How to overcome crippling low self esteem

Hi again. Can anybody give me tips on how to overcome low self esteem? It causes me so much anxiety and makes me overthink everything which gets me stuck in life. I have not achieved much in life because of this mental state of thinking small, of not knowing my worth. All the time😢 I trace it back to my childhood where i remember i was always compared to my older sister who was so much more beautiful than i was, and who was treated as the golden child by my dad and grandmother. People who saw us often made remarks about how different i looked from her, how she was so fair and pretty. Now i have come into my own, blossomed as a mom but the insecurity has stayed with me, it is so ingrained in me that i do not know if i can ever get rid of this. It gAve me an attitude that i am not good enough, that has hampered any kind of success that i can achieve in life. Too scared to try, too scared to fail, too insecure to be comfortable in my own skin, zero self belief and at the same time obsessed about what others are thinking about me💔💔💔 i was a great student but failed big time as an adult because of my attitude. How can i possibly start over at 43years old? Help me please the nights are the worst i cannot sleep when i think of how i am and where i can go from here. I have no job at the moment😢😢😢 dark thoughts come at night but i cannot be that selfish. It will ruin my children's lives for sure. Help pls💔


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14 Replies

  • Hello there . I myself suffered from low self esteem since childhood . I was very insecure , self conscious and that hindered me from a lot . This year I found that my mind is stuck in the past of what I failed to do and how I could of done way better . A lot of factors contributed to my low self esteem and I wish not to go in detail . Many if not most have to do with my childhood. I find it very hard to forgive myself and the biggest feeling is my regret of failing to try things and sell myself short . I'm learning self forgiveness and I tell myself that I didn't know any better it's not my fault . You deserve to forgive yourself and value yourself . Life is short and I'll tell you what I tell myself and I'm trying to learn , "everyday is a new blessing and a new opportunity to change something we don't like and improve . The past can't be changed but there's always room for improvement . You live and learn." I hope you find it in you to love yourself . You deserve it .

  • Thank you, May04. I really appreciate your reply and the help. Are you feeling and doing better now? I hope i do learn to love myself, flaws and all. And to focus on the good that is in me. I am oftentimes my own worst enemy and harshest critic. I do wish to live life more fully now and be present in each moment, without worrying about feeling self conscious or whatever. I don't want for life to just pass me by😢 Thank you again, it means a lot to hear from somebody who has been there.💖

  • I'm still dealing with it . I've notice slight improvement . I went on a mini vacation to "detox" all of my negative energies and I felt better afterwards. Now that I am back home I'm slowly trying to forgive myself and be at peace

  • Arianne91015, I think you have been blaming yourself for things that were not your fault for far too long. It was unfortunate that your family didn't give you the same attention as your sister but that doesn't mean you're a second class citizen. From what little I know of you your were a successful student, you know how to express yourself and I bet you're a good mum. That gives you three advantages over a lot of people for a start.

    Instead of concentrating on what you see as your past failings you should now cencentrate on your virtues and successes. It might be a good idea to write them down in a list you can consult when you're feeling low and add to in time. Doesn't matter how small some of these good things are to begin with, I've given you three to start with already.

    Nothing you have said makes me feel you are inferior to anyone else, you are the equal of all and better than many. Don't let anybody, least of all yourself, tell you otherwise. If I was standing in the same room as you could you see me? Yes, is the answer. Could you speak to me? Again yes. Could you cross the floor towards me? Yes again. Then you have everything you need to make a success of your life and achieve those things that will make you happy.

    Perhaps your biggest project at the moment is finding a job. No matter what kind of job it is find something that will give you some sense of achievement and that you will enjoy going into on a Monday morning. In time you can add it to your list of achievements.

    So stop concentrating on your past which you have no control over and remind yourself you are as good as anybody in this world and have precisely the same potential as them. You have every right to be confident in yourself and move forward to a better life which you can achieve because of your many talents, things that you have overlooked in yourself far too long.

  • Hi Jeff1943. Thank you so much for your reply. It made me cry (in a good way). Sometimes the best advice and words of wisdom come from complete strangers. Thank you, i will remember this and will re-read this when i start feeling down again. You are completely right. I ought to start forgiving myself and start seeing myself in a more positive light. I will focus on my gifts and work on validating myself and seeing my worth again. Thank you again. Your advice really gave me a much needed boost. 😊 God bless you.

