Well I made it to Amsterdam on the hour long flight, and I made it back AND looked out of the plane windows. I was amazed that I felt so calm considering last year I was in tears at the thought of stepping onto a plane. I think I have definitely proved to myself that mind over matter goes a long way.
Amsterdam was one of the most beautiful places I have been, so much so I didn't want to leave and I hit rock bottom when I got home. I went to work the next day, re-confirmed with myelf how much I hate my job, filled my head with how much more there is to life, developed chest pains and bam, for the first time in ages I had a full on attack on my way home. It was all my own doing, getting myself worked up, taking small negatives and blowing them out of proportion. but I got myself home, cuddled into my dog and it eased off slowly although I was couch and bed bound all night.
So it's time for the hard slog to do something about it all. But overall I feel very positive about the experience I will try and post a photo or two once I have taken the pictures off my camera.
xxxx
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Mandy26
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Well done and Im pleased you enjoyed the trip. haven't been to Amsterdam for years but remember it fondly. I think everyone feels that downer when you get back from something you've enjoyed and then it's back to the daily grind! But at least the job can pay for some more trips and sounds like you're working towards finding a more rewarding job. You made the trip, enjoyed it and feel good that you did it! What can be more positive than that!
Hi Kaz, thank you. It was such an interesting place. Although we did get lost a few times and ridiculously always ended up back in the Red Light District! Embarassing.
you're very right when you say that my job is what helps me fund trips such as Amsterdam, and that was the first thing I told myself this morning. It worked to a degree lol.
Thank you so much everyone The wise words from you all really helped. xxx
Congratulations Mandy, you are so brave.
I wind myself up, before going holiday, depending on who I am going with. I prefer to go in a gang so I can fade into the background. I worry about not getting enough sleep, because I feel so awful without it.
I mainly go with my family and I can relax with them.
Did the journey worry you beforehand?? I know I can do it, and I don't cry just worry.
I am glad you all enjoyed the party in Rosie's garden, you are such a fun bunch. x
Strangely the journey did not worry me beforehand. I actually tried not to think of the flight at all and walked into the airport like it was an everyday thing (in my mind I was trying to trick myself into thinking I'd done it a million times and it seemed to work :))
I had to tell my OH not to ask me if I was OK because then I would start thinking about how I was feeling. I made sure I took a good book to read too.
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I will try and post a photo or two once I have taken the pictures off my camera. 
List your anxiety symptoms in the replys... People like me need to be made aware 
I have to make this tough choice...
I don't have any motivation to fight this anymore
6 days later and contact been made.
