I Feel Embarassed asking this... - Anxiety Support

Anxiety Support

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I Feel Embarassed asking this...

kama24 profile image

This is not new to me, it's been 6 years dealing with severe anxiety. Yes, I've done the route of CBT, physco therapy, & medication. I am at a point where I feel like I can't go on anymore. Every morning I wake with the feeling of overwhelming FEAR! Of what? my family asks. Just FEAR that something bad is about to happen, short of breath, may pass out, death. Every morning!! I try so hard to talk myself "brave" but to no avail. I am fed up with myself and just want to give up. I am so scared. Nothing helps. The FEAR eases off for some reason in the early evening only to reappear as soon as I wake the next day. Does anyone deal with daily FEAR? It is difficult to put into words. I'm desperate and now often think I'd be better off if I did die (although I am terrified of the thought). I'm sorry to rant. Just in hope someone has some sage advice for me. Thank you.

41 Replies

Hi You are definitely not alone in this. Fear is one of my biggest issue. I don't know how old you are but I've been read a lot about women who are going through peri menopause who frequently have this same symptom. Hormones! Even if your not peri menopause you could have a hormone imbalance. Sorry I don't know the fix . I'm waiting to try some estrogen. Hang in there and don't stop looking for a solution.

kama24 profile image
kama24 in reply to April7

Thank you for taking the time to reply. I am 73. I've suffered anxiety at different times over my life, With age it has gotten worse. I try so hard not to think about death and ill health but its to no avail. I really would like to enjoy what is left of my life but the daily FEAR stops me in my tracks. It's worse when I am alone. All we can do is take it one day at a time and hope that eventually our brain will overcome the fear.

Dixie9326 profile image
Dixie9326 in reply to kama24

I’m 74 and feel the same way you do….wanting to enjoy the rest of my life but living in fear of the “what if’s “..I try every single day to stop thinking of the worse possible outcomes but not succeeding.. I ride my bike everyday, 8 to 10 miles,do stretching, balance and light weights a few times a week, ride horses with my daughter whenever l I visit her, but I when I get home and have a new ache or pain, I go directly to a catastrophic diagnosis..I have so many symptoms everyday and get so caught up that I barely recognize myself anymore..I’ve had blood tests and scans which are all okay..but I still spend my hours in the worst case scenario..I’m a retired Emergency department RN and can help others but can’t help myself.. I have a very caring daughter and a husband that tolerates my crappy behavior.. I feel so badly that I make it so difficult for them watching me practically destroying my life with worry..I feel so badly for you too, it’s a battle every single day and with our age factor we need to enjoy every moment…but it seems to be impossible..:(🤦🏻‍♀️😍🤦🏻‍♀️..

Keep on keeping on and we’ll try and beat this together:) As you said, one day at a time and maybe we’ll discover calm in our lives:)🥰

kama24 profile image
kama24 in reply to Dixie9326

I can relate to all you said. I admire that you keep active physically. That is something I have never accomplished. I too have a husband and daughter who try to understand and support me. I have "what ifs" daily and yes, my mind goes to the worse case cenerio if I get a new symptom. I tried a CBT course as well as group therapy yet here I am still my biggest problem. I often wonder why I bother to take medications yet wonder how much worse off I'd be if I quit them! I find the FEAR tends to be worse if I am alone at home. One day at a time is now my motto!

Dixie9326 profile image
Dixie9326 in reply to kama24

I feel like I’ve tried everything too and no one else can help..it’s me pushing through it one day at a time.. it’s a battle every single day and it is exhausting..I’ve exercised my whole life and I don’t dare stop..even days that I’m in tears I get out on the bike and feel a little better afterwards for a short while…and then it starts all over again….it’s bad being an RN and knowing what some of these symptoms could mean and I always assume that’s exactly what it is…the worst case scenario….I try so hard to keep busy but all I really want to do is lie down .. I’ve had a knee replacement and have pain all over, supposedly from arthritis !!! I feel like I’m dying every day:(:(:(. But I keep putting one foot in front of the other and keep on keeping on..🤷🏼‍♀️Good luck with your journey..we all know we’re going to die someday of something but to ruin every day that we have left is just awful..!! I can’t figure out at all why we do this…bad wiring of the brain..!!!🤦🏻‍♀️🧠..

