Close to getting better

[Kevin160]

I just feel myself soo close to the finish line but yet soo far away, these past few days i felt the best and worst ..i dont panic , didnt have a panic attacks in weeks , i just get anxiety that i try to not fear it , because whenever i get these waves of sudden anxiety when i remember i have A levels this year and i have to go through them and results day and all the panic i had last year

Im so so so proud of myself for actually not panicking when im alone

Im happy because i dont check my bp or pulse like before , as obsessively atleast

I can go out, do things and feel more free like before

Im hapy sometimes i feel like i can handle everything and get these sudden surge of confidence and power like there is no anxiety ..that are becoming more frequent

Im glad that i have so much knowledge about stress that these scary thoughts are harder to creep in , i dont know how but its harder to panic or worry like i used to

However some things i need to overcome or i wish would go away

Feeling like im going to die sometimes if i get a new symptom based on anxiety or i get sick ..

Fearing not being able to handle the pressure of school, my family, A levels and anxiety or a panic attack ..i keep feeling pressure so bad that i will crumble and panic and die soooo terrible, worst feeling ever i dont wish on anyone , whenever i think of something i suddenly get palpitations because my first thought is what if i cant handle doing something such as exercise,be excited,be afraid, watch scary movies , go on trips ..etc..

I hate feeling inferior to people and i only wish i was stronger mentally and not being phased by anything , being able to face anything like my family and friends, i have friends who dont worry about the anticipations of results day , or when they have to have surgery or do anything and i wish i had more grip on my thoughts and being able to sleep well, think straight and not panic over having the flu or having a headache

I would love not worrying about my health so much, whenever i eat something fatty or sugary like cake , consuming sugar or fats make me think i will get heart disease and you get the point ...i wish i dont worry about diseases or getting things that are sooo unlikely to happen when taking medicine or going to the hospital etc..even if there was a friend who had a problem, i would worry more than them about it which is sooo screwed up

I wish i could set goals and do them without fear or feeling depressed because my anxiety gets in the way, for example i want to learn español, travel, etc.. but involuntarilly i think immediately think about my anxiety and i feel discouraged about anything ..because i dint want to think about the future and what if i die before i do anything and achieve things

I wish i would stop worrying about anything that doesnt even affect me , and worry about things such as when i think about something and i start experiencing it , such as synptoms , situations , feelings etc,

I have alot more but i wish i would only be able to see the beauty of life, or atleast see less sadness and fear in life, to me life is scary and when i have anxiety i hate to see where its going ..my problem is that my thoughts go immediately to death , death anxiety is the worst because atleast health anxiety doesnt always make you feel like dying, you worry about things that are not necessarily dangerous or fatal such as appendicitis , but death anxiety everything you fear makes you feel “it will kill me” and that discourages you from everything because for us dying is basically the end ...so i cant calm because thats the only thing i dread for now being sooo young and yet not achieved anything ...again this is just expressing my feelings, not in need for advice im fine , but i just cant catch any breaks, my anxiety is mostly constant ;( and has been for months , except the last month it was amazing i need to get back to that level and even better

[a_work_in_progress]

Sending hugs

[Kevin160 in reply to a_work_in_progress]

Thank you so much ♥️♥️

[Hidden]

hi. .you are better than before..and it does keep getting better...each moment is the best..24/7...happy journey

[Kevin160 in reply to Hidden]

Thank you so much .. currently im having a setback but still im seeing myself calmer than before and being more rational when dealing with stress and anxiety..thank you for the support ♥️

[Hidden in reply to Kevin160]

your doing great..

[JAYnLA]

You actually sound like you're doing great. Not kidding.

[Kevin160 in reply to JAYnLA]

I really hope so ..im having a setback right now but yes i think you're right ..some point i feel hopeless ...but sometimes i feel like i can take on anything and i feel super calm and strong but depends ...anyway thank you so much ♥️♥️

[CatIsMyCopilot]

This is super late, but I wanted to say that I really related to this part:

"I hate feeling inferior to people and i only wish i was stronger mentally and not being phased by anything , being able to face anything like my family and friends, i have friends who dont worry about the anticipations of results day"

I also feel very guilty when I think about other people who don't have anxiety issues. Having anxiety makes me feel like a weak person. I don't have a lot of advice to give, but I just wanted you to know you're not the only person feeling this way.

[Kevin160 in reply to CatIsMyCopilot]

Well this will sound weird , but actually everything terrible that happened to me this year , especially mentally and emotionally made me a much better person , i always struggled with anxiety but never this severe to do anything about it , earlier in the year i hit rock bottom , and reached a point where i thought that im not going to get better , but time really heals , and im not saying that i still dont get anxiety attacks every now and then , i wrote that post 4 months ago but my results are next week , i went through alot this year and me facing my fears and realizing my thoughts are only irrational made me a better person , IM GLAD i suffered all of this , i always thought i was inferior because i considered anxiety as a dissability , not knowing that in reality it made me much stronger in the end ..i still panic every now and then but it feels better knowing i dont need to resist it , accepting myself was hard but i really feel grateful having the knowledge and understanding that i have now that others with no anxiety never get ..

[Kevin160 in reply to CatIsMyCopilot]

I was so mentally down , that i was worried about facing my results before i took my exams , and i also reached a point were i realized nothing in life is really crucial to my life like i think , at the end its a certificate im worrying about , and everything will be fine in the end , i kearned to ignore my worst case scenarios because we dont cross the bridge until we get to it , i stopped worrying months prior , i started being rational , logical and accepting my anxiety , and this helped so much where i rarely get anxious, this summer was great and a couple days ago i started getting anxiety about my results ...