I'm not sure if this is the right place to post, as I am brand new. I created this account because basically, I need some major advice about my stress/anxiety/insecurity.
I've always been quite insecure, however very outwardly confident and easy going.
About 4 years ago my ex boyfriend (whom I was deeply infatuated with) cheated on me, and repeatedly lied still telling me he loved me. Since then my dad's left the country and got a new family after years of emotional and borderline physical abuse and having an affair, my mum has fallen deeper into her alcoholism, my best friend has committed suicide, I've been diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder, we've gone bankrupt and I've hit rock bottom (I'm nearly 22 and female).
I am so paranoid and anxious about my current boyfriend (of almost 3 years) potentially cheating on me I find it hard to be happy, ever. There's barely a moment when I'm not obsessed with the idea and I don't know what to do because he is amazing and I don't want to push him away, I just can't seem to trust him or anyone else not to hurt me.
I don't think I'm worth anything. In many respects I kind of just want him to cheat on me too, because that's what I think I deserve. My health is starting to suffer because of my stress; I've lost 2 stone in a year, I barely sleep, and I barely have the emotional strength to see my friends anymore (particularly upsetting as I am an extrovert through and through and used to thrive on being around my friends). I just have no self confidence. I loathe myself. Everyone tells me I'm beautiful, but I usually spend at least an hour doing my makeup in the morning (not getting ready- just doing my makeup) and most of the time I still cry it off because I feel so ugly and unsatisfying. I have panic attacks and I have the worst abandonment fears. I'm finding it really hard to cope with my stress and anxiety and complete basic tasks- I feel like I'm drowning and I honestly have no idea what to do, and no one to talk to about it. I don't want to be a weak person and I feel like I'm becoming bitter because I don't know what I've done to deserve the pain I feel like I'm going through constantly.
I can't get a job because I can't handle it so I have no money. The atmosphere in my house is horrible. I'm worried about my mum and I'm worried I might fail uni if I can't pull myself out of this rut. Literally the only thing which makes me feel worthwhile is my boyfriend but I'm trying so hard not to push him away and distrust him but it's so hard.
Just, does anyone have any tips? I really want to be able to make it and help myself and help keep my relationship going and feel happy and in control! I just want things to feel OK. Has anyone got any advice? (My boyfriend knows all of this btw and he is very supportive but he doesn't exactly understand and has his own problems to deal with too, he does talk to me about it all but there's only so much I can expect of him).
Thanks in advance, I really appreciate anyone reading this.
Written by
hannahsussex
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PRAY,thats the first thing to do.be close to GOD,he will help you.about your anxiety,try doing some exercise.maybe walking.yoga and meditation also helps.always remember you are not alone,i been suffering from anxiety for 3yrs now.there's hope,be strong.
Hi Hannah. So sorry to read how you're feeling. So much of what you've written tallies with my life. The dad,him being abusive to his family,mum suffering,partner cheating. Well girl as my counsellor said me' you've had a lot to cope with and feeling how you do is totally normal'. Well you need to do what I'm doing now and fight back. Putting your post on this site is a great first move. But now to be proactive and go and chat to your doctor. Easier said than done I know. But you do need to really. Please don't let all these feelings control your life like I have(I'm nearly fifty). You have a great life ahead of you and a wonderful personality to carry you through. Take care xx
Oh Hannah, where do I start. This is no good. I'm with Sam66 on this, you've got a life ahead of you to enjoy, so you have to tackle this anxiety now. And it can be tackled.
You have so much life experience for one so young, and you've come through that. We've all been through that to some extent. Unfortunately, that is called life. I've had a marriage break up, lost a home, financial trouble, but trust me, you can get through it. Start to believe that you can. One thing is for sure, the sun will rise tomorrow.
You can't be scared to speak with your doctor, that's a good starting point. And although, I'm not into the prayer thing, that can't hurt. Some quiet alone time, meditating and trying to calm yourself and think straight, is good.
You must keep eating, properly I mean. You must try to sleep and relax. If you're drinking or smoking, give that up! Trust me, life gets better immediately without that stuff. Try some easy, slow walking. Try not to think too much about your past or even your future at this point. I can understand how painful that may be. Try to think good thoughts about the present. Try to keep seeing your friends, that's important.
You sound like a survivor to me, you'll get through this, because it CAN be beaten. We all are suffering here with it, and we all are living our lives. I am holding on to my job, sometimes it's hard, but I'm not going to let this monster called anxiety beat me. I will kill it just as sure as I'm here talking to you and you can too.
There are some great things that have happened to me in my life as well as the bad things. Again, that's life and you have to hang on to those good memories.
Wow!, that's a lot of problems you've got going on there.
What you need to do is see your gp firstly, then I would find something to help you relax, such as music or a hobby, something to turn your mind away from all the negative thoughts, lots of people on these sites use meditation apps and books, one is headspace, which you can get as a phone app.
They will teach you breathing exercises and how to make your body relax.
I think that's all I can really recommend for today and I hope it can help you.
Wow!, that's a lot of problems you've got going on there.
What you need to do is see your gp firstly, then I would find something to help you relax, such as music or a hobby, something to turn your mind away from all the negative thoughts, lots of people on these sites use meditation apps and books, one is headspace, which you can get as a phone app.
They will teach you breathing exercises and how to make your body relax.
I think that's all I can really recommend for today and I hope it can help you.
Wow!, that's a lot of problems you've got going on there.
What you need to do is see your gp firstly, then I would find something to help you relax, such as music or a hobby, something to turn your mind away from all the negative thoughts, lots of people on these sites use meditation apps and books, one is headspace, which you can get as a phone app.
They will teach you breathing exercises and how to make your body relax.
I think that's all I can really recommend for today and I hope it can help you.
Hi and welcome firstly you've made a big step in telling strangers your story..you have been through a lot for someone so young. I too have trust issues and low confidence due to a twat of an ex, my mother is an alky who won't admit it...after 25 years there's nothing I can do to help her. She won't accept help and won't admit to a problem. My suggestion for what it's worth? Seek councelling...got to your gp explain and ask for a referral to see someone. Speaking to a proffesional person may help in the long run and maybe even take your bf with u? If he's still there after 3 years he must be good for u? There are a lot of us here to help as I'm sure u will see keep posting ...it helps to get it out and chat
Hi oh my gosh I'm going through a lot of the same things . I started getting anxiety symptoms in August I moved to a new city with my bf. Before I lived with my parents and slowly I would get different symptoms and its very draining ur right and u don't get good sleep quality . However if u need someone to talk to I'm here for u !
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firstly you've made a big step in telling strangers your story..you have been through a lot for someone so young. I too have trust issues and low confidence due to a twat of an ex, my mother is an alky who won't admit it...after 25 years there's nothing I can do to help her. She won't accept help and won't admit to a problem. My suggestion for what it's worth? Seek councelling...got to your gp explain and ask for a referral to see someone. Speaking to a proffesional person may help in the long run and maybe even take your bf with u? If he's still there after 3 years he must be good for u? There are a lot of us here to help as I'm sure u will see 
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