I have an absolutely wonderful life, friends , family and a beautiful home and no money worries…just health worries:(:(:(. This sucks big time!!

kama24 profile image
kama24 in reply to Dixie9326

I totally understand. We have all that we need and want, except control over our anxiety (FEAR). I'm about to attempt to go out in the car by myself to pick up a prescription. Who'd ever think it was such a stressful thing to do!! I'm going to make myself do it though I help with a local animal rescue doing small auctions on line.....to keep busy. I get so angry at myself that I can't control fear. I have watched youtube videos on controlling anxiety. Sure they make sense but why don't they work on me? All I can hope for is that one day I'll wake free of FEAR and get on with what is left of my life. I hope the rest of your day goes well. Take care.

Dixie9326 profile image
Dixie9326 in reply to kama24

I suggest you push and try and do things that you’re afraid of.. I make plans with my husband and friends to go out a few times a week..every single time I’m upset that I made the commitment…I’m shaky and fearful getting dressed, slight nausea and feelings of dread…I do it for my husband and go out and put on a happy face.. I have not shared with these friends about my issues…I’m a regular Mrs. Jekyll and Hyde:(I’m usually okay and have a good time and then the next day it starts all over again . Unfortunately It’s not just going to disappear …We have to Push and push through the 😨 fear..Good luck:) Easier said than done!!! 🤦🏻‍♀️🥰

kama24 profile image
kama24 in reply to Dixie9326

I actually drove alone today to the drugstore & pet store. I haven't driven alone in a year! I came home and took the dog for a walk....alone. I never do that because "what if....." but I did it. We will see how it works out at Christmas when we go up to our daughters for 3 days. I'm guessing I'll wake tomorrow with the same FEAR but at least today I can say "I did it!!!"

Dixie9326 profile image
Dixie9326 in reply to kama24

Congrats :)🥰👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻🥳🎈🎊..GOOD FOR YOU!! Don’t worry about tomorrow or Christmas trip……you excelled today:)👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻.. one day at a time, one step at a time:):):)

Push, push, push…Maybe we both can beat this demon:)

Dixie9326 profile image
Dixie9326 in reply to Dixie9326

Very, very proud of you:)👍🏻👏🏻👏🏻..What kind of dog do you have? We have a Pitbull that we rescued 7 years ago..The kindest most loving dog ever:)🥰🐾🐾🥰

kama24 profile image
kama24 in reply to Dixie9326

We adopted a 9 yr old Lhasa Apso a month ago. After we lost our two 15 yr old pets the emptiness got to much for me. This little fellow has fit right in, a real snuggle bug.

Dixie9326 profile image
Dixie9326 in reply to kama24

It’s the worst part of having a dog, the loss is overwhelming..so sorry for your loss.😢😢😢..My dog Soldier makes my heart happy and helps me through everyday.. he was picked up in Louisiana on Veteran’s day, hence his name..he was all scars and opens wounds, one ear dangling off that had to be amputated . We had to have five broken teeth extracted and he was positive for heart worms…he’s had a few major health problems this past year and we have spent over Twenty thousand on specialty Vets , he’s worth every penny..

We don’t know his age but his muzzle and around his eyes are now grey so he’s probably between 12 and 14.. He wasn’t young when we adopted him!!

He’s the one thing in my life that comforts me:)🥰🐾🐾🥰..

So happy you have a new therapy pup, it helps:(😍

kama24 profile image
kama24 in reply to Dixie9326

Dusty belonged to a 96 yr old gentleman who found he could no longer take care of him. We heard about him through the animal rescue I work with (we are all volunteers). It is very tramatic when your pet passes. I still get crying jags. Dusty fit right in from the moment we brought him home. I am so glad you were able to rescue your dog. What a horrible life he must of endured. My heart breaks. At least now he is in his furever home!

kama24 profile image
kama24 in reply to Dixie9326

Even my dog was proud of me!! lol

You’re not alone in this. I had terrible morning and night anxiety. Have had panic attacks and anxiety my whole life. Horrible insomnia. Long story short.

