Can't take anymore.....

[Rachy17]

Can't take anymore of life, I'm at the end of my tether.

[robbie12]

{{{{{{{{{{{{{Rachy}}}}}}}}}}}}

Some hugs for you,hang in there.Would you like to pm me?

Very best wishes

[Rachy17 in reply to robbie12]

Hi, can do Robbie, thankyou for the hugs xx

[caseybrooke]

Hey, what's on your mind?

I know this might not be a comfort to you right now but a lot of us have been there and we are proof that it gets better.

I'm finally starting to feel back on track and in control of my life after 7years of this shit!. Are you seeing anyone or on anything?

I'll be thinking of you. X

[veganese]

Rachy, hang on there, it will pass. Most of us have felt despair like this, I know I have, particularly this week. Keep talking to people here, they understand and can help. x

[jadie]

Dear Rachy things do get better I have been there too so dark and awful PLEASE message me if you need to it is always best to talk to anyone but to talk, it makes things easier big hugs and kindness to you. X

[suffolkrelic]

Don't give up, you've got friends on here who care about you. Things are bad at the moment but you have so much to live for and enjoy. Things will get better!

[brisbird]

Hi Rachy, dont give up every day may feel like a battle but you will win the war one day.Be strong dont let it beat you.

You cant stop the waves,

but you can learn to surf.

Take care hun xx

[Hidden]

I am an older lady and have lived with anxiety and panic usually under control, I feel I shouldn't still have it at my age, but after a spell of personal loss and distress i really am in the middle of a difficult patch, I now have 30mg Mirtazapine each night (so far for 5 weeks) but recently have woken in the night and early then the brains starts again, wind up! .Has any one feedback on these tablets and will they help? I'm alone and that is also hard going. From helen

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

Hi Helen

I'm on mirtazapine 30mg at night and 15mg in a morning when I first started on them I slept soundly I woke briefly on a few occasions as the dreams were quite vivid but I went back to sleep. For some reason I then had a couple of weeks where I struggled to get to sleep and like you I woke up. I'm back to sleeping soundly again. I take my meds slightly earlier at night than I did previously and have a warm milky drink. Not sure if the helps you take care love eve x

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

Bless you Eve39 its such a comfort to hear your words. From helen

[Trip]

Hey Rachy17 first off I know how you are feeling I have been there and it was not that long ago, but please take my word on thins.. thins do and will get better.

We are fighting one of if not the biggest fight we will ever face in life and you have a chance to prove to yourself that nothing will stand in your way in life.

In life we get a second chance at 99% of the things we do, so that we can get then right and move to the next thing.

But life we only get one go at it, do not give up this one thing that in time we bring you so of the best days of your life.

Trip

x

[Hidden]

Hi rachy I know lots of people have already replied but if we keep repeating it you might just believe that you can and will get through this. We are all at different stages of this crazy journey but we don't leave anyone behind so come with us we are going to get you through this hop on board life is worth living.. You can't see it where you are now (I know I've been there) but you will love eve x

[bonkerswoman]

Hello Rachy-sweetheart. Sat on the stairs with the whole prescription in my hands because I couldn't take any more. If my friend hadn't turned up just at the RIGHT moment I wouldn't be here. Thank God she did because I now know I can take it. Look beyond this horrible patch. It will go away - quicker with help. My favourite quote 'life is ridiculous.once you accept that, you can start to enjoy yourself'. Honestly, I have been SO low at times (ask my poor suffering husband) and I still have enormous hurdles, but I do know now that the vile, jittery panics and deep depressions are just an illness which can be tackled. Take heart, darling (as well as the pills). xx

[Rachy17]

Thanks everyone for your comments. I really do appreciate them xx

Im still feeling awful, actually even worse. Ive got nobody and the people i do have dont care and are two faced. I'm just so tired of it all now....I really dont want to be here anymore.

[Rachy17]

Am feeeling worse, am homeless. My so called friend has kicked me out. With my boyfriend tonight and tomorrow poss, after that nowhere to go, HELP.

[bonkerswoman]

Why can't you stay with your boyfriend for longer?I don't know your circumstances, so it's very hard to comment, but you must call in at local social services if you need help with accommodation. x

[Rachy17]

Its complicated. But I cant stay there as his dads got alzheimers. Its hard enough staying there as it is. My other friends said can stay there a few days. After that dont know what i'll do. Am so anxious I cant deal with it x

[bonkerswoman]

You need to go to SS and try to get a permanent place to stay, even if you don't stay there long term. You need that bit of security before you can face other things. The friends who have offered a place must be telling you that not everyone is two-faced tho? Are you seeing a doctor?x

[Rachy17]

Hi, am going to the council a bit later and have rung council in the area i work. Waiting for them to get back to me. My friend im with now is fine, shes not two faced. I said the other one was because i read some texts she had sent someone, about me, not wanting me there etc, when to my face she said it was fine, i could stay as long as i needed. Then she turned on me. Really odd.

