Self-fulfilling prophecy?

[jewwet17]

Does anyone have any experience with the feeling of contributing to the result that you are expecting, which just ensures that result comes?

Here's an example: I've had so much anxiety because of the idea that I'll lose my job and that my coworkers don't want me around that I am acting differently. I see my acting differently as a response to the interpretation of what I believe the people are thinking and feeling.

I'm curious if anyone else has experience with—in some way— knowing that you are contributing to the outcome you are expecting. Anyone?

I feel I'm not at the level to seek out professional help yet. I regularly use Youper—the anxiety and depression app—to track my thoughts, moods, and stuff, but lately, I've been craving feedback from others.

It seems like I am pushing myself toward really getting fired because I can't convince myself that my interpretations are wrong, which would help me go back to my old self.

If you have experience with this type of situation, what did you do?

Thanks.

[b1b1b1]

Yes, I think this happens often and I identify with what you say. It is easy to misinterpret other peoples actions or words and then act in a way that hurts your own self. This can then become a downward spiral. Someone may not say hello because they are upset about their own problems. It is so easy to interpret this as 'they don't like me any more' and then ignore them and the situation gets worse from there. Someone on this site once wrote "the reality of your anxiety is not the reality of the situation." I think there is a lot of wisdom in these words and have tried to take them to heart.

[jewwet17 in reply to b1b1b1]

That quote is really ringing true for me right now. I feel like the anxiety reality is causing me to act a certain way. The real reality is probably not what I perceive or interpret and therefore I am bringing on the result that I fear. It's clear and confusing at the same time. :/

[Mrworrymaster]

Maybe you just don’t really want to work there?

[jewwet17 in reply to Mrworrymaster]

You mean, I am intentionally self-sabotaging because, whether I realize it or not, something within me doesn't want to be there? Just trying to understand better. Have you ever gone through something like that, where you didn't realize that what you actually wanted wasn't conscious until later? Like, you thought you didn't want some result and later realized you did.

[Mrworrymaster in reply to jewwet17]

Yea. My marriage was that way for me and my past job was that way for me.

I read once that anxiety is the result of you subconsciously not being happy with your you're living currently because you planned something different for yourself.

My past job was terrible. I felt unfilled. I made good money. Had a good life. Really nothing to complain about, so I didn't. But I was a miserable anxious mess.

Same with my marriage. It was a good marriage. But it wasn't how I pictured or wanted my marriage to be. I was an anxious and miserable mess. (Don't believe me, go check out my old posts.)

I searched for every answer there was as to why I was anxious. I just wasn't happy. So I became anxious because it was easier to blame it all on my anxiety then to reset my life at 34.

Just my experience though. Each of us have our own paths.

[Shibby]

Hey Jewwet17, yes I totally understand where you are coming from and you example is exactly what I am suffering from. I was told by someone (councillor type person) that I was making a self-fulfilling prophecy which I couldn't see until she explained it. Same thing really, have always felt out of a loop (nicknames from good friends over the years have been creepy and nutty) so I know I think differently from others. Watching cliques before me makes me know I don't fit in and then the thought of me being myself feels like I will be pushed away so I sort of do it myself distancing myself from everyone. This means I am away from my colleagues in the first place, but because of me not them. However, once my councillor made it clear this was what I was doing I tried to care less. I overthink everything (brain is hotwired to do so) so it is hard, however I am trying to just get on with it now and I notice that people do actually want to speak to me and I have just got to get used to the fact that there are people who you just won't get on with that not everybody will be friends. Sometimes I am made quite happy that people speak to me and I have just to remember one of those days when I feel low/down. The other problem I have is I feel imposter syndrome at work. You can't do my job without a degree so it's not as if I just walked through the door but doesn't stop me from feeling like I don't belong. When I make a mistake I feel like people think I'm useless and it just adds to that feeling . I do actually enjoy my job and I feel like I am good at it most of the time however it doesn't take much to make me think that I am useless. Again a self-fulfilling prophecy that I am going to make mistakes and they happen. It's just learning to not beat yourself up and to ignore your brain when it tells you you aren't worthy. I used to think my old flat mate wasn't bothered with me and didn't want to speak to me, sometimes she wouldn't talk to me or have short answers so I used to avoid her to make it easier. When I told her about it years later she was shocked I felt that way and never intended it to be so. She is now going to be my bridesmaid at my wedding. That was when I realised that others aren't spending their time thinking how useless I am or how much I annoy them but just that they have things going on in their lives. I just have to tell myself this all the time.

Sorry for the massive message!

[jewwet17 in reply to Shibby]

Yeah, I really relate to your story.

I feel like I have noticed what your counselor helped you see and I can't go back. I can't care less. It's like I am fixed on that being true even though I see how I can be making that reality. Which, after reading Mrworrymaster's comment, is really making me think deeply if I am lying to myself.

I definitely feel tons of impostor syndrome. I have battled with it for many years. Since finishing my degree and feeling the pressure of having to "be" someone. It always makes me feel like I am one step, or mistake, away from losing my job. I think it's definitely affecting my current situation.

Thanks for the massive message. I'm a fan of the details.

[Shibby in reply to jewwet17]

Yeh she did, and she didn't judge me which helped (I know they aren't supposed to but if she did it might have pushed me over the edge). I get what you mean about you not being able to care less, I totally get it. I realised a pattern to when I did things wrong, I would get angry which would then lead to me feeling down then like an "imposter". I have learned to stop the cycle, doesn't always work but I learning how to overcome years of the same thoughts.

As for you having to "be" someone I totally get that too. I just have to remember the days where I have done things well on the days I beat myself up about mistakes.

Just out of curiosity, your message to Mrworrymaster, do you feel that the job is not what you want anymore/thought it would be or do you feel the anxiety of doing something wrong and losing your job is what is bothering you more?

[Ptd1 in reply to Shibby]

How did you deal with this?

[designguy]

Yes, it's called anticipatory anxiety which means that you are having anxiety about a perceived threat or event or even about the anxiety itself. It's a common part of anxiety disorder and it's maladaptive thinking usually based upon your distorted perceptions and interpretations which are not real. In other words, your thoughts are creating your anxiety and the problem is you are believing them and they rarely are based upon reality.

For years I believed that people didn't like me and in my recovery I realized that quite the opposite is true, it was just my thinking that was blinding and distorting my interpretation and contributing to my anxiety.

I would suggest that you get counseling and from a therapist who specifically treats anxiety disorder.

[jewwet17 in reply to designguy]

Wow, that's the best and most concise description I've seen of what I experience. Thank you for your input and suggestion.

[designguy in reply to jewwet17]

You're very welcome, I hope it helps you.

[Ptd1]

I have this 100% can’t quite switch this off!!!!

How you doing now?

Pete