Just a bit sick sometimes

Hi, Hope everyone is well today.

I just thought I would have a bit of a vent today and I dont know if anybody goes through the same thing sometimes?

I've always been somebody with quite a short fuse, never suffered fools gladly and tend to linger on things longer than I should. I think it's this way of thinking that eventually pushed my body too far and I started suffering anxiety attacks. The past few weeks have been a bit rough. I'm going through consultations for redundancy, my partner has been quite stressed with his job, it sounds ridiculous but our dog is going through the hormonal stage and has been ruining furniture which is costing us money. We're both just worked off our feet with nothing but negativity around us at the minute. And I know I should be thankful for a lot we have but sometimes you loose the sense of balance when you feel down. I've found my mood has been horrendous, I've been aggressive, snappy, constantly tired, I'm struggling at work. I feel like everything around me is just rubbish and I can't figure out a way to get myself out of this frame of mind.

When I got home yesterday I felt like I'd been in a fight, my body was pounding, my throat was sore. And I started to recognise feelings that started when I had my first attack, but I think because I can handle my anxiety now I controlled it and it soon dissapeared, but it's made me realise that my anxiety is 100% related to stress.

I just find it really difficult to get out of a negative frame of mind. Has anybody else gone through this? I find myself bitter towards people that are genuinely happy because I never feel like. I look around at people my age and I see nobody feeling how I'm feeling. They're all gushing about how fantastic life is. And it makes me wonder, am I just dramatising things? Are things relaly not that bad and I just need to give myself a shake? If so, how do I do that?

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14 Replies

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  • Hiya Mandy, I find I'm exactly the same!! Everything you have said about how you're feeling I can relate too! It's a visual circle, so hard to get out of! I too look around and feel as though everyone is so happy so why can't I be this way?! I definitely think you need to try not to be too hard on yourself and allow yourself to feel the way you do because you have got alot on! Anybody who didn't suffer with anxiety would feel stressed going through redundancy and problems with your dog, it's natural! You jus have to remember you're going through this as well as trying to overcome your anxiety!! Our brain can only do so much! My Cbt therapist explained alot of the feeling down is due to an extremely over tired mind! X

  • Hi Nicki,

    Thank you for the reply. It makes me feel better to know I'm not the only one as horrible as it is you feel this way sometimes too! I just find myself sitting on the train to work and people look carefree and content and I feel the complete opposite and it makes me feel worse.

    I can understand what the CBT specialist is saying. I think when you feel down you constantly run through negatives so your mind is constantly going. That makes sense. Thank you for the kind words :)

    I just want to feel a bit stronger and get back to my old self. About 2 years ago I was living life to the full, taking part in loads of sports, travelling etc, and now, I work and go home...And I know it's all down to me and nobody else to change things, I think the mind is a very hard thing to control sometimes though.

    I have made the decision today to do something positive. I think I may try painting and crafts as I love design etc. It will give me something to do and take my mind off things.

    I also came across two great books which I am going to buy which you may like too :) They're called 'The Happiness Project' and 'Happer at home' by Gretchin Rubin. amazon.co.uk/Happier-Home-E...

    I'm really looking forward to reading them.

    Thanks again :)

    xx

  • I think you're right the mind is do hard to control, that's my biggest problem, I know fully understand my anxiety and what caused it etc and I even understand what I need to do in order to recover however I learnt yesterday that I don't have the belief or the confidence to think I can make the changes and face my anxiety! Does that make sense? It's very difficult tO stop something that you feel automatically and don't feel like you have control over?? X I think that's a lovely idea, you should def put your talent to good use!! I need to find a hobby, something I'm

    Good at do that I can hav a rest from my mind x

  • That does make sense. It's like all the answers are in front of you but you still can't bring yourself to act on them even though you know how to. It's like your mind is just running negatively by habit and it doesn't know anything else. x

  • Wow, i can relate to so much of this.

    I've been anxious much of my life and am struggling to cope with it, even after psychodynamic therapy which made me feel worse. I am trying Mindfulness meditation which helps a little and makes a lot of sense, so I am persevering with it anyway.

