can make you feel terrible but you’re alive and on this incredible journey - Energy flows where attention goes... imagine perfect & beautiful eggs, then strong implantation and growth, pregnancy and holding your beautiful baby(ies) I find it helpful to listen to beautiful music, meditate (creative chakra meditations on YouTube) watch funny comedies, go for a lovely walk, call supportive friends and family, get lots of hugs, and above all be grateful for your incredible body that is supporting you through this. It’s perfect in every way. List everything you’re grateful for, at night before you go to sleep so your subconscious ruminates on everything that’s going RIGHT in your life. And awaken and do the same. Focus on what you DO want, not on what you don’t want. Imagine the feeling of being pregnant - manifest. I know it’s easier said than done when we’re feeling low, but we are very powerful beings. Breathe and relax and trust that you are exactly where you are meant to be right now. Love and energy xx

[3005]

Hi Star

My friend only got one egg once and it fertilised, she’s waiting for a surrogate now. It’s all about the quality not the quantity.

Do you have counselling at all? My counsellor helped me loads. One thing she taught me was to think of other things and to do the A-Z technique. So pick a category and think or something to answer each letter for example fruit would be apple, banana, clementine etc

Sounds silly but it really does stop your mind from thinking about about your current situation. Also without a doubt meditation helped a lot and when I was feeling overwhelmed it totally chilled me out.

I hope this helps and I wish you well x

It’s a bloody tough journey

[Star26 in reply to 3005]

Thank you for your advice. Xxx