After a lot of thinking I got to the conclusion that the core of our problem is our fear of dying. I know it's not a discovery, but after getting therapy for quite a while with CBT, I have come to the realization that psychotherapist train us to control the symptoms of anxiety and panic and not fear them, but they don't train us to not fear death and overcame the fear of dying on a daily basis, because death is inevitable and we all have to accept it as part of life. I know a lots of people that don't live with the constant fear of dying, they worry about other things but not death, the don't think about it and they don't want to think about it. Me I live with that fear almost every day, I control symptoms of anxiety but the fear of death it's in the background like a sentence, I could embrace every day and appreciate every minute, accept every symptom but I know I can't fool myself, death it's a fact of life and I have to learn to accept it without fear. But how? I would like your opinions in this matter and what makes you not to fear death or accepting it. Thanks for reading my post.
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star68
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There is a possibility you could die, that I could, that anyone on this forum could die right now.
A possiblity but not a probability, you'll probably die an old person in your bed. Medicine has advanced so much now that people are living to 100 years plus.
Even if those symptoms you fear where actually an illness the possibility you'll die from it is there, but you'll probably not die of it and be cured.
You are letting the possibility of death become a probability and getting carried away with it.
I could go outside, get in my car and drive off. I could possibly have a crash and die but I probably won't !!.
Fear of death is at the core of a lot of my anxiety and what is helping me right now is isolating the fear and addressing it. The way my counselor recommend doing this is first determining if the fear is spiritual, like what happens spiritually after death, or worldly, like what would happen on earth after you die. Ask yourself- Do you have a firm belief in what happens after death spiritually? And if so what do you believe will happen to you? Then ask yourself- Are you afraid of something that you think will occur with your loved ones, belongings, things left behind after you are gone? If so, address those things either verbally with someone or in writing, expressing your fears. Think here about things you would have a hard time saying out loud, things that might make you cry or tear up to say them or express them in writing. It helped me reconcile mine. Later as the anxiety continued, I realized (with counseling) there was more I needed to address, so there may be layer after layer of "stuff" and that's ok too. We are a work in progress and we really aren't finished with that work until we take our last breath. Get to work on what is underlying everything and start living your purpose more effectively!
An obsessive fear of death is very common amongst people experiencing anxiety disorders. It is only natural that people are concerned that they do not die prematurely.
However, when through stress, worry and overwork our nervous system becomes over sensitised one of the symptoms is that every small threat or problem becomes magnified ten times.
And for some people this means that the normal concern to avoid premature death is magnified ten fold and becomes the obsession that you are experiencing.
It's important to understand that so the obsession with death is seen in perspective. And the ultimate solution is that when you recover from anxiety disorder and your nerves lose their over sensitivity then you will no longer experience this exaggerated fear of death.
The way to recover from anxiety disorder is first to neutralise the problem that has caused you so much angst. This involves putting yourself first and probably taking drastic action to protect yourself from more stress, worry and overwork.
The second thing to effect your recovery is to stop continually frightening yourself to death. Because every time you feel fear you generate fear hormones that maintain your nervous system in a state if sensitivity.
If you can stop the fear then your nerves eventually return to normal and you recover. You no longer have the exaggerated fear of dying.
So I would say concentrate on healing the cause of your problem (sensitised nerves) rather than curing one of the symptoms (exaggerated fear of dying). You do this either by medications, talking therapy or reading a self-help book that has proved successful in helping others.
As far as dying itself is concerned it is worth noting that the several thousand people who have added their near death experiences to a website on that subject, all report very similar experiences: a feeling of euphoria and unconditional love that made most of them extremely reluctant to return to this vale of tears when they were told: "It's not your time yet, you have to go back, there are things you must do."
I think becoming a father has a lot to do with my fear of dying. It’s not so much dying...but dying at an early age and not seeing my daughters grow up. My biggest fear is someone else raising my children. That to me is scarier than death.
Yesss.. I have three children and I was in a major car accident may 10 2017 and I haven’t been the same person. I always fear I will leave my children with no one . Their father passed and I have been going threw health issues so my panic and anxiety is severe. I’m not afraid to dye and be with god I’m afraid to leave my children to early and leave them with no one .. they are so young .. thoughts run in my mind, willl they be good people , will they get split up.. horrible to think of those things when I should be enjoying them but I love them unconditionally and they need me.. I never really had thoughts deeply about theses things before the accident.. this journey I’m on has been real tough..