Im seeing my gp and psychiatrist soon. Am on fluoxetine which was changed recently. Am so anxious about everything. Im so worried whats going to come of me, where im going to end up. It really hurts that my mum appears not to care. It would be easier to go back there. She just wont let me. x

[Rachy17]

panicking like mad. Am so anxious. Spoke to my boss today, she wasnt very happy at all. Saying that ive had so much time off, its not good. I said i have got a minor op on the 26th, thats the day after im meant to be back at work, so wont be able to go back then. Am sooooooo worried. I didnt like her attitude and was trembling like mad when on the phone. My hands were shaking. Massive anxiety. Then she said i would be getting another letter from them about my sickness and absence. Dreading what its going to say. That ive got to leave? Ive just been offered a flat from the council, in the borough i work as im a keyworker, now im prob going to have to turn that down. My life just gets worse, not better. My anxiety has been so bad that my backs flared up again. Its just a viscious circle. Am actually homeless now, staying at my friends. My mum doesnt want to know. My boyfriends at the end of his tether. Life just doesnt feel worth living anymore. Im absolutely broke aswell. GODDDDDDDDD cant go on.

[fadedlizard in reply to Rachy17]

Oh darling - what a nightmare. I don't really know what to say to help. Think probably take the flat on offer even if you have to move again soon. It will give you some breathing space which you sound in much need of. Do not give in. Keep shouting for help. You will get through this.

Am holding you in my thoughts.xxx

[Rachy17]

thankyou faded lizard. Im just in such a mess. Ive asked my boyfriend if he can help me to get this flat, i dont think he will Got no one else to ask. Just feel stuck. Just been doing a benefit thing, may be entitled to some. Hmmmmmmmm dont know what to do xxx

[fadedlizard in reply to Rachy17]

Definitely checkout all you are entitled to - you deserve all the help you can get. Have you talked to someone independant like the CAB? Maybe they'd have a new perspective.xxx

[Rachy17]

have talked to them about being homeless before. Maybe i will. Ive been off work since october, with a bad back then my anxiety and depression kicked in again. Still got that and my backs been bad again Havent been back since and dreading having to. I dont know what to do. They dont want me there anymore i know it. That i need to think if jobs for me. Its worrying me now about this letter. Not much sleep for me tonight.. thing is aswell ive no money and have to keep topping u my phone. Its all a nightmare.. xx

[fadedlizard]

Try to get some rest, sweetie and then make a plan of action. Try not to think about work too much. Clearly at the mo you're not well enough to be there. you can cross that bridge when you get there. Be strong. You will get through this.xxx

[Rachy17]

i do want to.. I hate being like i am, and i feel no one understands me, that everyones had enough of me. Its not my fault im like i am. My backs really bad tonight, because im so anxious.. Just worried im going to lose my job. If i do ive lost everything xx

[Rachy17]

I really dont know what to do about anything anymore. I cant be here.

[fadedlizard]

Hi Rach,

Please don't do anything final. I know everything looks black at the moment but darling, it will get better.

Ring the Samaritans. Talk it through with someone. Go to A&E if you feel really unsafe. Tell them you are afraid you're going to hurt yourself and refuse to leave till you are a seen by someone.

No one should have to feel like this.

Keep posting.

Be safe.

Love

Lizard.xxx

[fadedlizard in reply to fadedlizard]

Samaritons number is 08457 90 90 90

[Rachy17]

REALLY black. I've had to pay out money for an exhaust today, now im broke. I know moneys not everything, but it worries me that i wont be able to go for a flat if no money.

Im worried sick about wednesday, got meeting at work, Think theyre going to tell me to leave. Im so alone. And cant deal with all my problems. I dont think i'll do anything, i dont feel that way, i just need help. Life is too hard. My mum doesnt give a shit, which hurts me soo much. Thanks for being there Lizard. It helps xxx

[fadedlizard in reply to Rachy17]

Thank you for getting back to me, Rachy. I was so pleased to hear from you.

I've been thinking about your situation. Are there any charities in your area who might be able to help and advise you? Up here there is a charity called Christians Against Poverty. Although it is a church based organisation anyone can access it and there is no religious pressure. They try to help sort out your financial problems but also use a befriender approach which gives you a dedicated case worker to help you. I have no idea if this is a national charity or if it would be right for you but I do think you would feel so much better if you had someone along side you through this difficult time. I hate thinking of you having to deal with so much all by yourself.