    I too look at others and feel resentful and bitter. Other people seem to be more happy, in control, carefree, able to manage their lives well and have good social lives etc....and I compare myself constantly and worry that I feel at the bottom of the heap and am a total failure at life generally - which intellectually I know I'm not, but the negative bit inside me tells me I am. I worry that I feel envious and resentful of the happiness of others - there is also, if I'm honest, a teeny bit of relief if someone tells me something less good about their life! Does anyone else feel like that too?

  • Hi Hedgecrone,

    You've pretty much described bang on how I feel. Even when I talk to people I feel they're not interested because what good and what fun am I bringing to the table?

    I don't think it helps that we're surrounded by magazines, books and tv programmes that glamourise people lives. A silly example but I love homes and interior design and I long to have my dream house and I read these house design magazines and get upset because I think, I can't afford this stuff, I'll never have that house, look at that woman living her dream, wonder what she does, etc. And then I sit and think what am I doing? I have a realistic but nice house and I should be thankful, but I still can't snap myself out of the negative way of thinking.

    X

  • Also, another thing I have noticed I've become a bit obsessive with if you ever feel this too is almost like a 'feng shui' feeling in our house. We've only been in about 7 months and when we first decorated I loved it. However now I just feel like the rooms feel claustrophobic and the colours are too dark. I feel like I want a lot of light around the house, and to move furniture and accessories so it feels right for me when I walk into a room. I feel a bit mental for doing it but it really effects how I feel. I feel like I can't get comfortable in my own house anymore. My bf obviously thinks I'm mad as 7 months ago, I loved it all!

    x

  • I don't have the 'feng shui' thing but get really sick with envy listening to people I know going on about their new kitchens, houses etc. Our house is simple, ordinary and I am grateful to have somewhere nice to live - God knows so many people do not. And yet....both my brothers are high fliers academically and at the top of their professions, while I feel I have let the family down, including myself. It's a status thing partly - I was made to feel rather dim when I was younger as both my brothers were so bright and both went to Oxford. I left teaching many years ago, did a City and Guilds in textiles, had a small business with a friend, dyeing threads and fabrics for a while (a small cottage industry more than anything else) and then that went pearshaped when she quit the partnership,leaving me by myself. My husband is very supportive but gets tired of constantly reassuring me about everything and I feel like a drain on him sometimes.

    As to your feelings about the house, I can understand it. Colour and light do affect mood, and mood affects how we see colour. You have to feel right in your own home. It could be your way of trying to put order into your life (you might feel subconsciously that your brain/mind isn't in order and you can't control it, but you can control your environment, so you constantly rearrange things till they feel right. Is that possible?

    Ours will take years to get 'right' - we've been in it for ages and that's fine, but the kitchen's teeny and desperately needs renewing. Several quotes have been far too much money - and I would love a handpainted wood kitchen - my brother has one and it's lovely. But it's probably not practical or affordable! I don't worry very much about it - more the fact that neither of us are good at making decisions or getting on with alterations. There's even a room which hasn'[t been touched since we moved in....and that was in 1983....!!!!! *shame*

    It's the anxiety and envy thing which gets to me most - I HATE feeling envious and resentful of people I know. It makes me feel as if I am carrying around a terrible secret. I hide it, and if they tell me good news I pretend to be pleased for them but inside I feel as if something has died - sounds ridiculous, I know, and I can't understand it. I feel so ashamed of how I feel and would love to feel genuinely happy for someone instead of pleased when they slip up!

  • Hi,

    Since I was younger its always been said that I was the miserable, stressed worrier of the family, whereas my sister is sociable, friendly, free spirited...Perhaps having feelings like that so early in life can be the cause of some of the feelings of envy? It then puts more pressure on you to do more with yourself and prove yourself to others.

    I can also relate to you feeling like you are draining your husband. I constantly have to be reassured also. It makes you feel more guilty that you pull someone else into what you are experiencing.

    What you say about the house could be so right and I never thought about it like that. That really makes a lot of sense. :)

    I think envy is such a horrible feeling. I feel it every day. To the point where I sometimes go home and cry feeling like I'm useless. It's so hard to put on the 'happy face' when inside you just feel like you're crumbling. The pit of my stomach turns sometimes. How do you get out of it though? I really do not know. I know that way of thinking is wrong and like you say we both know that we have good things in our lives. I've read things such as 'trcik your mind into feeling positive and you will become positive'. I do this sometimes and for a short while it works, then everything just comes crashing down.

    x

  • Hi everyone,

    I hope you don't mind me butting in. I'm new to this community and sort of feel shy about making myself noticed? (Its silly I know - I worry about how I come across even online !).

