Lack of Self esteem

Not really sure where to start.... I have always been an anxious person but started having real problems with it about a year ago. The stress of University exams pushed me to a point where I couldn't sleep, eat, or enjoy myself let alone study. I found myself sitting in lectures trying to stop myself having panic attacks or passing out rather than listening to the professors. I somehow managed to drag myself through it all and passed the year but the grade I reached is nowhere near what I wanted and what I know I can be capable of.

I'm now on a gap year working for an incredible company which could potentially really help my career after I graduate...but when I have days like today I feel nervous and dizzy and just want to go home and hide!! And even though I got myself this placement my self esteem is so low I can't seem to convince myself that I am good enough to be here with these opportunities.....I think this is what is holding me back the most, the lack of confidence and low self-esteem. It doesn't matter how many times someone tells me I'm doing well etc I just can't seem to believe it and end up beating myself up over tiny little things. It seems to take so many positives to make me feel better but the smallest negative thing brings me crashing back down again. I'm just really really fed up of fighting this all of the time, I've tried a lot of things, counselling, hypnotherapy, shiatsu, and soon i am starting CBT. But starting to feel that nothing is really ever going to get me through it,that I'm just always going to be this nervous anxious wreck with no confidence.

If anyone else has self esteem issues or you feel that you may have some advice in this area I would very much appreciate it.....

6 Replies

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  • Hi - I have been told by several psychiatric staff that I have low self esteem and one of the nurses went over some information about it. I got recommended books from the library and really didn't enjoy them. A hypnotherapist through Anxiety UK put it very succinctly - "it just means you don't like yourself very much" and I liked that explanation most.

    I am exactly the same as yourself when good things happen, I always think of everything that can go wrong thus removing any enjoyment of the positive event.

    I am really trying hard to talk/think to myself differently to emphasise the positive or the realistic, which is what CBT is about, but it is REALLY hard, for me anyway.

    So my suggestion for you is to work on just starting to like yourself no matter what (and I wish I could follow my own advice lol)

    Best wishes xx

  • Hi

    I have very low self esteem if any at all so know how you are feeling /.

    you are tright taht you have done really well i n order to get the placement . so pat yourself on the back ,

    i have had CBT etc but i feel that the people doing it are just not normal i know that sounds weird but they just dont knwo what they are talking about , or they knwo what they are on about on paper just noty with people ,

    you and jpars are so like me find it hard to see what we do do well ,

    only a thought but i now keep a daily record of things that i have achieved and even the littel things that i have done that day like stepping out the front door etc and i TRY really hardto focus on that not the negitive ,

    you want to talk me just let me know , hugs x

  • Dear KMLFG24,

    I felt or was immediately drawn to your blog with the words self estheem in the title.

    I have had self estheem issues or feelings of inadequacy for many years.

    I have been having(since sept 2011) and am still having councelling and I now feel as if there is something there which is nice about me or that there is a chance of something positive.

    I wish you well with the CBT.

    Kindest regards,

    Marcus

  • Thanks all for your comments, its so reassuring to know that others are feeling the same way. It doesn't seem to matter how good things are for me, to be honest at the moment in my life I have a lot to be happy about and hardly any reason to be miserable - and yet I can only focus on the negatives, and then because I know I'm being ridiculous I am then hard on myself and the self-loathing continues!!! I tried counselling for a while, and it did help as I felt I found the root of my problems and realised that my anxiety goes back a long way, but I'm hoping the CBT gives me a chance to move forward and actually start to enjoy everything! Fingers crossed. Wishing all you lovely people well x

  • Hi there

    I totally relate to your post and empathise....... I have always been a worrier, low self esteem and no confidence.... but in time I have accepted who I am, I know what I can do and what I cant do and try not to beat myself up anymore too much, or compare myself to others, its the worst thing you can do..... So, try and relax a little, accept who you are, and get through it the best you can with as much help as you can get.... Its not easy at times, but try not to put too much pressure on yourself.....

    Wishing you all the luck in the world..

    Kerry x

  • Most days for me are a struggle with self-esteem and confidence - particularly with work. One day I really have belief in myself, the next I feel as if I am totally incompetent and will fail at anything I try to do, especially technically. I am self-employed and some of the work I have done recently has been really impressing clients, however for example the first draft of something I did wasn't liked and I was really down for a few days, thought I'll never get anywhere, got no talent etc. It as, as your first replier mentioned due to not really liking yourself - but I think sometimes you can genuinely have 'self-loathing days' where no-one can convince you of your goodness. I was thinking about all this yesterday and trying to figure it all out. It's good that you have some positives to focus in, I feel in a bit of a career crisis and am wondering if what I'm doing will ever take off, or if I can really mix it at the top level. Time will tell, I suppose and my worrying won't really help things.

    Good luck with the CBT, I've done it - felt it useful but at the time for me it was only scratching the surface of my problems. Just doing that alone won't usually help major anxiety disorders.

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