My new Primary Care doctor put me on Estrogen. I’m 66 and had a hysterectomy in 1986.

Within 1 month that morning and evening anxiety went away (a bit at a time) A lot of aches and pains went away and I can sleep now.

I pray you get some type of relief.

In the meantime when I’d first wake up it helps to be fully awake before you get up. Stretch as much as you can.

All of us have been through living hell the last few years….nothing is normal in these times we are living in. Hope you get some relief.

kama24 profile image
kama24 in reply to Attipay55

Thanks for taking the time to reply. I was on hormone replacement therapy for many years but at that time did not have the FEAR. I feel so alone with this and no one understands. At least now I know there are others who have walked the same path. Thank you.

Forgot to mention. I’ve had a near death experience and there I nothing to fear about dying. Not suggesting to try it but I’ve read up on experiences since that happened in 2003.

Hello Kama, it always saddens me to hear people suffer like you do. But as April has said you're not alone in this struggle. I'm currently undergoing some severe anxiety issues as well due to some unresolved childhood trauma, loss of my mother a couple of years ago that I haven't gotten over yet as well as being separated from my wife after 17 years of marriage. I also feel like my life is falling apart and I'm desperately looking for psychologist which is not easy since COVID has now overburdened the system. However, I did start my journey to recovery by reading books, doing research and also watching quite a bit of youtube videos (e.g. TedX) about anxiety and there is definitely some interesting stuff out there that is of possible help to you. Here's one TedX talk that I particularly liked: How to stop feeling anxious about anxiety | Tim Box & here's a book I recommend: Eckhart Tolle "the power of now" where he talks about concept such as anxiety, fear, pain body, etc. very interesting stuff. He also has a bunch of videos online as well. As far as my own anxiety goes for me it's also the worst in the morning right after I wake up. I believe it has to do with the fact that when we finally manage to fall asleep after an exhausting day of worrying & anxiety, that's when I mind finally comes to a little bit of rest. But when we wake up in the morning, we are the most vulnerable (meaning our defenses are down) and then the attacks start, and they are usually feel pretty ferocious since again we just woke up and are at our most vulnerable state. You mentioned in the evening hours your fear begins to fade that's because you had an entire day of dealing with the situation but at night your mind resets and in the morning is ready to be attacked again. Please watch the video link I sent you because the gentleman there is talking about how to change your fear from being an enemy to you into a friend - some really radical concepts that I haven't heard like this before. Also, you should start practicing mindfulness as well, things like meditation can bring you back into the present moment and maybe you can start seeing the world from a calmer perspective. I hope this helps you. If you get anything out of it I also wouldn't mind staying in touch with you. Maybe we can go on this journey of recovery together. You'll be in my prayers tonight.

Blue4567 profile image
Blue4567 in reply to rhonevalley

Please keep me in your prayers as well. I hope that we will improve. I tend to get better and then go down again like a roller coaster. Its just very exhausting. Sometimes I just wish I could walk for miles and miles. Walking usually helps control my symptoms.

kama24 profile image
kama24 in reply to rhonevalley

Thank you for taking the time to reply. I will certainly google the youtube video you mentioned. I have tried so many possible "helps" all to no avail.....yes, a course in mindfullness, deep breathing, medications, listening to music, seeing a physco therapist bi weekly, meditation, you name it. The physciatrist I see occasionaly once said "the mind is the most powerful organ in the body!". How true! Our daughter says I should remind myself that these (the FEAR) are only thoughts, nothing has really ever come of them. Yes, easy to do but so difficult to maintain. The past 6 yrs have been beyond control. I feel very alone in this until I go on this site and read what others are suffering. I hope your journey to wellness continues.

Hello kama24, everyone I just happen to see this post and I wanted to say that I do experience a high anxiety/fear/panic every morning. Im not sure exactly why, my only guess is that I come out from not being in pain, no problems, just sleeping peacefully to open my eyes and confront the world and everything again. Why did it all became so hard. I’ve always been nervous and I always thought that when i became older and knew more that I will become stronger and more secure of everything. Ohh boy was I wrong, i feel weaker and more vulnerable. But as the day progresses it does help my anxiety subside.

kama24 profile image
kama24 in reply to Blue4567

I totally understand what you are saying. If only there was an on/off switch to our thoughts. I have tried so many things that "could" help but have yet to come out a winner. I found that as I aged it got worse! I tend to think morbid thoughts about death. I try to logic with myself but it doesn't help. I find going out or leaving home now "scares" me. Christmas will soon be here and we are supposed to go to our daughter's home for 3 days. Yes, I'm worrying about it whereas in reality I shouldn't. I guess all we can do it take it one day at a time.