Keep in touch. I'll keep looking for your posts.

Take Care

Love

Lizard.xxx

[Rachy17]

thanks for that. Im currently homeless i may of mentioned it before. Im staying at a friends but she said when i went at first, i could stay for couple of weeks. Its now a couple of weeks well will be monday. I dont know where to go. I went to the council who said they may put me up in a b and b. Have to ring them i guess. Theyve moved me up a band. Another council have nominated me for a flat, but because i work for the nhs im a keyworker and its a keyworker property. Im going to have to turn it down now, especially if im jobless. Im so stressed, ive got a funny tummy. Im worried sick because i was living with my aunt, got evicted. She doesnt appear to be doing anything about getting somewhere and im in limbo. Shes buggered off to bournemouth. And my gran said she was thinking of moving there. I know its up to her, but i worry sick about where im going to go. All my stuff and its alot is in a storage place, my aunts paying for. What if she moves without me, what the hell will i do with it all. Im not working,off sick, due back on 25th, but got minor op on 26th so wont be going back. I cant go back. Im so anxious all the time. I was standing in a bookies earlier my boyfriend was making a bet on the national. god my legs were trembling like mad and my hands. I felt terrible. I cant even go into a shop or wherever. Im thinking ive got agraphobia now. I cant see that im going to get out of this rut. I honestly cant deal with it all. My boyfriend said i make him anxious.

GOD. HELP..

[fadedlizard in reply to Rachy17]

At the mo you ARE a keyworker who is ill and planning to return to work once you're well so I see no reason why you can't take the keyworker property. Having a secure place to live maybe all you need to turn the corner and begin to feel better. Keep your name on the housing list and then if you find yourself unable to return to work you'll know there are options for you.

I'm not surprised you're having panic symptoms, love. I think anyone would be in your situation. I understand that at a certain point you go past feeling anxious and just feel so ill. Try going back to yr GP too, explain all that is going on.

Somebody, somewhere WILL be able to help you.

Don't give up.xxx

[Rachy17]

Im going to see my psychiatrist this coming week. Hes the one who prescribed fluoxetine, im on 20mg. But i wonder if its making me feel worse. Ive got to go to gp as i need to know how long im going to be off after the minor op. Ive got meeting with work weds but i dont know if im going to get to gp before then. Worrying about every little thing its crazy. So worried what work are going to say. My backs hurting, think because im so anxious.

Dont know what to do

Thanks for your advice i do appreciate it xx

[fadedlizard in reply to Rachy17]

Talk to yr Psych abt returning to wk; whether he'd advise it, under what circumstances, etc. He'll be the one to know and you could ask for a letter for work. If work are pushing for you to make a decision ask to be refered to Occupational Health who will be able to advise you about phased returns or may even say that you are unfit for wk at the moment.

Please try not to worry. I know it's hard not to. I know in bad situations my worring becomes obessive and compulsive but it really is making you feel so much worse and is hindering your recovery. I appreciate how hard it is to break out of the loop though.xxx

[Rachy17]

been to occ health, a few weeks ago, he said i wasnt fit for work. Spoke to him yesterday and he didnt really say i should go back to work, He said how did i feel about it. I explained i was apprehensive. That i was worried about the meeting weds, Ive done phased returns before, my boss said it wasnt possible. She said last time i had meeting about going back part time. I said i couldnt really afford to. Then i got a letter about the meeting, it said id agreed to go back 2 days a week. I didnt at all. I just know their going to ask me to leave, it cant go on anymore..

Going to try and go to sleep now Lizard. Thankyou again for being there. I'll be back on tomorrow, anxious as ever i expect. xx

[Rachy17]

sorry, plus i think i may be down to no pay this month. I just dont know whether to try and go back after ive had the op...GOD xx

[fadedlizard in reply to Rachy17]

First thing first - get the op over with. Then think about what going back two days a weeks would be like. Fifteen years ago I had a full on breakdown, the effects rolled on for four years. I didn't really begin to get better until I went back to work. Just a thought ...

Try to get some sleep, love. Try not to engage with any worries that come to you. Just let them roll by. You need the rest.

Good Night.xxx

[Rachy17]

should i just tell them at the meeting again, that i hope to come back after the op. Even though im due back 25th ops the 26th. Been worrying all day, So anxious about everything Cant focus at all

xx

[Rachy17]

GODDDDDDDDDDDDD. I dont know whether to go to doctor before the meeting wednesday. Or just tell them that i wont be back until after the op. Dont know what to do. Im so worried.

[fadedlizard in reply to Rachy17]

Hi Sweetie,

Think you've probably come to a decision on this already but if not go to see your doctor first.

