I need to relax and start enjoying myself, how exactly?!!

Hiya, I'm new to this site and figured it would be a great way of talking to people with similar issues to me.

I'm single, and really struggling to find a positive relationship that doesn't drag me down and make me feel worthless. I'm going through therapy, which is my saving grace, I don't know where I'd be without it. But I can't hold down a relationship, and probably the worst thing is that I am so vulnerable to the wrong kind of people, especially guys. I get taken advantage of because I have such little confidence in myself, and find myself in situations that only confirm my feelings of worthlessness. I so so want to get out of this vicious cycle of meeting someone, liking them, growing feelings for them and then getting freaked out by the smallest thing.... I know that sounds silly but it's a massive deal to me if 'he' doesn't call or text when I think he should have or some other illogical situation I tend to dream up. The conclusion in my head is always the same... He isn't interested anyway, and even if he is, it's only for one thing! I should add that I am talking to my therapist about this stuff, but figured it would be nice to get opinions from others too, seeing as I don't tend to bear my true feelings to many people, doing it here, anonymously is a big step, but a safe one I feel! I would really appreciate any feedback from people out there..... Xx. Rather a long intro and first post but just need to get things off my chest

Thanks for reading xx

10 Replies

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  • Hi Rose & welcome

    It wasnt a long intro , you can write as much as you want , like you said , its good to get things of your chest , so post as much as you want

    Anxiety can make us suffer with lack of confidence , but you will build it up over time

    As people see your post you will get replies , i can think of a member who has simular fears like you , i hope she will spot this as she will be a help

    I do no how you feel though I spent years feeling as you do & resulted in picking the wrong men , but I have been married 20 years now , so hope that gives you hope that the right one will come along , as you get more confident & you anxiety gets less , your life will start to change

    Keep posting

    Love

    whywhy

    xxx

  • Why why,

    Thanku so much. It's a telling sign when I just feel so happy that someone replied, and with ur kind words I felt emotional!!. Funny how the kindness of complete strangers can do wonders. I hope we can chat more in the future.

    Also good to know that you found the right person, it does give me hope.

    Lots of love

    Xx

  • I no Rose , I was just the same when I joined , was such a relief when someone replied , you soon start to see you are not on your own on here & even though we are all strangers we have a common bond , anxiety , that makes us pull together

    You can talk to me anytime you like my love & there will be lots more people you will get to no as you keep coming on , you can message people as well if you want , we all get back to each other as & when we see them

    You will find someone just right for you ...one step at a time , you will become a confident person & as you do you will attract different men to what you have been

    You will learn to love yourself & then you will be able to accept that someone else can love you to :-)

    Love

    whywhy

    xxx

  • U are spot on WW... Much much love and hugs.

    How long have u been on the site?! After only a couple of hours of finding people with common ground I already feel a greater sense of worth and value and can already see that I have spent time in the past with people who I considered good friends but haven't ever given me the confidence in myself that I really needed. Today is a good day :-) still finding my way around the site but the messaging thing is good so will also get round to this at some point too! Xxx

  • Hi Rose

    I came on of all the days Christmas Day , think the pressure of Xmas got me here lol

    Only people that suffer can really understand , friends try ,bless them , but must be difficult

    Glad you feel today is a good day

    You will soon get to no people , infact you get to no them so well , if you notice they havnt been on in a while you miss them & start to worry

    It wont take you long to get used to it , its about getting things of our chest , people supporting & us trying to give support back , has to be simple , as even I can do it :)

    xxx

  • Ha, I joined a dating site on Christmas Day as a present to myself, lol. It's funny what the holiday season does to us sometimes! Well I'm off to b-byes now but has been great talking to u. Speak soon. Rose xxx

  • He Rose and yes welcome to this site and totally agree with whywhy and me too cant think of anyone with this type of fear my anxiety is more health and the worry about my health something wrong etc but anxiety can affect people in different ways and as with all anxiety the thing with it is to try and understand your fears my gp told me to fight my fear and i know this isnt always easy we have to try in ways to fight them for instance i got to the point i couldnt even drive my partner was taking me to work and staying with me he had to take hol leave to be with me even at work its a good job i have had my own cleaning business for years and the people i worked for knew this wasnt like me at all it was awful having to break down to people at work and explain the fears i had but when i went to my gp i went onto citalopram and 5 weeks on i am getting there but still have terrrible days scary days but more good than bad now but i always come on here and blog to my wonderful friends and we support each other like whywhy above she is wonderful and is usaully 1st off mark to help as much as she can so keep blogging and they will help you the best they can xxxx

  • Hi sheff wed,

    Thanks for replying. Ill start by saying I'm a sheff u fan but hope u won't hold that against me?! ;-) lol.

    It really is awful...I'm so glad we can empathise with each other! I have also felt like u did in the past and the fear and dread of the unknown was sometimes too much to bear. Thankfully though after years of psychotherapy I am in a much better place... But still suffer badly when getting close to people, just a fear of getting hurt again I think. I think I'm going to do a post about how people relax.... I've tried various things and find the most effective is keeping a diary...although I've got to say, this is so much better, getting an actual response from people rather than trying view my life objectively all the time and give myself advice, which I never take, ha ha.

    Hopefully chat to u some more. Night owl :-) xxx

  • Hi Rose,

    I totally agree with the title of your blog although I have no idea how to do it either!!!! I haven't been in a relationship for so long. I can hardly manage myself without adding someone else to the mix but then time isn't standing still and I don't want to be alone. It's so hard.

    Anyways welcome to the site and I look forward to getting to know you better.

    Best Wishes

    Lizard.

  • Hi Rose

    Thanks for your blog post - I can relate to absolutely everything you've said. People keep asking me why I haven't met someone and what do you say to that? That it's hard enough sometimes looking after yourself rather than worrying about someone else. The self confidence thing is interesting - it does often go hand in hand with anxiety but that said you shouldn't blame yourself for how others behave towards you (easier said than done I know).

    It's good to hear that the therapy is working for you - sounds like the right way to go.

    I think like lots of people I'm struggling to relax too - particularly at bedtime when all of the anxiety demons come out of their box to start haunting me. I need a way to keep them in their box for a few hours and to relax enough to get a good night's sleep.

    Thanks for sharing your experiences - Hope to hear from you soon.

    Best wishes

    Rx

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