Worrying to the point where I wonder if death is the only solution

I worked as consultant until last Thursday. I had a horrible time at that company as they doubted my ability and even got me checked to see if I had a learning disability. I did not but one of my managers was sure that I did.

My job was at risk and my career. So I found another job that requires a 90 minute commute (each way). At first I cheered a sigh of relief. This is a good and well paid job, and the distance did not seem a problem at all. I've done long commutes before. However, now with just one whole day before I start I am freaking out about the commute. It has made me miserable, and despite my wife's best intentions I cannot see the bright side.

So now I wonder will I ever be happy? I have a beautiful son, loving wife, great home, and good job. So the extra half hour of commuting each way, should be seen as a small sacrifice. Afterall, it's not forever. After three years I could try and find something closer. But I am so scared of this change, so worried about the miles, time away from home, fuel cost, and the wear and tare on the car that I cannot appreciate any of my life.

What should I do? Please someone help.

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  • Hi Steven x WOw it sounds to me as if that job was a lot of bullying and stress, I hate people who think they have the god given right to be little and put people down and thats what happened to you x Its good that you have found a new job. I think what you are have here is first day nerves you are thinking that the same awful people or that type will be at the new job, that you will be subject to the awful behaviour, but you must remember people are different everywhere you go x Its a long commute yes but it will be worth it as you will see I bet you love it and will be so happy and there's only one way to know for sure, go x just try it out x Change is not always bad x I mean look at the ugly caterpillars when they change something beautiful happens xx DOnver x

  • Hey you're bound to be anxious starting a new job and a longer commute, sounds like a better place for you so well done for having the courage to leave your old job and getting yourself another job that's a fantastic achievement :)

    Give yourself time to adjust it will take a little while to get used to but it does sound like it's definitely the better option, good luck hope you soon settle in the new place :) xx

  • Thank you Mimii. It is very kind of you to respond so quickly :)

  • Firstly, you will be so better off anxiety wise away from that previous job! It doesn't sound enjoyable or a nice environment to work in at all.

    Secondly, everyone worries about something new, even people without anxiety, so when you do suffer from anxiety it feels ten times worse and is hard for someone without the condition to understand. But this is completely normal! I think you have thought of one negative thing, and have then snowballed other negatives things and kept thinking negatively until the point where you're talking yourself out of it and against it. Replace each thought with a positive one! And think of it as an exciting time in your life, you're doing something new, the job sounds miles better than your previous one and you have the chance of meeting new people! It is also very good for your anxiety to put yourself into circumstances that may make you feel anxious, the more you do it, the more you will get used to it and the less anxiety you will feel. Do not be disheartened if your first day makes you really worried, give it a month max and you'll be settled right in! I'm sure your family is proud of you, and a great role model for your son! :) you can do it!

  • Hi steve. I understand the lack of appreciation from life.. Its sounds like you do have a nice life going for yourself. So why are you not getting some sense of accomplishment from that. I had a very tough job for five years looking after my parents. everyone around me told me I was doing an amazing job.. Doing things that they themselves would be unable to handle.... But I couldn't get any self satisfaction from what I was doing..... after some therapy I was told that I have a need to suffer. Connected to a early childhood trauma.... After working through some of these early problems I started to see where I was missing out on the good things I had done in life... as I was always looking at the negative things. I had done....When you start to bring in negative thoughts about the miles.. or your car turn them around to a more positive way of thinking such as .... I have a car at least I don't have to take the bus.... I have a job... if something goes wrong with my car I have money to fix it etc. hope this helps a little steve

  • Good Afternoon all, and a big thank you to all your responses. They have really helped. Of course I am still anxious about tomorrow but now it feels more like the nerves one would expect the day before the first day.

    It was weird that the travel really wasn't a problem until everyone i spoke to brought it up. It felt like I was being told that it should bother me, that it was a really bad thing; something to regret.

    In order to deal with the nerves I am thinking ahead to the weekend as this will see the first few days behind me.

    Thanks again to everyone who responded

  • I guess I typed far too soon. I got a massive anxiety attack to the point where I freaked out and went out for jog. I did possibly 13 miles. The first bunch of miles I was a complete emotional wreck, although I put on a very brave front when I passed dog walkers with the typical "afternoon".

    Not looking forward to tonight, thankfully my wife is off and her support will be needed.

  • Hi steve I know how you feel I had a massive anxiety and panic attack whilst in my partners car she had to stop the car and drive slow ' whilst I was walking. Then it went and as soon as I went back in the car ' I had another one .. now I get anxious every time I know I gotta get into the car

  • Hi David

    Thank you for your response. It is useful to think that my anxiety may be, illogical. And that makes a lot of sense as these past two days have been excessively tough because my mind has focussed much of it's time on the commute. It even ruined my sleep. I hope that after a month I will grow out of this....Burr today I sought professional help

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