    Anyway I just came across your blog. And I can relate to it as I've been feeling down and anxious recently - but don't know what to do about it. I envy others because I feel I will never be like them - at the same time I'm desparate to try and make a change quickly because I don't want to become bitter - I'm worried thats what I'm becoming.

    Like you've said, the answers seem to be under your nose, but you can't bring yourself to make that first step - I'm the same ! Infact, its like I'm almost scared to. I tell myself to get up.. 'get UP. Move. MOVE. Put your left foot infront of ther other. Do it. Just do it. Now the next foot- c'mon faster..faster !'. And its like every instinct is telling me not to. Like theres some kind of force field around me. Know what I mean ? I'm beggining to feel like nothings worth it. Like every positive action I try to take, something goes wrong, and I get nothing from it. It leaves me feeling, frustrated, exhausted, and upset. I think thats why my instincts have turned into this. Because of an irrational fear that something bad is going to happen again. In psychology (I'm an alevel student), we learnt about a study - and I know it sounds horrible - in which researchers devided dogs into two groups. One group of dogs had inescapable electric shocks inflicted upon them- repeatedly. Researchers then gave both the dogs shocks- ones they could escape this time, in which all they had to do was jump over the fence. The control group (who didn't have the shocks), jumped over straight away. But the dogs that have previously suffered didn't move. They felt resigned to suffering the electric shocks once more because the first time they couldn't escape them- so why would they be able to this time round ? The dogs where experiancing what was called 'Learnt helpessness'. They had effectively 'given up'. It took them a long time and lots of perservance from the researchers before they finally did jump over. Anyway, it appears this 'Learnt helplessness' can be applied to humans too. Where they have continuous bad experiances until they eventually give in themselves. I don't know about anyone here, but I think this has been what has semi happened to me. And even though I'm a human, and I understand whats caused me to feel like this, and what to do- its hard to change it. I'm exhausted all of the time. I still have almost no motivation. Even though I KNOW bad things happen by chance- inside I still feel like I'm somehow cursed and I have no control over my life. Because its hard to break these believes and thought processes, especially when they've rooted inside me for a long time.

    People say thats it mind over matter. But sometimes it feels like theres something wrong with my mind. I know CBT tries to change this. But I'm scared to try it because I don't want to turn into a robot, and I feel like even after I will have no control over my thoughts because I've been anxious from a very young age. I also don't want to admit I need help because I want to get out of this myself- however hard it is.

    I went through a bout of depression when I was 13, and again when I was 15- due to separate illness, and my parents gave me a hard time about it ('stop being selfish', 'just get on with it', 'well..you'll just have to learn to live with it', 'thats life'). It made me feel weak. Don't get me wrong, please, I don't condenm anyone who goes for help- not at all. Infact I think people who go and get help our brave for admitting it. Lots of people need help anyway - did you know depression actually effects 1 in 10 people at some point in their lives? (Psychology is very useful. :)) But like I say, when somethings been ingrained from a young age its hard to stop these feelings- to stop myself feeling the need to prove myself and worrying about people judging me. I totally get what you were saying about thinking or feeling things from a young age. As some of the time I was labelled the unhappy one (no actually it was the naughty one, my sister used to really wind me up so we would fight and I would always get the blame. To this day, I still believe how my parents dealt with some of the issues (not all of them mind, sometimes I really WAS genuine little s-poo and needed a good smack), was unjust.)