  • I get it. Completely understand. I am 45 and reinvention of oneself is an enormous undertaking but one must not take it on all at once. It did not take overnight to get to how you feel, and it will take a while to dig yourself out too. What is the baseline of your inferior feelings and thoughts? I had to ask myself that many times. My mother left when I was young, caused me a lot of issues (abandonment etc). I have spent many many years sabotaging things in life due to the inability to get past it all, or at the very least, accept it, and move on. In relationships, I always found something to be wrong. I have learned it was me, it was my inability to believe someone would want me, love me etc...or that they would not leave me. I had to fix it all. I ran the gamut of medications, books, therapy, and anything else I could find. Took a while to realize the answer was in me the whole damn time.

  • Hi Lifeless100. Thank you! It means a lot to hear from somebody who understands. "The answer was in me the whole damn time". I love that! And i know that to be true!! There is nobody who can change me except myself, my way of thinking, my daily habits. I will dig myself out of this hole, however difficult it may be. Your advice gives me hope that things will indeed get better in time. Thank you❤️

  • It is never too late to work on yourself and feel happier/positive. I have found counselling useful as were many years of baggage to work through x

  • Thank you Nicki1984😊

  • Reinvent yourself, do what you want to do, don't listen to anyone or do things just to please other people, now is the time to do everything for you! You are not old you can still be anything that your heart desires, you just need to believe in yourself and choose those goals and go for it. The only person who can get in your way is yourself, it's you verses you!

    I bet you can become happy and believe in yourself, I bet you really are a lovely person and you have the will to go for it.

  • Thanks Jimton. I love the idea of reinventing myself😊 Starting over in life, more intelligently and more positively this time!!!!!!! i pray i am strong enough to begin again and not let the negative voices in my head get to me😢

  • well you make a list of things that you want to do or learn, things that you want to change and go for it. I bet once you get going you won't look back! The negative voices and thoughts won't have time to interfere if you keep hitting your goals.

    I used to suffer anxiety and I made myself busy just like you plan to do and now a I feel great, life is fantastic. I learned new things and changed stuff in my life. I'm always happy now.

    Don't let anyone or anything get in the way of your dreams, learn to ignore other peoples opinions of you and just do what you need to do to make yourself happy.

    I wish you all the luck in the world if you do decide to go for it, if you ever need to chat to someone then pop into here, there are a lot of us in the same boat as you and if you ever feel like just a simple chat or a break from it all dont be afraid to message me.

    Take care.

  • Thank you, Jimton. I appreciate all the help. People like you give me hope!!! For a long time i could not understand what it was that i was feeling and going through, on dark dAys i really wanted to escape from myself. But being here and reading all these messages make me feel like i am not alone after all!! And knowing people have succeeded in overcoming this horrible feeling makes me excited again! I will start making a list, thank you😊 I cannot wait to achieve again and feel good again and silence these negative voices once and for all. Oftentimes i know all these negative thoughts are unfounded. Excited to live life again!! And make this 2nd chapter of my life so much better than the first! (Its like being reborn, knowing all i know now). Thanks again, it means a lot to me how you all are so helpful and encouraging. Love how you said "im always happy now" .. That's the only thing i truly wish for, to be happy and AT PEACE with myself❤️ God bless you!😊

  • Hi there... How are you? I just had a bad day today and needed someone to talk to... Re-read all the messages here to perk me up.. I am still in the process of Finding myself... Have not found all the answers yet... Sometimes i wonder how life could be so hard esp for people like me.. Phlegmatic, intoverted, overthinking me.. I find it so hard to find my place in the world because of the way I am😢 I am smart but have such a horribly low EQ😢 It feels like this struggle of mine has been going on forever. I hope there is a way out of this misery.. A way out of my head and my thoughts that just keep me sobbing some days😢 Sometimes i wonder how God could make me so flawed... How can i possibly thrive in this world and succeed with all the traits that always seem to hold me back from pursuing them😢 Helpppp pls my husband does not know what to do anymore or how to comfort me anymore and i get no support because this seems like a never ending cycle of crying spells and wasted time thinking, thinking, thinking😢😢😢

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