I just discovered anxietyuk when searching for the Internet for a curse for me anxiety. A quick fix a magic pill that will make me feel normal again. Surprisingly I didn't find it. So here I am writing a blog to try and get some of the madness out of my head. I have been suffering from anxiety for over 20 years and I am forty now, actually I think I have been suffering from the day I was born.
I have a good life, nothing exciting, a nice job, loving parents, and a quirky but fun husband. Life ticks along but every now and again the dark cloud appears and my anxiety kicks in. It sonds like depression, but my doctor has told me I am not depressed after taking a quiz hmmmmm. Anyway anxiety is my biggest program I cold worry for the world, I life in a constant state of fear, sometimes it's bearable other times it takes over my life and I literally fall apart.
My latest meltdown is thanks to my neighbour who insists in playing loud music at ungodly hours. I have spoken to him and he does on occassion turn it down. Even when it is low is still stresses me out, because I have a fear it will get loud again and upset my husband who suffers from depression and he will shout at my neighbour and my neighbour will get angry and play his music louder and longer and and and...... This is how it goes my thoughts run out of control, my anxiety literally paralyses me with fear and I shut down.
Saying all this my neighbour maybe plays his music for 2 hours in a 24 hour period, which isn't too bad and some days he doesn't play it at all. But in my head I manage to worry myself into a frenzy, thinking the worse will happen, believe it or not I actually manage to get my thoughts so far fetched that my husband ends up having a heart attack. It's always worse cause Senario with me!
So I have decided to write my thoughts down and hopefully when I am having a sane moment I can read them and think, well actually you survived that episode. I really hope these small positive steps will help me.