    Anyway, I'm losing myself a bit here with what I'm saying. I don't want to go off on a tagent so I will try and get this wrapped up now. Before I go.. I just want to say, despite all my negativeity, there is a spark of hope left for me. :) I had a good chat with my friends mum the other night who gave me lots of encouragement and advice. I know she saw the person I could become (with a little hard work - and luck to be fair). I also take notice of the good things in my life. And I've just started making changes, however small.. I'm starting small because if I do anything too rash the anxiety just takes hold and stops me. I've found thats the way, just take it one day at a time until I eventually reach my goal. Progress is progress. And I'm using whatever control I have left. The doubt sometimes seeps in still - I think I have had (maybe still do) a little depression which makes everything harder. But I will do what I can and if I still feel the same way in a few weeks then I see no reasom why I can't seek professional help. Who is anyone to judge? No ones perfect. Which brings me on my next point. No matter how easy someones life seems, or how happy they appear, you never know whats going in their lives. Or what goes on behind closed doors. I can guarentee this much, no ones life is perfect and everyone has 'something'. You may look at someone in waiting room/bus or a train who looks like they have it all and feel envy. They are probably look and you and envy you. My next point, you shouldn't compare yourself to others, they are them, with their issues, and you are you. You can only be you- no one else. Everyone is different, and remember this, everyone is Special in there own way.

    Anyway, I hope this helps in some way- sorry for the rant inbetween- just wanted you to see I can totally relate to this, and I'm sure lots of people can. If you have any questions then feel free to ask me. Psychology has taught me a lot and I'd love to share where ever I can.

    Take care, Funkyfairy xxx (my real name is Fay)

  • Hi Fay,

    Welcome to the site :) I think what you say in your post is right. I think because of what anxiety does to you mentally (a lot of negative thinking) you almost give up and think 'fine, I'll take the rough with the smooth, that's all I can do'.

    I always tend to feel sorry for myself a lot and feel like I'm hard done by in life generally, and my partner is always saying how life is down to me. what I put into it I will get out of it. But I think I'm stuck in a rut which is similar to what you explain above. It is very difficult to get out of.

    I always wanted to do psychology, but those poor dogs :(

    x

  • Hi again Mandy, :)

    Hope things are going okay for you recently. I've come across some of your blogs and keep meaning to reply but have not had a chance. I'm here now though- and you're not alone.

    Thanks for the warm welcome to the site. I really appreciate it. And once again if you have any questions about anything, just let me know- got my psychology brain at the ready ! :)

    I know. :( I think they tried to rehabilitate the dogs afterwards but it was still horrible. Let me know how you are, and I'll be here later on.

    Take care

    x

  • Hi, Funky Fairy Fay!

    I've read your post and you sound like such a lovely, thoughtful, sensitive person with some excellent points :) - you're right about so much. As far as your own problems are concerned, I think you first of all need some tlc and encouragement - but above all, some acknowledgement from your parents that you feel crap at times and your feelings ARE important and do matter. I am certain your parents love you dearly, but I'm a mum myself of two girls (well, young women now actually!) and it's all too easy sometimes to overlook your children's anxieties as irrelevant, or think they are OK, while you are trying to deal with the nitty gritty of life. Shouldn't be so, but all to often is.

    I wonder which of your parents you are closer to? You see, I have seen it from both sides and have been depressed and anxious since I was a teenager, and couldn't really confide in my parents. I tried hard to be different with my own children, not wanting them to suffer in the same way - but made other mistakes instead!

    I wonder if you could manage to get your mum on one side when you are alone together or say to her that you'd like to talk to her. Explain how you've been feeling and that you are trying hard to get on with your life, but you are finding it hard because of your anxiety and depression and you really need to be able to tell her how you are feeling, not so that she can provide a solution, but just so you know she understands and can encourage you. Tell her how much that means to you and how much it would help.

    Secondly, don't ever feel ashamed for seeking help. Ever. Mental illness of any kind is not attention seeking or selfish behaviour - it's as valid and worthy of treatment as any physical illness. Fortunately there is a lot of help out there for young people, and your GP will probably have a counselling service they can recommend or put you on the waiting list for. It's more important to have a talking therapy than pills, though they have their place. So go - take the plunge - the earlier you get help, the less you will suffer. You do NOT deserve to feel this bad. You say you've had depression in the past and my suspicion is that you fear judgement from others that you are weak, selfish etc. Not so. Have you heard the expression 'Depression is the curse of the strong'?

    So what would you say if your best friend was telling you what you've said here? I bet you wouldn't hesitate: you'd tell her/him to get help and you'd encourage them and be there for them. You deserve and need support, and you have to be your own best friend which means learning to be compassionate to yourself. Ask me how I know: I still struggle with this and so wish I'd learned this decades ago instead of struggling on alone, feeling a total failure.

