The Man behind the name.

[TripV2]

This is a very meaningful post to me, I have been wanting to talk about this for a long time.

Most of you know me as Trip, now it is time for the real story.

my name is Terry I suffer from Depression, Anxiety & Panic disorder. But there was a time just like all of us where this was not in my life.

27 years I have been on this planet, growing up wanting to prove my self to the world! that the "FAT" kid at school could and would be known!

ok so things have not turned out how I planed them... I think a big part of that was that I planed them! and did not let life give me the chances, well I have had meany chances but have let them go as I have been focused on what I had set out to do.

This may not be the same for you this is just my view.

I have been in only 3 relationships and this is because Of what I believe in love is not something to be played with,It will make you or brake you and over time I have to deal with it.

I am a dad of two amazing little girls that mean everything to me, the hardest part for me is I do not live with them but I am still daddy to them and always will be.

i46.tinypic.com/20sgj1y.jpg

Not to long ago Just shy of 4 moths now I had hit rock bottom, there was nothing left in me, no fight,no fear,no pain and I wanted to end my life.

This day will stick in my head for the rest of my life for one reason I watched my dad cry!

My dad is not like me he can keep things inside and not show them.

I had never seem my dad cry until that day.

I had been with my Ex for over 8 years and she told me to leave! I did not want to as I did not want to walk away from my baby's but she said " you can walk out that door or I will call the police and have them take you out the house! that I did not want my kids to see as I would have done anything to anyone to stop me from being with my girls!

So I left £1000 pound on the shelf to make sure them had a roof over there head the next month.

Leaving me with £20 to my name so I put £10 in each of the girls money box's and kissed my kid's on the head and told them that I loved them and that I was sorry ( I am crying typing this as I still hurt for walking out that door from my kids )

I Put me head phones in and pressed play to the song that I didn't know at the time but it would save my life.

I walked to the train lines and waited for hours to do what I wanted to do and listed to the same song over and over again.

youtube.com/watch?v=j5-yKhD...(Not working as expected?)

I could not end the start to a new life!

It has been the hardest months of my life and I am much stronger for it!

I have an understand that I was not loved and my depression and anxiety was getting in the way of my Ex this is not my doing and I will never think I did not do my best, I did and i know it!

I am not on a good road and have been spending time doing the things I love for my that is Art!

i49.tinypic.com/a5jcoy.jpg was feeling low today and have do this picture.

There is light at the end of all the tunnels that we walk it is up to you to pick that path!

Trip

x

[Hidden]

Trip

Thanks for sharing this!!

A big hug to you from me.

Just off to see my therapist.

Catch ya soon

Sue x

[TripV2]

thank you Sue, best of luck.

Trip

x

[jpars]

I wrote you a medium-sized post and then the Internet crashed, so just to let you know I had tears in my eyes reading your story. You will help lots of people with your sharing.

J x

[Pickle165]

hay trip, i had a plan too and am no where near it what so ever, i was a completely different person to an extent and was quite determind. what happened i dont know i keep trying to think back to where i first felt overwhelming fear and the first thing that springs to mind is watching my dad hit my mum, as a small child it was very frightning. theres a song by christina perri called the lonely and she sings about how she feels the shell of a girl she used to know and thats exactly how i feel. i dont have children but i can only imagine how hard it is not to wake up with them every morning, you sound like a good dad and im sure they adore you no matter what the situation and when they are old enough they may even choose to live with you and secrectly resent there mother for breaking up the family. they are beautiful and total credit to you, be proud cos you made them!!!!!!! i like your artwork its quite artistic, dispaly it in your house so you can focus on the nice feeling you get when doing it. we are still only young i can hear my mum say, lets fight for a better future. x

[Hidden]

Hi trip, I can't get the tune to play, but I love your picture. I wish I could motivate myself to draw/paint again but I get everything out and just sit there staring blankly at a blank canvas with a blank mind. All I need now is a blankety blank cheque book and pen lol

Good for you for getting creative and trying to pick yourself up xxxx lots of love

[TripV2]

thank you for your comments i hope it was not to much to make people feel down ?

[Hidden in reply to TripV2]

What was the song mate, I'm so mosey, I know xxxxx

[donaf]

Hi trip uve brought tears to my eyes. Ur girls loce u and ur a grear dad. Wats the song called? As i cant c links on my fone for sume reason xxx

[donaf]

Hi trip uve brought tears to my eyes. Ur girls loce u and ur a grear dad. Wats the song called? As i cant c links on my fone for sume reason xxx

[jobrisley]

Hi Terry, Have you spoken to counsellor and if not, would suggest going to GP and ask to see one. Good luck.