When you get to the meeting, tell them about your op, emphasise you are doing all you can to get better, having the op is part of that. Once it is over you can start to plan a phased return together.

Hope it goes well.

You're in my thoughts.xxx

[Rachy17]

Hi,

Been talking all day and yesterday to my boyfriend about what to do about everything. As going to view a studio flat tomorrow. Which i know is good. but im worried about it. If i take it it means ive got to stay at work, because its a keyworker place through the council. If i lose my job ill have to turn it down. So seeing it tomorrow, hope they let me decide weds after ive had meeting. Im doubtful about it because i dont feel that my employer wants me there and that they feel i should leave. I did mention to her the other day that i was nominated for a place, and felt positive about it, not that i do, I really dont know what to do. If i like it, im worried about money, petrol etc etc. But ive got to try and get back to work because i know my job is a good one. Its just hard with how im feeling and my anxiety and everything. Worrying sick about the meeting weds. My boyfriend said to go in and tell them im determined to get back after my op. Im not going to say anything that ive been to look at a place.I am soooooooooo confused about everything. Work have said before whenive had meetings, that i need to think if job for me. And last time that if it continues i may be dismissed. I feel really bad because i feel guilty of feeling like i do. I cant help it. Absolutely dreading it weds Got massive anxiety.. xx

[Rachy17]

bit relieved as havent got to got to meeting tomorrow. My boss rung me and said she couldnt understand the letter from occ health, and wants me to go back to the occ health consultant, who ive seen before. Which in itself is a pain because its miles away and im broke.

Went to view the flat today. At a total loss what to do. It was ok and would probably do me for time being, but im so stressed about money. I rung about benefits and am entitled to some, but ive got to let woman know either way tomorrow,, i cant afford to pay any money yet, until i get paid. I just dont know what to do. Am so anxious, have been all day. Was sick this morning because of it. Im worried my firends going to ask me to leave. She thinks i should go for this place. If i dont i dont know what ill do. Have to go to the other council and go to a b and b. Dont know. Am soooooooooo anxious. My boyfriends at the end of his tether with me. And said its up to me. I cant make the decision, i dont want my friend being funny with me. GODDDDDDDDDDDDD

[Rachy17]

God am going to take the miniscule studio flat. Dont know what im doing, just desperate. Am so worried about getting my stuff from my aunts storage. Worried about signing for thew place on monday, Everything. Was standing in mcdonalds earlier and my legs were trembling. I really was hoping the fluoxetine would help me but i dont think it is. Worried as seeing the psychiatrist friday.

So anxious..

[Rachy17]

been to psychiatrist today. Hes put me on pregabalin 150mg a day. I bloody hope it works. Anyone else on it? How have you found it?

Told him was probably moving and now being discharged. So unfortunately got to change psychiatrist when i move. And doctor. Which i dont really want to do but its going to be too far.

Am so anxious at the moment because i have no money at all, until pay day on the 26th. No one to help me. Dont know what to do, GOD i hope this new tablet helps. I feel like im losing everyone around me. Ive got no one. My boyfriend doesnt want to help me. Up shit creek..

[Rachy17]

stressing so much and extremely anxious and worried. Not a good combination. Got no money, managed to spend nearly all of twenty pounds that i did have today on what i dont know. Now got nothing until friday, even then i dont know how much if any pay i will be getting. SOOOO worried. Dont know whether to ring my boss tomorrow. Was due back on 25th or 26th, not sure But having minor op friday so wont be going back yet anyway. Its doing my head in. I dont know when i should be going back. I dont want to really, but now ive taken this flat ive got to. But im worried that they dont even want me back. They cant force me to leave can they.. Im fed up of feeling like this. Not being able to get to sleep because i cant stop thinking, constantly worrying.

Waffling sorry.

[Rachy17]

Dont know what the hell to do, am so anxious. Got council tax forms today, i just cant afford it and i dont know what to do

[fadedlizard]

Hi Rachy,

Just wondering how things are going for you? Hope you're ok.

Love

Lizard.xxx

[Rachy17]

Hi Lizard, how are you?

Things not any better went to see occ health dr on 30th april, suggested i go back to work on 20th. Absolutely petrified and dont feel i can go back. Rang my boss last week no answer so left message, hasnt got back to me, worried she doesnt want me back. Everything is stressing me out. Dont know if i told you im on new tablet, pregabalin, dont feel much improvement. Got to register where im living with new dr, dreading that. My anxietys been really bad. Worried about everything. Im in a studio flat now, decided to take it, anxious about whether ive done the right thing. Worried about bills and whether can afford it. Nightmare, absolute nightmare. Thats it in a nutshell.

Sorry, no good news Things no better

xx