New start as of today !

[Tara67]

I just discovered anxietyuk when searching for the Internet for a curse for me anxiety. A quick fix a magic pill that will make me feel normal again. Surprisingly I didn't find it. So here I am writing a blog to try and get some of the madness out of my head. I have been suffering from anxiety for over 20 years and I am forty now, actually I think I have been suffering from the day I was born.

I have a good life, nothing exciting, a nice job, loving parents, and a quirky but fun husband. Life ticks along but every now and again the dark cloud appears and my anxiety kicks in. It sonds like depression, but my doctor has told me I am not depressed after taking a quiz hmmmmm. Anyway anxiety is my biggest program I cold worry for the world, I life in a constant state of fear, sometimes it's bearable other times it takes over my life and I literally fall apart.

My latest meltdown is thanks to my neighbour who insists in playing loud music at ungodly hours. I have spoken to him and he does on occassion turn it down. Even when it is low is still stresses me out, because I have a fear it will get loud again and upset my husband who suffers from depression and he will shout at my neighbour and my neighbour will get angry and play his music louder and longer and and and...... This is how it goes my thoughts run out of control, my anxiety literally paralyses me with fear and I shut down.

Saying all this my neighbour maybe plays his music for 2 hours in a 24 hour period, which isn't too bad and some days he doesn't play it at all. But in my head I manage to worry myself into a frenzy, thinking the worse will happen, believe it or not I actually manage to get my thoughts so far fetched that my husband ends up having a heart attack. It's always worse cause Senario with me!

So I have decided to write my thoughts down and hopefully when I am having a sane moment I can read them and think, well actually you survived that episode. I really hope these small positive steps will help me.

Comments welcome

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Hi,I am a lot like you,little things,noises,thoughts, become major issues in my head.Like you,I don't know when all this began,it has probably been there for decades lurking in the back of my mind.I know that I have always been a worse case scenario person and obviously those thoughts are not good for anyone.My doctor seems as confused as I am and his answer is zopiclone but I don't want drugs,I want peace.I think the answer is perhaps therapy of some sort but I am a little sceptical about this,not a good starting point I feel but who knows.If I try it,I will let you know,take care.

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Hi Tara67

Welcome to the site...... people on here are fab..... I found it a couple of months ago and its great to know youre not alone in your thoughts...

Luv Kerry x

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Hi again! Your post has got me thinking now and thinking about neighbours!When my left side neighbour leaves her house she always slams the door,not only does it startle me but I think she does it to annoy me but that is just in my mind,she is a nice person and we get on ok.

On the right side is the neighbour who cannot close her car door quietly or even talk quietly!

Many little things wind me up or cause me to jump and I tell myself not to be so silly but it happens time and time again.When the phone rings,I jump,loud noise on tv,car doors slamming anything really.

Do you or anyone here have experience with any type of therapist,I would love to hear your opinions,thank you.

[Tara67]

Hi castelnaudry, I don't have noise anxiety most noises don't bother me. But noise is a trigger for my anxiety because I asociate it with problems because in the past things have upset me. My husband is very noise sensitive even someone talking loudly on the phone annoys him, so his reactions can trigger anxiety in me. I hope that makes sense.

Like I said before I have always been anxious, it started in school and carried on into my first marriage, divorce and it continues. My lowest point was during my divorce and I did have therapy, I can't remember what tpe of therapy is was but it was based on schemas. It got very deep and a discovered a lot of my problems came from trying to please my parents, being bullied at school and a general feeling on not fitting in.

I am a only child, and was brought up in a rural area. When I got married I moved into a town and found it difficult. I still have social alienation and isolation issues. So did therapy help, it made me look at why I have these thought patterns and my need to catastrophise. I believed if I thought the worst I would be prepared should that happen. Obviously I am not cured, here I am 15 years later and still fearful. But I know that I have coped before, I have managed to focus on being positive without medication. I struggle, most days are a struggle but on a good day I can work through it. Somedays the only solution is sleep, so I sleep. It's my bodies was of coping with the stress I put it under.

I would also recommend CBT, I did a course with my husband who has depression but he also has underlying un diagnosed autistic issues. It was referred to hm by his doctor, it's an online course and it takes you through steps to deal with fears and worries.

I really do think posing here is a positive step. x

[Tara67]

Hi Anne 64 ( Kerry) thank you for the welcome. It's good to talk to people who understand, when I try talkin to friends and relatives they think I just need to get a grip. I am looking forward to hearing other people's thoughts. X