Blue4567 profile image
Blue4567 in reply to kama24

I am concerned that my anxiety wont resolve as I grow older. I use to be a nervous individual, but the past years it has turn to anxiety. I’ve tried several things, some do work but its not a permanent fix. Walking for me has been a life saver but unfortunately I cant be walking all day. Spending time with your daughter will be fun specially during the holidays. Yes, all we can do is take one day at a time.

kama24 profile image
kama24 in reply to Blue4567

My anxiety has certainly got worse with age. All I want is to wake in the morning and not feel FEAR. I want to enjoy what is left of my life.

I use to have a major fear of dying. I realized that it basically amounts to having a strong need for control of which us anxiety sufferers are very big on. The reality is that we have no control over anything except for our next breath. What helped me deal with it was practicing mindfulness and learning to disengage with and never believe my anxious thoughts and also actively engaging dying. I took a class on the Tibetan book Living and Dying and started reading the obituaries. I realized everyone dies and if they can do it so can I. I think it's pretty common for those of us who are older to contemplate dying more than we did at a younger age. I personally believe that life is great here on earth so why would it not be as good if not better in the next life. For me, developing a spiritual life has been very helpful in dealing with dying and learning to love and accept myself and be more present. So I suggest doing what you can to face dying now, here's a website to start with: mindfulnessexercises.com/ho...

kama24 profile image
kama24 in reply to designguy

Thank you for the web site. I will have a read of it.

I also wanted to add that balancing your hormones, thyroid and adrenals can all affect your depression/anxiety as well as diet and sleep patterns. The older we get our hormones change so it's a good idea to get them all checked out and optimized. Our brain and gut are directly linked and affect each other.

The Fear of FEAR is crippling and I've read and done everything. The best thing to do is relax and Accept your fear and let it come ... it's just a feeling (I know not so easy) but I have also found some reprieve in Buspar a non-narcotic prescription. There's a book by Claire Weeks that's good but I can't remember the name she's written several. Good Luck! Stay as busy as you can that helps me and yes I'm post menopausal too and a good night's sleep is so few and far between...

kama24 profile image
kama24 in reply to Artyhype

Thank you for replying. Actually just yesterday I was talking to a close friend and I said I have a "FEAR of FEAR!" You are right, there seems to be nothing we can do about it, just "go with it'. I don't have it when I go to bed, but there it is upon wakening. This morning it felt like I was short of breath and going to pass out. It really makes me angry that I can't just stop it. I tried Buspar many yrs ago but I wasn't this bad then. Now I take Luvox and Remeron. I often wonder why I even take medication since I find very little help from it. I purchased the book by Claire Weeks a long time ago and read it, underlined certain paragraphs etc. It all makes perfect sense yet I still battle daily. I agree, it's best to try to keep busy with some in home activity!! I do sleep well at night thank goodness. I guess we just take it one day at a time.

Yeah when I'm calm I wonder why I get anxious. I'm glad you don't have it at night! I'll get it in the middle of the night or wake up too early... I listen to self hypnosis on my phone and that helps a little but nothing like a good nights sleep. I'm going to a counselor next week since I moved to a new location it's been worse but now I'm anxious about getting therapy! But I'll give it a try. At least we're not alone!

kama24 profile image
kama24 in reply to Artyhype

This morning I feel like FEAR has taken over my entire being. Lately I wonder how I can keep going like this, then the morbid thoughts really grab me! The physco therapist I see bi weekly tries so many suggestions yet nothing helps me. I guess my mind is very strong. My husband has been away all this wk and of course the FEAR is worse being alone. I am terrified of death yet I realize it will come to all of us. What a way to live. By night time when I'm in control, I too wonder why I'm such a mess during the day! Years ago a physciatrist did try hypnosis on me but I couldn't manage to relax enough for it to work. I hope you get some help from the therapy, Anything is worth a try! Now for me to make it through the rest of the day.

