Abusive stepmother pt. 2

So, I confronted my dad last night about the abuse I went through when I was younger. I talked to him over the phone. I told him that the person he's married to is a monster. I told him she had done cruel things to me behind his back, in his own home. He seemed a little surprised, to say the least. He asked me if we could talk in person, I said most definitely we can. I'm expecting to see him in the next couple of weeks some time. I'm glad I finally got the courage to talk to him about this. I feel I'm doing the right thing by coming forward with this. I know my father doesn't want to hear that his wife is a terrible person, but its time he knows the truth.

[daisy-17]

I am so glad you found courage to tell your dad, you needed to do this. Let us know how it goes.

[Hidden in reply to daisy-17]

Thank you so much for the support ☺ I'll definitely keep ya posted. It is something I had to do, couldn't let it eat at me forever.

[daisy-17 in reply to Hidden]

You had to get it off your chest. I hope it goes well for you I really do. The evil witch will most probably deny it but stand up to her your grown up now she cant hurt you anymore. X

[Hidden in reply to daisy-17]

Thank you very much. I will let you know

[Agora1]

ElliottParker, I am so happy that you got to talk with your dad about the abuse you experienced with your stepmom. It took courage to come forward. The fact that your dad now wants to talk with you in person is a good sign. He could have just hung up on you but didn't. As surprised as he may have been, he is entitled to know how the woman he married treated his most precious gift, a child. I hope now that you have opened up to him, the truth will come out and he will be able to accept what he hears. My best to you. You did the right thing. x

[Hidden in reply to Agora1]

Thanks you so much! 💜 I feel I made the right decision, even though it was hard to make. I was surprised to hear that he wanted to speak in person, I kind of thought he'd brush it off. So hopefully he'll follow through and see me.

[Agora1 in reply to Hidden]

ElliottParker, good luck dear. My thoughts are with you. x

[Hidden]

Dear ElliotParker,

You were able to gather the courage to speak to your father about his wife's behavior toward you. That was not easy. Now that you have opened the door to speak with your father in person, you may need to prepare your discussion with him not in a confrontational manner as you stated you did in your telephone call. Calling his wife a monster back into a corner. Keep in your mind why you are talking with him and what you want to achieve.

My best wishes in you meeting with your father and hopefully establishing a closer relationship with him. But don't expect him to leave his wife or to choose between you and her. His relationship with her is very different that your past relationship with her.

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

I completely understand. I've thought about what to say and how to react to him with whatever he may say. I don't expect him to leave her, although i wish he would. She's not good for him. She's just not. All i expect from this, is for him to listen. I need to be heard. I need some closure. I know he loves my step mom, but he needs to know what kind of person she is. Someone has to tell him.

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

Before I reply further, thank you for sending such kind words to me regarding the death of my best friend, Scooter the service dog.

About your meeting with your father, I am going to suggest a couple of things. First sit next to him, and not across from him. Men are often more comfortable in that position when talking to other men...it's a male thing to avoid appearing challenging. (Think about how they sit on benches next to one another in sports, gym, etc.) That is something learned from mediating legal matters.

Secondly, remember you are doing this to basically ventilate and have the satisfaction that he is finally listening to years of pent up hurt, anger and frustration, but you don't want your father to think you are simply meeting him to dump on him or make him feel guilty.

You might say that you felt the two of you needed to talk about this, and ways to mend fences between the two of you.

Thirdly, do not use any nasty name for his wife, just use her first name....take the high road. Don't try to convince your father she is the horrible person you feel she is. For better or worse, they are married. How he deals with her after hearing your information is between him and her.

And lastly, concentrate on your goal to be closer to your father and ways the two of you can work on that together. Leave his wife out of it.

Even though you believe she is terrible for him and he should divorce her , don't try to convince him of that. That's his decision to make and will do so if and when he is ready. You don't want him to feel he must choose between the two of you. If someone is going to be the "enemy" in his eyes, let him decide it be her, not you. at may take time.

You may have to learn how to live with her being in his life. He may have to learn how to juggle both of you successfully in his life.

My best wishes for a good relationship with your father. xoxo

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

Thank you for your words. Much appreciated ❤☺

[Peacewithin1]

Wow I'm happy you found the courage to talk with your Dad about. I was also abused by my Dads ex wife as a child a long with my brother. I won't go in to detail because the things she did is disgusting but anyways my brother finally told my Dad when he was about 11 and she denied it but my Dad knew it was true and divorced her. During the divorce her true colors started to show.

[Hidden in reply to Peacewithin1]

Oh wow. I'm glad your brother spoke up! And that's good that your dad divorced her! I'm sorry you had to go through that ❤ step moms can be evil.

[Peacewithin1 in reply to Hidden]

Thank You! Yes he told a guidance counselor and they had a meeting at our school with us and our parents and that's how we were able to get it out. She would always say if we ever told she would kill our Dad in his sleep so we kept it in for many years out of fear. I'm sorry you had to keep that in for so long let alone go through it! I hope your Dad is understanding. Good Luck.

[Mireyaozzieg]

How many years did you keep that inside because my abuse first started with tutor and I waited 25th years to actually tell someone.

[Hidden in reply to Mireyaozzieg]

Its been 18 or 19 years. My real mom knows a little bit. But my dad knew nothing. I've talked about it in therapy, but it never helped.

[Hidden]

Don't be surprised that she fills his head full of lies about you.

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

Oh I'm sure she does. She's a sociopath.

[Hidden]

Good for you i had to have a talk like that to my dad also but he was the abuser it took time but we actually mended alot of issues and we got real close again before he died hope all works out for you please keep is updated

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

That's really good that you talked it out and had a chance to bond a bit. I'm sure very relieving for you. I will definitely let you know how things go.

[Ravenhoney]

Wow what courage. 😊

[Hidden in reply to Ravenhoney]

Thank you! That means a lot ☺ I'll keep you posted on the outcome of this all.

[Ravenhoney]

Please let us know how it goes.