Well my son rang and spoke to my mum today but didnt want to speak to me..

Wel my son rang the house today to speak to my mum but still didnt want to speak to me, he said he'll be in touch at some point...... I feel so angry that my mum didnt defend me, I have had years of mental abuse from my ex, while I was with him and since splitting...... My mum saw what he put us all through, not just me, and now my son is carrying on making me feel crap.... I had to let my son go live with his dad as he terrorised my family until I did, I never bad mouthed his dad and believed it was the right thing to do, obv his dad has done nothing but bad mouth me in order to make his actions look right......

I thought Id done the right thing until last year when he just stopped talking to me, accused me of reporting is dad for being a paedophile when he was younger (no idea what he was talking about) but accused me of all sorts.......

My ex has obv filled his head with crap, and then my son stopped talking to me..... Its has been a very hard thing to live with, and he didnt want anythingh to do with any of my family, but today hes rang and spoke to my mum, (thats a good thing right) but I just feel crap all over again, like his dad is twisting the knife once again.....

Ok I was a shit mother for letting him go live with his dad, I made a mistake, but I did what I thought was the right thing at that time, how did I know what his dad was going to do... Do I have to pay for the rest of my life!!!

Sorry everyone I just had to rant and get it out.... Im absolutely heartbroken over my son, I had years and years of abuse off my ex, and I couldnt cope anymore, I thought I did the right thing....... how do I come to terms with this without it ruining every one of my relationships!!

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Hey you

No way you are a "shit mother" cos you let him go live with his dad. My eldest went to live with his Dad. It didnt last. The man i detest but i never slagged him off in front of the lads. My eldest lived there for 6 months. He realised he was better off with me. Now he sees his dad.......dont like using that word is a useless piece of dirt. I know your son has lived with his Dad longer, but one day he will realise. You did the best thing as a Mum and no-one can take that away from you. It takes a lot to let them go to someone who is a waster. At least he has rung. Take it a bit at a time. Easier said then done i know.

My ex was horrendous to me. I thought one day thats it he not controlling my life anymore. You need to think that way. You did nothing wrong. Dont let anyone take that away from you. One day it wlll fall into place, xxx

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thanks Lou, really apprciate the reply..... I'm trying so hard to remain positive and build my life back up.... but its so hard at the minute...... trying to get over my split, get another job and rebuild my life, and then this today with Jack, I dont know how much more I can take of it....

Thank you for your reply xxx I hope youre ok?? xx

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Anne

Somewhere you will find the strength to get through everything. It will make you a stronger person. You know we are all here for you, to push you through the bad times. So many times i think i cant do all this anymore, and then hey presto i get another boost to carry on. You can do it. xx

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xx

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Anne

I no a bit about this as you no

I see it as a positive thing he has made contact , ok I no it was with your mum , but I do see this as a sign that slowly , but surely , eventually it will be you as well

I understand as well you feeling upset with your mum , had something so similar , think with my mum she didn't no which way to turn & thought as long as contact was been made , was best not to cause upset & then no one would no how they were , maybe you Mum was thinking along those lines

I have already said , YOU ARE NOT A BAD MUM , takes a mum that loves their child more than themselves to do what you did , please don't beat yourself up anymore & try & believe this

I am sure eventually this will come right , I really am

Hugs

whywhy

xxxx

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thanks sooo much for your reply..... Im sat bawling now....... but thats prob a good thing..... release the valve an all!!

Im pleased that youre being brave too!! Well done

xxxxxxx

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I no , I really do , you are on a bit of an emotional roller coaster at the mo

Believe me this will all turn out positive in the end

xxx

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xxxxxx

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Its good to cry. Helps get it out of the system. Banging headache and red eyes later, but feels so much better xx

[fadedlizard]

Hi Anne,

I'm sorry you are going through such a painful experience. I tend to agree with Why though, it is good that he is able to keep in contact with your Mum. It is so important that a door remains open as through it is a road back to you.

I am so sorry that this has happened to you. You are NOT a bad mum, love. You have always done the best you could in very difficult circumstances.

Please do not give up hope. These things have a way of sorting themselves out.

Love and Best Wishes,

Lizard.xxx

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Anne

So sorry you are experiencing this. You are defo not a bad mum, try your best sit back , your son will realise and I think the contact with your mum is a good thing like you say, I bet subconsciously your son is doing that to be close to you, and he doesn't even realise that at the moment,,, speaking to your mum is close to you..be patient. I know it's hard...thinking of you.

Sue xxx

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I agree as well with this anne

xxxx

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Thanks to you all for your positive comments, they help me carry on.....and I can see now that this contact is a good thing even though he didnt want to talk to me, and yes my mum is in a no win situ really, as I am with my ex......

THANK YOU ALL

Ker xx