Artyhype profile image
Artyhype in reply to kama24

I understand that! one of my biggest fears is that something will happen to my husband because he's a calming influence but I also enjoy alone time to get to watch stupid shows he doesn't like, so do you have any interests like that? As you say anything is worth a try! We moved a year ago and changing doctors etc. has been really hard esp. since I'm phobic about Medical environments but we soldier on. I try to never let my anxiety hold me back but it's difficult. You're a brave soul too! Hang in there!

kama24 profile image
kama24 in reply to Artyhype

My husband is my "rock". He is always so positive and happy. He has several activities he partakes in and is out often. I work as a volunteer (the last 15 yrs) with a local animal rescue. I do on line auctions for them and have a on line yard sale as well. The FEAR from this morning has calmed but I know it will be back tomorrow when I wake. Our family dr. retired in June after 40 yrs. We are now without one and that bothers me. Walkin Clinics are now via telephone and if you do need to go to the ER is is often a wait of many hrs. to see a doctor. I'm glad I have my dog for company!

Artyhype profile image
Artyhype in reply to kama24

Oh Dear that would make me anxious too! Not having a regular GP would bother me ... it was hard enough switching finally as we moved last year. Well I watched the one YouTube video the one person suggested and I think that helped as I did get a full 8 hours sleep. I guess we just try to accept anxiety will never go away we just need to learn to accept it (so easy to say Geez!) I hope today is better for you!

kama24 profile image
kama24 in reply to Artyhype

I also watched the video by Ted Box. Like all others it made sense but it didn't register with my FEAR. There are over 11,000 people in our city without a family dr. It is a common situation it seems. A new day has begun and my constant FEAR is with me. I truly admire those who can over come it. My husband will be home tonight from his trip so I hope I will be a bit better tomorrow morning. He has also said that maybe I just have to accept it. I'm with you....easy to say! I read and see photos of people in horrible health circumstances and think "how luck I am". Self talk just seems to go in one ear and out the other. Let's hope one day we wake and say "yay I feel great, lets get on with it!" Have a good day

Yes exactly! I'll take the small victories so I hope you feel better later and tomorrow morning, fingers crossed! Does your therapist help or is it one more thing to be anxious about like performance anxiety? I had a wonderful therapist a long time ago but she has since retired and now I live elsewhere. I know self esteem is one of my biggest hurdles so if this new one makes me feel bad about myself I'll leave. My husband is so good at shrugging things off ... I was like that in my youth .. aspiring to be that way again. Well if our biggest health problem is anxiety actually that's not so bad right? (another thing I tell myself ;) That seems to be my biggest health problem so I keep telling myself it could be SO much worse. Wishing you a good day! One day at a time ...

kama24 profile image
kama24 in reply to Artyhype

My therapist is a very understanding woman. I have been having on line video appointments with her for about 5 months now. She has suggested many things, like on line videos, deep breathing, exercise, and various other things. although I try I have not been able to get any relief from them. My mind must be too set in thought. It doesn't get me worked up to talk to her. The physciatrist I see for medication is really just for that. He doesn't delve into talk or really get into conversation about what I feel or experience. I have been told they are just there to prescribe, you go to a psychologist etc if you need talk therapy. What irks me so much is the fact I am wasting time on FEAR and worry when I could/should be enjoying life. I simply want to be free of FEAR. Having no family dr. doesn't help as clinics are now all by phone. The ER is a nightmare! I took a CBT class a couple of yrs ago. Yes, it makes sense of your thoughts and offers the alternative of looking at situations etc. but here I still am.

I keep telling myself the same thing life is TOO Short to waste so much time being stuck in my head God Bless

Yes I deal with it everyday fear of going crazy fear of getting worse fear of having a panic attack fear of everything it’s awful I understand you

kama24 profile image
kama24 in reply to Xoxo33

Its got to a point where I find it difficult to explain exactly how I feel to my family. I am simply "afraid". I guess I'm afraid to live and afraid to die.

Xoxo33 profile image
Xoxo33 in reply to kama24

Yes understand you

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