My mum is 50 years old and has terrible anxiety and OCD and she can't stay in the house alone. Growing up my dad lived with us however when I turned 18 he moved out as he couldn't deal with her not getting any help for herself and moved out. This left a huge burden on me and my sister constantly having to juggle our lives around who can sit with my mum. She has had therapy and is able to stay in the daytime as long as it is light however when it gets to about 9:30pm she can't handle it anymore and I end up having to come home over my less sympathetic sister.
My mum has one close friend who knows about it and to combat it she will come round and sit with her into the early hours of the morning if necessary but this isn't helping her get better, it is just sustaining it. My sister has a less than sympathetic attitude towards it where I am probably too empathetic.
My boyfriends mum has just passed away meaning he will be looking at getting his own place and I moved in temporarily during lockdown to help him. My mum has begged for me to come home and this has thrust forward any feelings about me moving out of my house at some point. I don't know how I can make her push herself to stay on her own in the night, let alone permanently. I see no advice online for this kind of thing and it worries me. I don't want to be at home forever but it doesn't look like there is any help out there for her.
Any advice would be appreciated
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bec44
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not sure I'm going to be of any help, but I understand both sides of this situation and couldn't scroll past...
is your mum on any medication? Would she consider it if she isn't?
I ask because I've avoided it for years, and have just started on sertraline and am taking diazepam in the short term. The Dr also mentioned the possibility of beta blockers and right now I'll do absolutely anything...
The other thing I've found that seems to be making a pretty big impact is affirmations and meditations, particularly the affirmations.....
I've been on my tablets just 2 weeks, I THINK they're starting to doing something, tho I'm aware it's minimal at this point, but I've had some actual GOOD days in there and that just wasn't happening at all.
I couldn't even go in my house to pee a few weeks ago, couldn't be left alone, and now I'm heading to bed alone, and I've just got out of the bath (showers still a bit much with all the steam) and stayed in there a full half hour while I listened to yep, affirmations.
I swear theyre making a HUGE difference. I don't know your mum, but I've been like this for years.. agrophobic, anorexic, panic attacks and constant anxiety- I had a breakdown. I'm eating much better, im much calmer, my thinking is less negative and i'm getting some sleep.- I've even given up smoking!
I truly hope something in there can help in some way... I'd be very happy to share anything I have, links etc if it would help, just let me know
You sound like an amazing daughter, shes very lucky to have you, but you have a life to live and a right to live it. It's so hard isn't it?.... Seeing someone we love struggle....
have a look around you tube too, I signed up for some emails, not looked at them yet, not sure whats stopping me... but I think theyre going to really change things for me, again happy to share what I can.
Sending lots of love, to you and your boyfriend, and to your mum.
I will speak from the perspective of a long time anxiety sufferer. When I was younger my mother had to stay with me very often because of my anxiety, after that both my partner and friends also took on this role. While I was very grateful to them at the time in all honesty it didn't do me any favours. As I've gotten older I have come to realize that I unconciously chose the people around me, they were all "carers".
I'm now a mother and I would never expect my daughter to give up her life to stay with me. I won't bore you with my life story but all I can say is that there comes a time when one has to take responsability for oneself.
I would speak to your mum, tell her that you love her but that you also need to go ahead with your life. Offer her all your help BUT to change, not to stay the same.
Have you ever read Claire Weekes? You could maybe get a book and read it together?
Good luck x
Sorry for any mistakes English isn't my first language.
hello im so sorry for your situation and can sympathise from both sides but it is very important for you to live your life as well,your mum needs help and must be willing to help herself to. Sometimes anti depessants arnt the answer i take a very low dose beta blocker which helps,your mum should talk to her gp,maybe a counselor you must get to the underlying issues to go forward and this is just a suggestion but i got two little dogs and they have helped no end to aleviate my anxiety. of course i dont no your circumstances but i would say help mum as much as you can but ultimatley you need to live the life a head of you its your life and you may end up resenting mum if you dont all the best pauline
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Sad / drama / need to vent 
I want to encourage people suffering w panic and anxiety 
