I feel like I am losing myself

I had a couple of good days last week, but now I feel as bad as ever again. The tight feeling in my chest won't go away I want to cry and feel very sorry for myself. Hubby made a big effort yesterday and took me out for the day, but I was just going through the motions. Doing things I should do rather than wanting to or enjoying them.

Given a choice I would go to bed and stay there, but I have to force myself on. I have responsibiles two elderly parents who need attention every day, a job which I used to love. I now dread going to work and count the hours into I get home. I have a hubby and a house to look after. I am feeling very sorry for myself today, the sadness is taking over and I feel sick with fear and dread.

I love my hubby very much but I do think of leaving him, I think I would be better on my own shut away somewhere. Then I remember when I was on my own and I was still miserable. I am constantly looking for a solution and doubt I will find one. It just want it all to end.

5 Replies

  • Hi Tara

    Sorry you are feeling like this, it's not nice.

    I know what you mean about leaving and understand, I am on my own and would love someone to be around, I think because of the way we feel we always think something else is better for us.its easy to think you would prefer one thing to another, now I'm on my own I would love someone there I miss that so much. It's good that you know what it was like on your own as its not nice sometimes and a good man seems hard to find these days.

    Your feelings will pass, I was great yesterday and today feel a little low again.

    I wish you well and hope you feel better soon....

    Sue xx

  • Hi Tara, Sorry to hear you are feeling low today, cant offer much help, but am thinking of you.. Agree with Sue, we often think a different situation would be better for us, but we'd most likely still feel the same. I think those of us who have responsibilities are lucky in a way because it does force you on. Please try and accept that we will all still have bad days, and the good days will come again. I keep saying to myself when I feel down, "This too will pass". x

  • Hi Tara So sorry to hear your struggling after having a good day you come down to earth with a bang thats the hardest to deal with. You wanting to go a bed and stay there is not going to help you unfortunately we have to keep being positive and fight what we are feeling. I do this constantly thinking this anxiety panic attacks is taking over my life if i allow it and i want to get back to being the person i once was.

    I understand what your saying about you would be better on your own but trust me being lonely is a curse heard this so many times before.

    I know what you are talking about when you talk about elderly parents i look after mine and they are in their 80's and its very difficult especially when your coping with your own problems.

    Have you not got any family or friends to help you through this bad patch as this can take some of the pressure off you.

    Although your having a bad day today remember tomorrow is a new day and i am sure you will find a solution. Are you taking any medication or seeing a therapist to help you.

    I really feel for you and can read between the lines how upset and low your feeling at the moment.

    Please stay positive and hope you find peace. There is light at the end of the tunnel just take baby steps which will help God Bless

    Love Seyi xxx

  • Thanks everyone, I am worried about my mum who isn't too well. She will be 80 this month, I am an only child so there isn't really anyone else to help out. I have spoken to hubby and he was kind but doesn't really understand my anxiety. He suffers from depression but manages it much better than I do, and doesn't understand my irrational fear.

    Today at work was ok, felt like dream because I couldn't concentrate. I feel numb at the moment and fighting the urge to go to bed and hibernate.

    I am not taking meds, just St Johns Wort. I have had therapy and CBT in the past but both concentrated on why I am like this not really how to get better.

  • hi tara,how long have you been taking st johns wort,i hope you dont mind me asking,but i was thinking of starting it,and would like to know,when to take it,how much,and if theres any side effects.also do you feel it is good for anxiety..any information would be appriciated.xxxxxx

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