The irony of living in fear of death. I'm the same i think about it all the time and i'm only 41. I worry about how everything i do may affect my health. Is going to the gym a good idea when young footballers and rugby players die and they're fit as fiddles? Should i have that takeaway? Should i ride my bike cos what if a car knocks me off? All really pathetic but can't help think this way.
Almost everyone fears death, it’s wired into us, If we didn’t we would be dead already.
The problem is the level at which that fear exists within us at any particular time. The level of fear is the part that is irrational and that is the problem, not the fear itself but the level you feel.
This was also part of what drove my anxiety, I realise that my brain had gotten used to reacting in a particular way with regards to my thinking and I had created maps that led me towards anxiety attacks. This is how most anxiety works because it’s very nature is irrational...so don’t try to work at ridding your fear concentrate on lessening the fear.
The fear of death can be overwhelming if we allow it to be. It's normal that our minds ponder death and we ask, "What takes place afterward". I believe that it all comes down to faith.
If we believe that God sent Jesus to earth to suffer and die for the sins that we have committed, then we are saved and the kingdom of heaven is ours for eternity at the time of our death. Sounds easy right? Well......the evil one (Satan) will play mind games with us and tell us that we "aren't good enough" to get to heaven. He will attack us every chance he gets. But, the truth is that we don't have to be "good enough". We just need to believe that Jesus dies for our sins and has paid our debt so that we can have eternal life in heaven.
John 3:16 says: "For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten son, that whoever believes in Him shall not perish but have eternal life".
Hi everyone, your answers have been very helpful. My fear of death was felt different at different stages of my life. The fear of dying and anxiety started when I was 6 years old. My mum took me to emergency doctor because I couldn't breath I was so sure I would die. I was prescribed relaxants but my mother stopped giving them to me because I felt sleepy at school and couldn't concentrate.
Early teenage years I developed a fear of chocking while eating, one night the food went the wrong way and I felt I was chocking, after that I realized how quickly one can die chocked by food, so I was only eating purees and milkshakes to avoid chocking. I recovered from my fear of chocking and my mid to late teenage years were almost fear free, I was active going out with friends and having a good time. Then I became a mother, and my fear of dying became very intensified with thoughts about dying and not being able to look after my daughter, I had a pretty rough time, and the Claire Weeks books helped me a lots to cope with my fear. Then I had my son and while he was a baby the fears came back, and again all the questioning "what if I died" brought my anxiety back. It was a period of my life like a couple of other people mentioned in this post, you are afraid what is going to happen to our young kids if we are not there anymore, the responsibility is huge, and you cannot imagine anyone capable of loving, caring for them and protecting them as much a you do.
Then my kids have grown up and I still have anxiety but in a different way. I am getting older and I am approaching the age when anything can happen, there are people that die middle age and it could happen to me, but I was kind of controlling my fears through therapy for a few years.
Almost a year ago my mother dies and that triggered the mother of all fears. You realize that death happens to all of us and you have witness it to the person that gave birth to you and you loved so much. It's devastating to say the least.
Now I am trying to search for ways to believe in something like life after death but at the same time I think I might be fooling myself, that all these beliefs are to distract us from the fact that we all die and we become nothing. Does anyone have a faith in a religion or life after death that mitigates the fear of dying? Somehow I think religious people don't fear death as much as the non-believers. Saying that people in general don't like to talk about death and they don't want to think about it, it looks like the suppress the fear by no confronting it, it's an ability that people with anxious disorders cannot ridge. We are thinkers and analyze everything while people in general don't.
Star, you are in danger of spending your whole life thinking about death. What a waste. I've already explained the process whereby the tendency of anxiety disorder is to make us exaggerate small fears and concerns out of all proportion. But I appreciate that whilst knowing that may bring some reassurance it doesn't in itself rid people of an exagerrated fear of death.
I'm 75 but I spend 99% of my time thinking about life. I know what will happen when I hear the chiming of the hour and I pass to the light. One of the reasons I know is because I've read quite a few of those reports on the main Near Death Experience website. They are very reassuring. Energy cannot be destroyed only converted to something else. You have passed this way before and you will pass this way again.
Thanks Jeff 1943 for your advise. Like you said the exaggerate fear of dying can be triggered by different stressful situations that makes our already anxious minds more anxious hence the out of proportion fear of dying. To me what triggered the out of proportion fear of dying was the death of my mother and the suffering she went through before her unexpected death. I kind of allow myself to fear the fear because it's kind of normal when you lost a loved one, you start questioning your own death. Like you I am reading a lots about Near Death Experience and trying to convince myself that death is not the end. I will let you know how I get on
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