    There are also plenty of self help books out there and your gp might even be able to recommend some. But if you look on Amazon or in your library there will be plenty. There is also some referral scheme whereby GPs prescribe you a self help book (sounds weird, doesn't it, but if you haven't tried them then might be worth considering in addition to seeing the GP). Not all of them will be right for you, so that's why its worth going to the library first and looking through them. Once you think you have found one that you think might be comforting, helpful, reassuring and right for you, either borrow it or buy a copy if you can.

    Let us know how you are getting on. I'm new here too - and struggling. Good luck. x

  • Hi hedgecrone, :)

    Thanks so much for taking time to talk to me. Your words were comforting and made me feel warm inside. Thanks also for all the advice. I completely understand where you're coming from. I've spoken to my mum a few times, shes aware somethings not been right for a while. Sometimes it can be an effort to try and find the time to talk to her. I tried to get her attention at completely the wrong time last weekend and it turned into a bit of an arguement. Then I ended up crying- really loudly, panicky crying- infront of my Dad about it. It was a bit of a suprise ! But I do feel better for it. I think I was upset about some other things and a good cry was long overdue. Afterwards, I found the strength to get an application for a provisional driving license - something I've been meaning to do for a long time- and funnily enough, it was a far lot easier than I'd been expecting it to be ! But more importantly, its a step in the right direction, and I feel much better for it. :)

    Mum congratulated me. And the next day we both apologised for argueing. She explained she was feeling a little down too. That night, I got the chance to speak to her again and she was very helpful and encouraging- she really helped me to think things through in a different way, and encouraged me to get help, just as you have. Got to be honest though, before I was fully satisfied she did start to drift abit- I think I was losing her again - ('Mum, did you hear what I said ? Mum..Mum!?' ...'Yes?' *Sighs*) this is what happens a lot and seems to be the main reason for why we've argued in the past. But just as you've explained above, parents make mistakes. And its easy for both them to assume everythings fine if they've not been told any different. While things were shakey in the past, my parents and me have a much better relationship now. We've both admitted to making mistakes and have managed to work out our differences- most of them anyway. To be fair, I think they've done a good job overall. I also speak to my Dad when we walk the dog and he is encouraging and positive. We have lots of good chats when we're out, anyway- and hes easy to talk to. :) Its hard to say which one of my parents I'm closest too - I think I'm close to them both but in very different ways. Dad is down-to-earth, positive and easy to talk to. We often have good chats and occasionally a bit of healthy debating- and to be fair hes taught me a lot. But I can't tell Dad everything. Sometimes you just need a mum. Mum and me.. its more complicated. We have as many good conversations, but I believe we do share a strong bond. I think me and her are incredibly similar- which explains why we sometimes clash. But I think this is what makes us so close too. We understand eachother. And shes helped me in lots of way, giving me lots of advice.

    I completely understand where you're coming from about asking for help too. What you've said is right, I used to worry about others judging me and seeing me as weak or selfish. But I've began to realise more and more- what gives others the right to make judgements ? Some of my friends don't like asking for help (maybe thats why I used to worry about it) but I've seen one of two of them slip downwards- unnecessarily. One of my best friends often says to me in a depressed way 'I'll live'. Except theres more to living than just breathing. And that I don't deserve to suffer unnecassarily (neither does he but its his decision) theres more to life than that. I haven't heard the saying before, but a very good one which I will bare in my mind from now on. :) Also just as you said- I know exactly what I would say to my best friend (infact already HAVE said to my best friend, on a number of occasions) so I should be able to do the same for me. Talking someone has always made me feel better, so I'm sure counselling would really benefit me.

    Self help books sound like a great idea too. I used one or two before and they've benefitted a lot. I will have a look in the library or Amazon and see what I can find. I had no idea that GPs could give prescriptions or recommendations- but what a good idea. :)

    Thank you again for your wise words and kindness. :) I'm sorry to hear you've been strugging recently too- now and in the past. You don't deserve to feel like a failure- you sound like a really caring, sensitive, and wise person, and reading your post has really helped me. I hope you feel better soon. Let me know how things are. I hope to see more of you here and look forward to speaking to you in the near future. I will let you know how things go for me and thanks again !

    Take good care of yourself,

    Funkyfairy Fay :) x

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